Tuesday, June 8, 2004

Grounding, Chicago, fights, and other random topics
I haven't been on forever. I got grounded on May 25 for having Amber over to study without my parents permission. Actually, they specifically told me she couldn't come over. But what does that matter?

Anyway, I got off my grounding on the same day I left for my band trip in Chicago. I LOVE CHICAGO!! I seriously just about cried the day we left. It meant I had to go back to Hull...and my hellish life. I love the whole trip. Every bit of it.

My favorite part had to be when we toured Gary Fry's recording studio. He writes a lot of stuff for our Show Choir. The last two years we did stuff that had no written accompaniment parts. So I wrote them. He was thoroughly impressed, I think. After everybody else left, he asked me what I did and how it worked and stuff. We also recorded a McDonalds commercial that he wrote. It was cool (even though I despise the "buh dah buh bah bah" McD's theme).

There was a solo part, and everybody was like "Kendra, you should do it." And I wanted to, but I was kind of nervous. I was just about to say sure, when Amz volunteered. I always feel like we try to compete with each other in everything. She definitely thinks she's better (in fact, she's told me on several occasions) and that I'm just copying her. LIKE HELL!!!! She thinks that the only reason I want to take music theory is because she does. If she actually knew me at all, she would know I don't give a flying (ahem) about what anyone else thinks or does. I have never, I repeat, NEVER done something without asking if I wanted to do it for me or to make someone happy.

Our group had a huge blow up on this trip. Mainly it was Cortney. She was feeling left out, because Nikki and I always pair up, and Amz and Whitney pair up, and Cort's left alone. That's why groups of 5 are bad. Someone's always stuck on the outside.

Anyway, on this trip, I managed to piss off Nikki (which is a normal occasion, happing almost daily, like clockwork) So Nikki hung with Amz. Cort grabbed Whit to talk about how left out she always feels. So I wandered the Navy pier in Chicago all by myself. I had the most fun I probably did on the whole trip. I only wish I had my sketchbook so I could've scratched out the city skyline (it was really cool). I later got chewed out for wandering (you could've been raped!) but I didn't care. It gave me time to think and exercise my creativity.

Anyway, the group was kind of like that the whole trip-Nik and Amz vs, well, the rest of us. We tried to talk it out, but Amz said absolutely nothing, and Nikki just kept spouting obscenities at me. So I told her I didn't care about her pity party anymore and walked out. Stupid on my part, yes, but if I had stayed there a moment longer I think it would've turned into a fist fight. That girl can't control her anger, but I take pride in controlling mine. Anyway, I hung in Josh's and Phatty's room for a while, trying to harness my thoughts. Whitney came along, but I kind of wish she hadn't. She just reminded me of the fight I'd have to eventually return to.

It never really got resolved. I felt like there was a brick wall between me and Amz. She and I still argue over music all the time. I try not to but...she's always insulting me. She's kind of the unofficial leader of our "cult", and no one knows why. I do. She just has that style, that personality that people cling to. Whit's a follower, Cort's a whiner, Nikki's a bitch, and I'm a loser. But Amz used to be popular. She knows how to get what she wants. Part of me is bitter about this, but I realize as long as she thinks I'm following her, she'll leave me alone. She makes fun of me, and what I do, but I let it roll off (or use it to my advantage) and I end up better for it. I think. I keep my role as the performing monkey, acting like an idiot in order to survive for a while. Really, not one person in my group knows me for real. Nikki might a little-I don't really give her enough credit.

I don't know how she and I became friends. If someone would look at our group, they'd think that Nik and Amz hang out together (both dark, sort of bitchy, and wild) Cort and I hang together (calmer, smarter, and protective) and Whit goes with who ever is around. Really, I can't stand Cortney. ( I mean, I can be whiny, but every other sentance she says is a complaint!) Nikki's lack of self-discipline and constant flirting (she has a wonderful boyfriend, but she flirts-and more-with any guy that has a dick!) drive me crazy. I can't stand it. She probably can't handle my forgetfulness and icy attitude towards our fights. Opposites attract, I guess!

Anyway, that's enough complainting for one day. See ya!
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