Tuesday, September 16, 2008

   dlyt
I'm still really not liking this. I thought that maybe if I stayed busy I'd be okay. I was wrong.

I wrote the worst essay I've ever written. It followed nothing and had nothing to do with anything.

I didn't finish the entire project due today.

I still haven't shot my project due Thursday, and I need it finished tomorrow to get it in on time.

Everyone around me is a complete moron, but nice, so I have no idea what to do with that.

They all freak out about angles and exposure, when I feel there are more important things. Not that those aren't important, but please. There is much more to story telling and life, in that matter, then lenses and drinking.

I honestly have no idea how I ended up here. I seriously thought it wasn't happening but here I am, sitting on a small bed that hundreds have slept in before me, typing this.

I want to change things with the projects I have in mind. Going to a film school was the stupidest thing I could've done to do that.

I don't know. I know that one of the problems is that I am a scientist. I think and process things in that way most of the time. These people don't. It's a sick joke when they talk about mathematics.

And I think, honestly and this makes me sound terrible, I might be too aggressive for this school. This whole nice and friendly, oh let me help you with everything, call if you need me anytime, attitude is just annoying to me.

In a business, and this is a business, with such a high unemployment rate how can they do that? They talk about competition but never compete with each other.

I'm for friendly business, but this is not a very friendly business. It is all about who you know, but that's exactly what makes it unfriendly.

The first thing I said was 'I want this and I will rip apart everyone and anyone that stops me'. But then everyone is so lax. No one is competeing. Everyone is lazing about being stupid.

I'm not trying to be harsh with the stupid comment either. I'm being honest. I have to think twice about everything I say, not because it may be offensive, but because they don't understand. And i'm speaking standerd American English. They should count themselves lucky I'm not throwing in a few French or Latin words. I do say 'se la ve', just not in this state. I have thrown in random Latin words or phrases, just not in this state.

I use Latin more when I write than speak, but now I can't do this. I managed to get by with the Latin in Indiana, and they weren't very bright where I lived either. But here it will be impossible (said in French).

You know, I don't even think I'm better than people most of the time. I just am in some way. Now that I know sounded horrible (again in French).

Want to know the worst thing about this? No one believes me that I'm smart. People here don't believe about my life at all. They don't think I've played hockey. They don't think I was working on getting a BA in Biology before this. They don't believe I can understand spoken French, or that I was nearly fleuant years back. No, they think I'm lying...until I prove it. And after I prove it, then they don't want to be near me as much just because I'm smarter.

I mentioned how our brain wiring worked in film class today. I just touched on a slight little thing that everyone in the world knows. It's like seventh grade stuff. I mentioned it and no one wanted to talk to me after that. I make these people uneasy.

Making people uneasy because you played hockey, or because you like to watch football and boxing, that's understandable. That's even sort of fun because a little intimidation is a little fun. But to be uneasy because someone knows a few words, words not really all that complicated? Or because they function on common sense? That's moronic.

Here's hoping you have a better week than I will. Toast.
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