Friday, October 17, 2008

   dktyd
They don't have a 'being-stabbed-in-the-gut-repeatedly' face on here.

Well, that's fine. But, yeah, I'm in pain. It happens. Happens maybe nine times a year, for the passed seven years. I already took two hot showers and a nap. It'll be better tomorrow. I'm just dizzy and nausious today.

My apartment is empty. One roommate moved out this weekend, two went home for the weekend, and I don't know where the other is. She's probably working on a shoot. So, I have the place to myself. There's nothing to do in it, but it does mean no parties or people trying to get me to parties all weekend. Really good news for me because of how I'm feeling. And because I still didn't write my papers. I didn't shoot either, but I can't do that with everyone gone. People leave so no actors.

I don't really want to shoot. It doesn't matter at all since I'm leaving Friday. Obviously not this Friday. The 24th. I'm missing the last two classes. They're just the ones you get all your stuff back in and see if you passed. Since it doesn't matter if I pass or not, I don't have to be there.

No, but seriously, film school was an experiance. I just don't belong here. That's all. I'll miss it only a little. I think it's more like Stockholm's than actually missing it though.

How about some honesty now? When I got the first phone call I was completely surprised. I never actaully wanted to come. It was spur of the moment that I didn't put a fake name on that form or put a fake number. I was so surprised that I said I wanted more information, you know, when you say that to someone hoping they'll speak and then just leave you alone. They didn't leave me alone. More calls, and more calls. I felt it was rude to say no. Then, for about two months, I got caught up in the idea because I was so sure I wouldn't get in. I got in but was still pretty pleased. Then came freak outs at what I have done. Then came the car trip. At that point I just embraces the thought, but then I crossed the boarder and the inital instint saying something was wrong went off like crazy. Ignore it and kept going. Talked to people. Introduced myself as a director. Did my work and got good marks on it. But it was still wrong. I meantioned The Unsaid Works once when I first got here. People were naturally curious about it, but I couldn't speak. It was wrong. I tried meantioning it again later, I didn't even get the name out.

It was almost like a privet war between me, California, the industry, and myself. The first two weeks I would wake up and remind myself I was here for Epic. That thought left shortly after. This place was not getting their stained hands on it. California, the industry, they'd have to pry Epic from my cold dead hands.

Part of me kept saying that this was for Epic. The part that was right, the instinct, wanted to protect it from this. In the end, that part is what won.

So, I will leave here the 24th. Parts of this was fun. Shooting until 6:00 was actually really fun. Setting up for a premiere was pretty fun. Ghost hunting, watching people make fools of themselves at parties, driving over 80mph singing the song playing on this site, all very fun. But Epic cannot be here. Mirror Image, in all of its depravory, cannot be here. I cannot be here.

Have a great weekend, week everyone! Thing may be the last post until I'm in a hotel.
Comments (1)