Friday, August 5, 2005

   Opera
This is just to say that Cecilia Bartoli has the most beautiful voice I've ever heard. To hear her, just click the button under Kenshin.
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Monday, June 27, 2005

A Decision
I've decided to start saving up my money and when I have enough, I'm moving to Montana and never looking back. See, the past is like a gangrenous limb: at some point, you have to cut it off before it kills you. Never stay in one place too long. For me, once it hurts too much to stay, I leave (goodbyes aren't exactly my thing). Everyone moves on and they may think about you for a while, but eventually they forget. They say they won't, but they always do. It helps if noone has your picture. That's why I don't let people take pictures of me, because I know that I'm going to leave. Right now I don't have enough money to pull up roots and leave town, so instead I'm just going to cut all ties to my friends. It's not really that hard, just stop talking to them and they eventually leave you alone. But as soon as I have the funds, I'm headed out west where there's nobody to bother me and I can just do as I please.
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Monday, June 6, 2005

   Something else
I've figured out why I'm unhappy all the time (I say unhappy because it's not really sadness, just a constant feeling of being incomplete or hollow inside, y'know?). Anyways, the reason is that I long for paradise. I see beauty everywhere I look and know in my heart that it won't last, that eventually all that is beautiful and good will fade and leave me once again with nothing. That's why sad, horrible things have no real effect on me, because I see this reality, that is human existence on our plain, as having only two real constants: pain and death. Death I don't worry about because the way I see it, I have three options: 1) I go to Heaven, no problem there, 2) I go to Hell, in that case I was right all along so that's cool too, and 3) There's nothing after death, in that case, at least it doesn't hurt anymore. It's the pain part that gets me, not physical pain mind you, but that kind of pain that just nags at you until you can't take it anymore and you want to slit your wrists just to break up the monotony. That's what gets to me the most. I suppose that it could also be that I feel pain because I feel bad that I don't feel anything (I know it's a paradox but work with me). Like when I was dating my best friend and she broke up with me, I wanted to hurt, I needed to feel some modicum of sadness but I felt nothing, no loss, no pain, not a damn thing. And the same thing when my step-father died. He was the only real father I had ever known and I didn't feel shit. As a matter of fact, my exact words upon finding out the he had died were: "That sucks." Even when I was like five and my grandpa died, nothing. I'm a cold, inhuman, unfeeling, horrible thing and it makes me feel empty and seperate and lonely. Like in me the space in most people where emotions are stored is just an empty void that can never be filled. I suppose that's what happens when to you happiness is just some fleeting shadow.
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Tuesday, May 31, 2005

   Just a little something
For the few of you out there paying attention to my site, sorry I haven't posted. Don't really have much to say except that I realized today that I've been dead for some time now, about ten years. Go figure.
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Sunday, March 13, 2005

I Love You This Much- Jimmy Wayne
He can't remember the times that he thought
Does my daddy love me?
Probably not
But that didn't stop him from wishing that he did
Didn't keep from wanting or worshiping him

He guesses he saw him about once a year
He could still feel the way he felt
Standing in tears
Stretching his arms out as far as they'd go
Wispering daddy, I wan't you to know

I love you this much and I'm waiting on you
To make up your mind, do you love me to?
However long it takes
I'm never giving up
No matter what, I love you this much

He grew to hate him for what he had done
'Cause what kind of a father, could do that to his son
He said 'damn you daddy', the day that he died
The man didn't blink, but the little boy cried

I love you this much and I'm waiting on you
To make up your mind, do you love me to?
However long it takes
I'm never giving up
No matter what, I love you this much

Half way through the service
While the choir sand a hymn
He looked up above the preacher
And he sat and stared at him

He said "Forgive me father"
When he realized
That he been unloved or alone all his life
His arms were stretched out as far as they'd go
Nailed to the cross, for the whole world to know
I love you this much and I'm waiting on you
To make up your mind, do you love me to?
However long it takes
I'm never giving up
No matter what, I love you this much

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Thursday, March 10, 2005

Back again (finally)
Wow, it's been a loooooooong time since I've posted anything but I have a good excuse. Nothing much has changed, still single (and not for lack of trying), still a red-neck (or rough-neck as one of my friends put it), I do need a haircut, though. I'm planning on ripping up the carpet in my house and putting down wood floors, I bought my mom a pair of Versace glasses since the dog ate her old ones, and I'm learning to play the guitar (I only know 3 songs) which brings the total number of instruments that I can play up to about four or five, depending on whether you count a piano and a synthesizer as two different instruments or not [don't tell anybody though ;-)]. My computer got a worm or something, so I had to wipe the whole damn hard drive, so that was fun *sarcasm*. Oh, and one of my friends is going to try to set me up with one of her friends who thinks I'm cute and a gentleman, so that should be pretty funny (as long as I remember not to get involved in a belching contest, I might make it to a record-setting four weeks eh? *LOL*) Anyways, it's 2:30 in the morning and I still have an ass-load of work to do over Spring Break (yippie), not to mention re-flooring my house, so I better go get some sleep. Later.
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Monday, November 1, 2004

Rebuilding Iraq - Successes
As you read this, keep in mind that it took us 7 years to rebuild Japan after WWII, and we didn't have the deposed emporer in hiding, stirring up terrorists and trying to impede our progress.

Since President Bush declared an end to major combat on May 1...

... The first battalion of the new Iraqi Army has graduated and is on active duty.

... over 60,000 Iraqis now provide security to their fellow citizens.

... Nearly all of Iraq's 400 courts are functioning.

... the Iraqi judiciary is fully independent.

... On Monday, October 6 power generation hit 4,518 megawatts-exceeding the prewar average.

... all 22 universities and 43 technical institutes and colleges are open, as are nearly all primary and secondary schools.

... By October 1, Coalition forces had rehab-ed over 1,500 schools - 500 more than scheduled.

... Teachers earn from 12 to 25 times their former salaries.

... All 240 hospitals and more than 1200 clinics are open.

...Doctors salaries are at least eight times what they were under Saddam.

... Pharmaceutical distribution has gone from essentially nothing to 700 tons in May to a current total of 12,000 tons.

... The Coalition has helped administer over 22 million vaccination doses to Iraq's children.

... A Coalition program has cleared over 14,000 kilometers of Iraq's 27,000 kilometers of weed-choked canals which now irrigate tens of thousands of farms. This project has created jobs for more than 100,000 Iraqi men and women.

... We have restored over three-quarters of prewar telephone services and over two-thirds of the potable water production.

... There are 4,900 full-service telephone connections. We expect 50,000 by year-end.

... The wheels of commerce are turning. From bicycles to satellite dishes to cars and trucks, businesses are coming to life in all major cities and towns.

... 95 percent of all prewar bank customers have service and first-time customers are opening accounts daily.

... Iraqi banks are making loans to finance businesses.

... The central bank is fully independent.

... Iraq has one of the worlds most growth-oriented investment and banking laws.

... Iraq has a single, unified currency for the first time in 15 years.

... Satellite TV dishes are legal.

... Foreign journalists aren't on 10-day visas paying mandatory and extortionate fees to the Ministry of Information for minders and other government spies.

... There is no Ministry of Information.

... There are more than 170 newspapers.

... You can buy satellite dishes on what seems like every street corner.

... Foreign journalists (and everyone else) are free to come and go.

... A nation that had not one single element - legislative, judicial or executive - of a representative government, now does.

... In Baghdad alone residents have selected 88 advisory councils. Baghdad's first democratic transfer of power in 35 years happened when the city council elected its new chairman.

... Today in Iraq chambers of commerce, business, school and professional organizations are electing their leaders all over the country.

... 25 ministers, selected by the most representative governing body in Iraq's history, run the day-to-day business of government.

...The Iraqi government regularly participates in international events. Since July the Iraqi government has been represented in over two dozen international meetings, including those of the UN General Assembly, the Arab League, the World Bank and IMF and, today, the Islamic Conference Summit. The Ministry of Foreign Affairs today announced that it is reopening over 30 Iraqi embassies around the world.

... Shia religious festivals that were all but banned, aren't.

...For the first time in 35 years, in Karbala thousands of Shiites celebrate the pilgrimage of the 12th Imam.

... The Coalition has completed over 13,000 reconstruction projects, large and small, as part of a strategic plan for the reconstruction of Iraq.

... Uday and Quesy are dead - and no longer feeding innocent Iraqis to the zoo lions, raping the young daughters of local leaders to force cooperation, torturing Iraq's soccer players for losing games, or murdering critics.

... Children aren't imprisoned or murdered when their parents disagree with the government.

... Political opponents aren't imprisoned, tortured, executed, maimed, or are forced to watch their families die for disagreeing with Saddam.

... Millions of long-suffering Iraqis no longer live in perpetual terror.

... ... Saddam is gone.

... Iraq is free.

... Yet, little or none of this information has been published by the Press corps that prides itself on bring you all the news that's important.

Iraq under US lead control has come further in six months than Germany did in seven years or Japan did in nine years following WWII. Military deaths from fanatic Nazi's, and Japanese numbered in the thousands and continued for over three years after WWII victory was declared.

It took the US over four months to clear away the twin tower debris, let alone attempt to build something else in its place.

Taking everything into consideration, even the unfortunate loss of our sons and daughters in this conflict, do you think anyone else in the world could have accomplished as much as the United States in so short a period of time
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Monday, October 18, 2004

   Bad choices
Ha. Right now I'm contemplating doing something immensely stupid. Even dumber than all my bungee jumping, rock climbing, surfing, and rodeo stunt combined. Ok, the situation is this: I love my best friend, I actually dated her for a short time. She broke it off because she was either scared of getting physical with me (not THAT physical though) or because she didn't find me attracive after we started dating or because she was just too wierded out by us dating, I'm not really sure which. Anyways, she was dating this guy, but he broke-up with her a few days ago. I am currently contemplating asking her if she wanted to try going out again. The thing is, if I do, I might just wind up being her rebound guy or just completely screwing up our relationship. On the other hand, I really have strong feelings for her and I still dream about her and I think that it could be a long-lasting, meaningful relationship. Advice on this is asked for and welcome. Probably I'll just let it go (benefits of being a coward, huh?)
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Sunday, October 3, 2004

Just a quote.
"My friend and I are like two sides of the same coin. Or, conversely, the same side of two coins."
--Unknown
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   Love Life
So, for the past few weeks, I've been flirting with this girl in my English class (she's from Canada). If all goes well, she'll be my fourth girlfriend this year (yeah, I know, four girlfriends in a year is bad; it seems that they all get sick at the thought of me touching them *sigh*). If I'm lucky, this relationship with be my longest so far and actually last a month (right now the record is three weeks). It seems that the more time I spend with my girlfreind, the sooner she breaks up with me, I wonder if there's a connection? Anyways, wish me luck.
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