Wednesday, October 12, 2005

I've figured it out.
I had an epiphany last night. The thing I've been trying to figure out lately would be my relationships with my friends. Here it is (names have been changed b/c I feel like it):

The Binganator: I still have strong feelings for her, but I know that she doesn't and will never have romantic feelings for me again. I'm not even sure if that's actually how I feel or if it's just because of the way our relationship ended with us still being close friends and now we don't see each other much and the whole situation just sucks.

Celtic Not: I'm not even sure that I would really call her a friend, she's more of an aquaintence. Our relationship is at best comperable to a blind man with an inner ear infection trying to walk a tightrope during a hurricane. The problem isn't that I don't like her or don't want to be her friend, it's just that we're too much alike in our negative aspects. Especially pride. And I used to like her alot and now she's dating another guy and he's a great and awesome guy (more on that in a sec). And it's not even that I like her (in a romantic sense) that much or even really want to go out with her, but it's the whole pride thing again. It just gets to me a little that I was never an option.

Boris: This guy is just wicked cool and even though I knew it all along, I used to pick on him alot in high school and I feel like shit about it. I apologized to him and he said not to worry, but I mean I was a complete asshole to him and I know that a simple apology wasn't enough to make up for it. I kinda just wish that he'd punch me so I'd feel better because I got what I deserve.

Mr. Ninja: Don't even have a real relationship with this guy, and honestly, I'm pretty sure that he really doesn't like me that much even though all we know about each other is first and last names.

Allygator: A girl I've dated a couple of times and even though we agreed that there was never going to be anything there and the dating was just for kicks, she's started popping into my head at random moments and I'm starting to get that mushy feeling when it happens. But I'm pretty sure it's just my pride acting up again.

The Bostonian: Another girl I know. She's kinda cute I guess but there's definately nothing there. But considering my track record thus far, I'm scared that I'm going to say/do something really stupid and screw up like I have with other friends (Celtic Not in particular). Once again she doesn't really know anything about me past my name and I think it's probably best to keep it that way.

As a matter of fact, The Binganator is the only one who does really know anything about me because to be quite honest, I'm scared to let people know me because that just makes it easier for them to find your weaknesses. More than one of the people listed above I know for a fact would betray me if they were given the chance.

Now that I know what I've been thinking, I just need to figure out what to to about it. Any suggestions?
Comments (0)