Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Ramblings about my sanity
This weekend was one of the oddest weekends since...well, before I can remember.

First of all, I was already in an weird mood by Friday. It was really humid, which always does odd things to my thought processes. Anyway, I woke up on Friday with scratch marks in the crook of my elbow. Not just, oh yea, I had an itch, but perfect straight lines down the outsides.

Anyway, I was ok by the time school started. Friday night, well, let's just say that sucked. Our choir's got three III's at contest. Sad. I was in a bad mood, and that didn't help matters.

Saturday started pretty well. I went to Sioux Falls with Nikki and Trevor.(her boyfriend) I wasn't in my usual crazy-money-spender mood. I only bought two things. I was content to aimlessly wander the mall, losing Nikki and Trevor at least seven times-and not even noticing! Definitely not me. Nikki was pissed, and wanted to just leave me there.

That night I went to my little sister's play-a good time to space out. Then I saw Van Helsing with Amber. Awesome movie, in my opinion (I'll talk about it after I see it again on Friday) It didn't help my mood, though. I was kind of crazy. Talking about vampires and werewolves-Just saying weird stuff, and after I say it, wondering who was talking.

Sunday night was the worst. First of all, there was a tornado north of my house. We weren't in any danger, so my hillbilly parents went out and filmed it for a half hour while I watched the Survivor Finale (I didn't care about that either)

A while later, I glanced out the window and saw that the light had changed-the sky was now orange, instead of the usual stormy grey. I went outside-in my socks, mind you-and watched the clouds. For some reason I had a pliers in my hand (I think I took it off the counter on my way out, but who knows.)

I stood there, just staring at the clouds. I don't really remember what I was thinking. My parents came out. They asked me what the h*!! I was doing. I HAD BEEN OUTSIDE FOR AN HOUR! I didn't even realize it. My sister had come out a while before and talked to me-I don't remember that either! They were mad. I was soaked-apparently it rained while I was out there.

It's so weird-I just feel like I'm not myself. Just little things-like the fact that when I'm nervous I pinch the bridge of my nose without realizing it. The fact that I'm always cracking my wrists. I’m spacing a lot too. Monday was crazy. Lately I just don’t care. I’m sick of having to deal with everything. I’m just doing what I have to in order to survive. And waiting for summer vacation. Oh well. That’s the way it goes, isn’t it?
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