Saturday, May 1, 2004

   Favorite Stand-ups, and the return of rap master Ed!
I don't have much to talk about, so I decided to update myOtaku with my top three favorite stand-up comedians of all time.

1.) George Carlin


2.) Dennis Leary


3.) Lewis Black

All three curse like sailors, have no limits to what they'll say, and are incredibly pissed off most of the time. They're almost like idols to me. I can't help but laugh whenever they open their mouths because they always say hilarious things. Well, it isn't much of an update, but it's all I could think of at the moment. Leave comments, and share you favorite comedians if you wish as well.

Oh, and just to let some of you know I've put out a couple raps in the Battle Arena on OB. Take a look see, they're pretty amusing.

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Friday, April 30, 2004

   Meh...
I couldn't find a picture of a monkey punching a guy in the face, so I guess this will have to do...


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Monday, April 26, 2004

   Sick, and tired...
As the subject implies I have been very sick, and tired as of late. I've been sick for the past couple days, well even the past couple weeks on and off again, not to mention very tired. So I haven't been online as much, just kinda laying around hoping to drift into a peaceful oblivion. This is a little explanation as to why I haven't updated myOtaku in a little while, and also explains why I haven't been on much to talk to a couple people I always talk to so here's why. Maybe it's this crazy f-ing weather. I mean one minute it's warm as hell, then the next its freezing, and pouring down rain. And all though I feel tired, I can't sleep for the most part. Its strange, I just feel drained. Maybe its also from feeling depressed, you can get sick from being depressed from what I hear. Maybe I'm just worrying about a certain someone too much. Who knows... I'm tired I'm going to try and fall into that coma I've been hoping for.

Thanks for reading my life BS, I know it's not interesting. Well, soon I'll update with more interesting things, like monkeys beating people up. We'll see what comes to my mind. Later.

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Monday, April 19, 2004

   More from the Little Book of Bad Taste!
All right, continuing with my posts dedicated to bad taste, thanks to The Little Book of Bad Taste, I'm going to keep this moving-however I'm going to do this a little differently this time. The last few times I picked a few things from a few different sections of the book, but this time I'm going to stick to one section of the book. I'm sure it will still be just as enjoyable-well, to the right person anyway. Here it goes!

10 Uses for a Dead Person
1) When D.H. Lawrence died, his lover Frieda had his ashes tipped into a concrete mixer and incorporated into her new mantelpiece.

2) In 1891 French surgeon Dr Varlot developed a method of preserving corpses by covering them with a thin layer of metal (in effect, he was electroplating the dead). Dr Varlot's technique involved making the body conductive by exposing it to silver nitrate, then immersing it in a galvanic bath of copper sulfate, producing a millimeter-thick coating of copper: "a brilliant red copper finish of exceptional strength and durability."

3) In ancient Rome, where human blood was prescribed as a cure for epilepsy, epileptics hung around near exit gates of public arenas so that they could drink the blood of slain gladiators as they were dragged out.

4) In medieval Europe it was fashionable to eat and rub into the body bits of ancient Egyptian mummy for medical purposes. The body parts of decomposing Egyptians were widely touted as a cure for abscesses, fractures, contusions, paralysis, migraine, epilepsy, sore throats, nausea, disorders of the liver and spleen and internal ulcers. In the early part of this century some Arab tribes were still using mummies to prevent hemorrhaging. Mummy-trafficing became a lucrative and highly organized business, starting in the Egyptian tombs and following a well-planned route to Europe. The bottom finally fell out of the mummy market in the late seventeenth century, when people found out that dealers were selling "fake" mummy made out of recently murdered slaves.

5) Elizabethan medical text books recommended an alternative cure-all: powdered human skull dissolved in red wine.

6) British farmers were "processing" human corpses to create raw materials long before the Nazis thought of it. On November 18, 1882 the Observer reported that the Napoleonic battlefields of Leipzig, Austerlitz and Waterloo had been "swept alike of the bones of the hero and of the horse which he rode," and that hundreds of tons of bones had been shipped to Yorkshire bone-grinders to make fertilizers for farmers. After the siege of Plevna in 1877 a local newspaper farming column casually reported that "30 tons of human bones, comprising 30,000 skeletons, have just been landed at Bristol from Plevna."

7) German scientists involved in a car safety research at the University of Heidelberg routinely use human crash dummies, including the corpses of children. Researchers in other countries have condemned the practice of smashing human cadavers into brick walls as abhorrent, but it hasn't prevented many from paying to see the results.

8) When the mistress of the nineteenth-century French novelist Eugene Sue died, she willed him her skin with instructions that he should bind a book with is. He did.

9) The philosopher and reformer Jeremy Bentham lamented the wasteful business of burying dead people, and suggested that every man, if properly embalmed, could be used as his own commemorative bust or statue: he called them "autoicons." The possibilities, Bentham posited, were endless: portraits of ancestors could be replaced with actual heads, "...many generations being deposited on a few shelves or in a modest sized cupboard." When Bentham died he put his money where his mouth was by leaving instructions that his own body be dissected for the benefit of medical science, then embalmed, dressed in his own clothes, and placed in a glass case. His head had to be replaced with a wax version, however, because he had taken on an unfortunately grim expression during the embalming process. Bentham's physician, Dr Southwood Smith, kept the body until his own death in 1850, when it was presented to University Collage, London.

10) The size of regulation soccer ball, roughly the size of a man's head, was arrived at by design: the first football ever used in England was the head of a dead Danish brigand.

There you have it, another chapter in bad taste come and gone. What I posted wasn't very entertaining in the sense of humor, as some of them were the last couple times I did this, however I think they are at least interesting-in a morbid kind of way. Leave your comments if you wish, thanks.
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Saturday, April 17, 2004

   ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz....
Wow, myOtaku has gone completely dead. I haven't had any visitors, other than myself for the past couple days. And even when I did have people looking, no one seems to be interested in leaving comments. Argh-so boring. Damn it people, liven up!
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Wednesday, April 14, 2004

   The Little Book of Bad Taste continued!
This is a continuation of my last post in which I began posting passages from a book I picked up called "The Little Book of Bad Taste." I picked out some very amusing ones this time, and so I assume you'll enjoy these ones a little more than the last ones. Not all of them are humorous really, but there is some amusement in them too.

All-time Least Romantic Honeymoons
1) A young Japanese couple, Sachi and Tomio Hidaki, were married in 1978, but they were so shy that they didn't get around to consummating their marriage for another 14 years. Sadly, the excitement of enjoying normal marital relations for the first time was too much for them and they both died of heart attacks.

2) Cesare Borgia, the son of the early sixteenth-century Pope Alexander V, had his wedding night wrecked when a practical joker switched his regular medication for a bottle of laxative pills.

3) German-born Amy Weltz went to her wedding in Brisbane in September 1993 unaware of the Australian tradition of smearing wedding cake in your spouse's face. When her new husband Chas rubbed a slice of wedding cake in her face during the reception she quickly responded by smashing a bottle over his head, killing him almost instantly.

Occupational Hazards
1) The only recorded death of an obstetrician during childbirth occurred in February of 1996. Finnish doctor Arvo Nikula was holding upside-down the newborn baby he had helped deliver when it kicked him in the right temple, triggering a fatal hemorrhage.

2) In May 1994 a French clown called Yves Abouchar died during his circus act, the first clown ever to have choked to death while receiving a custard pie in the face.

3) In April 1983 Mike Stewart, president of the Auto Convoy Company, Dallas, Texas, was standing on the back of a flatbed truck when it passed under a low-level bridge killing him instantly. At the time he was presenting a piece to camera for a TV item about the dangers of low-level bridges. (How's that for ironic?)

Rules of Etiquette
1) It is traditional for Russian cosmonauts to urinate on a tire of the bus that takes them to the launch pad, a custom initiated by Yuri Gagarin himself.

2) In Nepal, Narikot wives are obliged to wash their husbands' feet, then drink the dirty water as a token of their devotion. (What the fuck--?)

3) The typical greeting of Masai tribesmen is to spit at each other.

4) According to ancient Jewish law, bad breath is grounds for divorce.

5) Fijian cannibals usually ate with their hands, but out of respect for the dead they used a ritual wooden fork for eating people. (Respect? How about not eating them?)

That's all for now. If you have any comments, feel free to leave them. Also if you were wondering why I'm making posts like this, well here's the answer...

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Tuesday, April 13, 2004

   The Little Book of Bad Taste...
This past Saturday I picked up a little book titled "The Little Book of Bad Taste." It is quite an interesting book, sometimes anyway. Basically, it list events that has really happened, strange and/or disturbing things that is in bad taste. I don't quite know how they are in bad taste for simply listing these strange occurrences, well maybe it's because they're listing them and then selling the book for six dollars. Eh, whatever, I got it for fifty cents anyway, and little bad taste isn't bad. So what I plan to do is post a couple of these bad taste stories every once in a while just to have something to update myOtaku with. Heh, now if that isn't bad taste I don't know what is. Anyway, have fun reading a bunch of stupid and useless information.

Historical Deformities
1) Anne Boleyn had six fingers on her left hand, and three nipples. If King Henry VIII's charges against her of adultery and incest had failed he planned to use this as evidence to have her burned as a witch.

2) Both Napoleon, as well as Adolf Hitler, had one testicle.

3) Moses was a reluctant public speaker, who described himself as "heavy of mouth." He had a major speech impediment, and probably suffered from a cleft lip and palate. In Exodus 6:12:30 Moses describes his mouth as having "uncircumcised lips."

Capital Oddities
1) In may 1994 a prison in Varner, Arkansas, began a policy of executing two death row inmates at a time, because multiple executions saved money on overtime and were "less stressful." A prison official explained: "Nobody wants to get up in the morning and go kill somebody."

2) When murderer Albert Clozza was sent to the electric chair in Virginia, in 1991, the surge of current caused his eyeballs to pop out onto his cheeks.

Gruesome Collectibles
1) The stuffed carcass of Toto, the dog who starred with Judy Garland in 1939 film Wizard of Oz, fetched 2,300 at auction in 1996.

2) A toilet seat allegedly belonging to Adolf Hitler was put up for auction in Los Angeles, California, in 1968. The seller, Guy Harris, a former American fighter pilot, claimed he rescued it from Hitler's bunker in 1945--the only item he could find that had not already been scavenged by Russian troops.

3) The legendary bank robbers Bonnie and Clyde were enjoying bacon and tomato sandwiches in their car when they were ambushed by a posse of patrolmen and perforated by 77 bullets, splattering bits of brains all over the upholstery. The car and it's contents were swooped on by local trophy-hunters, who even cut off locks of Bonnie Parker's hair. One man was apprehended by a coroner as he was attempting to saw off one of Clyde Barrow's ear.

All right, that's all for now. I realize these are probably stupid, and uninteresting, but then again it doesn't really matter since there are probably only two or three people who look at myOtaku. If you have any comments, then feel free to leave them. It'd be interesting to see what people think of some of these things.
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Sunday, April 11, 2004

   HAPPY EASTER!!!!
It's a day of celebration folks! It's Easter Day, a day we celebrate Jesus returning from grave as a bunny who gives out baskets of candy. Right...

Anyway, keeping with the holiday spirit I'm here, much like at Valentine's Day, to wish everyone a Happy Easter. So here's a nice little picture for ya's! Enjoy, and Happy Easter!

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Thursday, April 8, 2004

   I AM THE MASTER!!!!!!
I seen this little quiz on Aleia's myOtaku, so I decided to give it a go expecting to fail miserably. But I surprisingly did well, well, at least much better than I expected. So--basically, I'm just posting this to boast about my Masteritudeness. *Does a George W. facial expression*


You are a MASTER of the English language!


While your English is not exactly perfect,
you are still more grammatically correct than
just about every American. Still, there is
always room for improvement...


How grammatically sound are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

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Tuesday, April 6, 2004

   Having another go at this poetry thing...
Well, as I said before, my forte is not poetry. But I felt like trying my hand at another one, and I remember Charles making a comment about how I should try something happy and upbeat. Well, there is no hot chocolate or fluff, but I hope it is good enough--heh, that was an accident, I didn't actually intend for it to rhyme, lol. I thought it would be hard, but surprisingly it came pretty easily. Leave feedback if you wish, I'd be happy to see what everyone thinks.

Filling The Void In my darkest of days I could only imagine what it would be like. Never had I imagined it might strike. A feeling of happiness washes over me like a high tide on a sandy beach. Ecstasy, and exuberance are now within my reach. My heart races, and a warmth feeling fills the void. A feeling that has, until recently, been devoid. The sadness has departed after what felt like forever. With joy it is a part I do sever. It ate at my soul like a sickness. But in moments it was dispersed with quickness. A cure I have found. Or is it the other way around? Out of the darkness I have arrived. No longer will I be deprived. My happiness does thrive! For this day I know I have survived. An angel has rescued me without even knowing. Emotion seems to never stop flowing. For once in my life I finally feel alive. New thoughts my mind does contrive. I beg the man above for this feeling to never end. It is hard to comprehend. Inside I feel it burning. For this angel I am yearning. It must be a blessing from above. For once I feel love.

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