Tuesday, May 18, 2004

   I want to scream
Yup, I’m having yet another bad week. If I wasn’t so intent on surviving ‘till the end of the year, I might actually care. But I don’t. So I’ll tell all about it anyway. Why? Because THAT’S THE KIND OF MOOD I”M IN. AHH!

First of all, I didn’t get into the National Honors Society. Which I knew I wouldn’t because a) I am not popular b)All of my teachers think I’m a sarcastic little b***h c)I’m not a good influence to anyone anyway. Apparently my parent’s didn’t get the memo. They decided to pull apart my every flaw in order to understand why I didn’t get in. Let’s just say Monday night was wonderful.

Then, I had to find a song for show choir tryouts. I really don’t care this year anyway, because I think I’ll have the same amount of fun in the pit as I would in the choir. My mom wouldn’t stand for this either. She claims I don’t get enough time in the spotlight. And I care why? I’m doing something I love to do-why does it matter if people see me or not.

The worst thing had to be this morning, though. In music theory, we were learning about how to make different instruments from odd materials (like a PVC pipe clarinet and a rubber hose trumpet). Anyway, we were learning how to play trumpet. Nikki was busy laughing at us, which pissed me off right away. I mean, if someone sucked at the saxophone, I wouldn’t laugh at them! Learning an instrument is hella hard, especially brass.

Anyway, I started out ok. We were playing in just the mouthpiece, and I had a pretty good tone. The Mr. T tells us to play the next harmonic. I didn’t know a mouthpiece could play different notes. Of course, we all failed our first few times. He went around the room individually, to try and help us. I asked him about which muscles we’re supposed to move and where we’re supposed to put our tongue. He goes on about how sax players don’t know where their tongue is in their mouth because it doesn’t matter. I happen to know (from experience) that it does matter! I put my tongue to far forward, and the tone get fuzzy and a little flat.

Anyway, we all kept trying. The second time we went around the room, I played for two seconds really bad and he looks at me and says, “You know, so people just aren’t wired to play trumpet. You are one of them,” I’m thinking ‘Great, so you say I suck then?’ I was ok with it though, until he kept going around the room. He helped Austin like crazy, and Austin was just as bad as I was! He didn’t help me at all. Then he goes around the room one more time, and when he got to me and Austin he just says “Hopeless.” That royally PISSED ME OFF! I hate being called hopeless. I can’t stand being told that I am not able to do something. Telkamp should know that by now. That’s why I took that solo. He said it’d be too hard. I said, screw you, and took it anyway. Really, how does anyone know what I’m capable of?

Anyway, I was so mad I kept working on it until my lips bled from my braces. Yeah, not a good thing. And I still wasn’t as good as everybody else. Besides, how dare he call people hopeless after just one day of practice. We’re not all geniuses here. Besides, I usually take a while to get anything, because I always think too hard. And when Whitney did it, he was like “It’s your braces, if you get those off you’ll be much better.” Yea, never said that to me. And Whitney went after me! Grr! Nikki had to rub it in my face that she could do something I couldn’t. I couldn’t handle it. I almost went on a rampage. AHHHH!

I am so sick of...everything. I just want to curl up and die. Or buy myself a padded cell That’d be nice too...
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