Monday, February 18, 2008

   warning, long post
I've got Algebra today but I'm not going. I keep watching the clock like I am, but I'm not. I'm so tired and I feel sort of sick. The b**ch in Communications that sits next to me was sick. She threw up. I can't throw up. I refuse to throw up. I end up curled up in a ball feeling awful for about a day instead. I don't know what the problem is with this Communications class, but they're all horrible people. Except the Chinese lady who doesn't speak english very well. She seems nice. But everyone else is still complaining about missing two weeks of class. And the gas prices. And they just don't like the prof. I don't like him either. I have no idea what the heck I'm supposed to be doing. And I'd rather not go to that class at all. But for crying out loud, his mother died. And they he got really sick. They skip if they're sick. Yeah, it was lousy of him not to tell us so we all drove there and waiting for half an hour before leaveing. Yes, that was lame, but seriously, the oter time he did show up and had to leave because his mother was dying. And they complained. I'm not a descent human being but I feel like a saint among these people. Okay, and that's my rant about class and in there somewhere is why I'm not going to show up for Algebra today. I wish my cat wouldn't shed. I just pulled a two inch cat hair out of my eye, again. I'm so glad I'm not alergic. And now I grossed everyone out. She doesn't go in myroom so I don't know where they come from. Oh, and this isgoing to be a long and meaningless post because I'm trying to keep myself busy so I don't suddenly go to Algebra. I'm not going. I don't want to sit there and go through review again. I hate the catch-up days. The class moves so slow. I have a story from Anthropology before I finish this section. We start the class with stories and this guy, he's a gambler for a living, had a good one. He was coming out of Taco Bell with his friends and this kid tries to mug them at knife point. Well, this guy in my class has a licence to carry a concealed weapon (which I'm getting one too) and he had his gun on him. So the mugger's all 'give me your wallets' and the guy in my class moves back his coat to show him he had a gun. And the mugger dropped the knife and took off. End of class stuff for sure.

My neck is always cold now. I really miss my hair. It's been nearly a week and i'm still not used to it. I still freak out when I look in the mirror, which I do twice a day at the very least. For eyeball reasons, not vanity. I was vain about my hair and it's gone. People made such a fuss over it that I was thinking if I didn't donate it for cancer kids then I bet I could've auctioned it for profit. I think I need the extra good points so donation it is. I've got infinate good points for raising orphaned and abandonned sick and dying kittens, but you always need a back up plan. And I've got a small story. It's not about hair. I took a pill for my skin in the morning, and then took it again before I went out to dinner. It says twice a day in a bright red label. Well, I forgot I took it before dinner so I came home and took another. I ralised I took too much as I swallowed it. I stayed up half the night to make sure it was okay. I have no idea what this stuff does if you take too much. But my stomach started feeling really weird. I didn't know if it was the medicine or me thinking too much about it. And I was so tired. I wanted to go to sleep so I had to neutralize it. Neutralizing what could be a minor poison is not fun. It was a long Saturday night. I neutralized the potential poison and then went to sleep. I think I dreamed really weird and gruesome things that I don't remember currently. Yeah, so, now I'm a lot more careful about remembering. It wasn't fun. I don't know how people can think pills are fun. And I have to take my bulldog to her eye appointment today. Yes, my dog has an eye doctor. Purebreeds.

I've got to finish filling out the application I have to Southern Illinois University. I'm so lost. I wish I were just applying out of high school, but no, I had to go to college first and screw everything up. I've got to get it mailed soon and then apply for a few more. If I refuse to go to college here then my parents can't dump my sister on me. I don't want to live alone with my sister for a year. She's loud and wears too much perfume. If they want us to be close then they should leave us alone. The less we speak and less we see the closer we are. It just works that way. They have this idea that if we're close she'll tell me stuff and I'll tell them, but that's not true. I wouldn't tell them anything. And what's it matter? She and my mother are close. She tells my mother everything so I don't see why I have to be involved. I'm not being her babysitter for a year. Nope, I've got my own life to deal with. This may sound cruel, but I'm tired of putting my life off to help others. I just want the chance at a life. I don't think that's asking a whole lot. I meant to ask Jess if she got a Valentine. Funny how the life thing made me remember that she had a boyfriend type guy a little while back.

Mirror Image:
I haven't touched it since Thanksgiving and it's starting to feel a little weird. I just can't bring myself to type it on my laptop. I've been thinking about all the early stuff that was lost a lot lately. I think because I'm comparing how innocent Epic is. Luke was a cold blooded killer at fourteen. He killed at thirteen but that was self defense. Anastasius is seventeen and a ninja and he's never killed. I was comparing the dead thing too. In Mirror Image if a person dies I'll show it in gruesome detail and through that person's eyes, unless it's more effective to show it through the eyes of someone else. And they're usually dead unless I see the opportunity for great conflict if the person was still alive in some form. I killed a great hero but saw more conflict if Luke found her alive after thinking she was dead for nearly fifteen years. I killed a doctor and kept him dead. It would've been too much if I brought him back. I liked him. It was painful enough when he died. He and Luke had been best friends for twenty/twenty one years. And how he died was horrible. I still feel bad about that.

Epic:
But in Epic it's not like that. If they're dead then they're dead. I was thinking about that when I was comparing the two. I was thinking about when Shadi and Chik died. Ai was the one that identified them. If I look at this as I would Mirror Image, then they're still alive. I can say that he was six and in horrible shock so he mis-Id'd them. I can say that they had amnesia for a couple years because of the freezing water and then thought that it'd be too much to go back after being declared dead. Looking at it as what it is, they're dead. Ai was six so he didn't even understand death until he had to ID his parents. And even then he was still shaky on it. I was trying to find a clip I could put up but I couldn't find one that I could simplify enough. And since Algebra just started that's the end of this. Sleep and more backstory work.

.:The Unsaid Works' EPIC:.

SGAH
FYWR
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