Saturday, November 4, 2006

   It's just ten and my head's noddin'...
So yeah... my bro and I were fighitng and it got my mom in a bad mood, but I think she might be doing better now--I really hope she is.It's her b-day on Tuesday, and I think I'm gonna get her a book or something and get her a really nice gift for Christmas 'cuz I'm currently not so good on money. *sighs* *shrugs shoulders* What can I do?

I talked to my best friend for nearly two hours... AGAIN. Lol, I just miss everyone a lot. I wish so much Icould be over there sometimes, with my family of friends, but other times, I think I just might make it over here... Well, right now I'm right here, so I'm gonna be right here, and live my life. If life takes me back, I'll go back. I don't know how I'll feel at the end of the year, so I'm just gonna wait ^_^.

How were all of your Saturdays? Good, I hope! But if they weren't, tell me. You guys are my friends, and some of you have been my friends for a REALLY long time (considering how long I've been a member of the O), and even though not many of you come by here any more, I still want to know if y'all are okay or not.

*takes off to the starlit sky*
~Kyra
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Friday, November 3, 2006

Sorry I haven't been around...
Today was a good day. I'm trying to get past all this stuff that's been making me so sad, and I guess it's kinda working, but... Well, I'm just gonna say his name. I know two Joes, one at my busstop, and the one I like. I'll call the one I like J-kun. Well, the truth is, I kinda started talking to him cuz I was intrigued; someone that everyone considered an anti-social goth actually didn't mind talking to someone like me. He's very kind, but not all huggles-and-candy sort of kind. He has a good heart.

But even so, I'd look for him, and he hardly ever recognized me anywhere; now that I'm trying to get over him, I run into him more often, and he always says hi, a strange thing for me. He doesn't necessarily go crazy when he sees me (he doesn't seem to like to express himself too much when so many ppl are around--I don't know why.), but just the fact that he says hi is a big thing for me... Especially since I tend to not see him when he does; I'm always spaced out whenever he shows up, lol!

I'm kinda getting used to seeing him with his girlfriend, but it still puts me down. My mom is just waiting for me to get past him cuz she feels he puts me down... o.0. I know she cares, but he makes me so happy when he's not with his girl. Mom's just not very fond of him.

But something weird happened! Well, weird for me. It was yesterday after Poetry Club (J-kun's friend, Anarchy, showed up--that was cool. I think I'll explain it next post.), and I was just hanging out with some ppl in the school's entrance. There were about three guys, and pardon me saying it like this, but only one was white, and he was a pain -.-U. Well, he asked if any of us watched wrestling. Angie, one of the girls there (she was the only one I knew), said "It's obvious why we don't watch it *motions toward all with dark skin*, she's too Asian, and she's too emo." I looked at her with a strange expression. Since when had I been trying to be emo? Well, it stuck. And I guess it makes sense. In school standards, if you wear black, you're emo, and if there's make-up included, you become goth. Weird... I only wore black cuz I was trying to cheer myself up by wearing my favorite color! I like black! You just can't be depressed nor wear black with being labeled, lols... Just wait until I wear green or white or something...

I'm gonna go; I've posted too much about J-kun...

Special thanks to Kry! Thx very much; I really appreciated your pm ^_^ *hugs*
~Kyra
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Wednesday, November 1, 2006

   Okay, I wasn't here yesterday to wish you all a happy Halloween cuz once I started to write my post, it came out too depressing, and I just felt like I was living underneath a thick black blanket. The thing was, I saw the guy I like with his girlfriend at anime club, and, well, they were doing stuff couples do (nothing sick or out of line, strangely enough. PG!), and next thing I knew, I couldn't think! The betrayal I felt was physical, and I couldn't think "I can't believe this" or "OMG..." ... I simply hurt.

But, anyways, I saw him today in the hall. I was just walking, kinda spaced out (I'd been crying for a long while on Halloween, so I felt numb when I woke up this morning), and I suddenly look up and there's a hand in front of my face! It snaps to get my attention as he passes me by, and I hear him say "Wake up." I kinda stopped in my tracks (I thought I had crashed into somebody 0_0!), but I turned around and saw him hurry away, so I burst out laughing and actually woke up. The anime club president and his girlfriend were walking behind/next to me (unintentionally) and hadn't spoken to me, and even though I meant to tell the president something today, I couldn't wipe the smile off my face, and I just wanted to run 'til I couldn't run anymore ^XX^! Unfortunately, I heard a silent exchange between the pres. and his gf, so I can't help thinking they either know I like him, or the president's still worried about me. (He'd asked me what was wrong in anime club... I was so happy ^_^!)

Well, I didn't go trick-or-treating; my emotional state and physical state are very related, so I felt as down as my heart was, and decided to hand out candy. I had lots of fun, tho! I'm feeling much better right now, for many things, and I refuse to run like I did yesterday (I ditched anime club). I'm gonna be as strong as I was m=with my last heartbreak.

Strangest thing about all my heartbreaks is the guys never know the real reason as to why I'm so sad-- if they notice at all, lol. I'm good at hiding my emotions, but sine yesterday was the first time I saw them together, I kinda lost it ^_^U

I've bored y'all enough!
Happy Be-lated Halloween!
~Kyra
PS=Some of you may remember I mentioned that I was worried cuz one of my friends was depressed and he wouldn't tell me why? He talked to me today! He was all confused when we got off the busstop. "That's the first time I've actually had a conversation like this with someone," he said. It made me happy ^_^ It was a good day.

How was yours?
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Monday, October 30, 2006

So, yeah...
I carved mypumpkin last night! It's of a man with wings taking off, and it looks awesome!! When I get a scanner, I'll show you guys! (That'll be in, like, forever, gomen)

Not my hottest hour, I must admit. I don't really have much to say. Strange, seeing as here on theO, I'm more of the talkative type, and try to give hope through words; I'm a writer and an artist, remember? These passions require heart. Yet, at the moment, I feel so empty.

I don't know what's wrong with me... I'm so homesick. That's all. Memories don't seem like enough anymore, and I feel so selfish to want it all back again. My heart is constantly toppling off the shelf that is stability, and it shatters every time it falls, like a work of glass. Half the hurting I felt before was pain that wasn't even mine, but now that my emotions are seen as meaningless and I'm seen as only an option, I still can't let them go (the saying says "Don't make someone your priority when to them you are just an option"). And yet, there are so many that must have it so much worse than me... and I want to help them. But how can I help anybody when I'm such a mess?

This is what I get for breaking all those chain letters and leaving my past behind, cuz now that the past is all I want... it's moved on without me. I feel so alone.
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Sunday, October 29, 2006

My dad threw a costume party yesterday. I went as a gypsy--and used up all but 3 pics on the camera I was saving for Joe's b-day! I'm a natural born photographer, lol XD. Nah, most of them sucked, I think, haha, but I enjoy taking pics. I should get a digital one... my b-day's in february... but then there's christmas... hm...

Well, I talked to my bestfriend, Amber, on Friday (I called while she & Nicky were bowling, but the music was too loud, lol XD), and we talked for over two hours 0.0!! We do that every now and then. But after we hung up, it was the same as all the other phone calls: I started crying... and I'd gone a good while without crying, too >:(. Da**it, I need to do something about this; I know things are never gonna be the same even if I move back, but I always find myself consoling myself with the same image... me back in the PR with everyone, just hanging out at school or at the movies or the bowling alley. When Tish told me that Jason said something, I started crying on the phone again (-_-U I sound unstable. Maybe I am.), but she didn't notice. He'd said "Last time we went bowling, Bianca was with us!".
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TT.TT I'm gonna keep playing hard to get with this sadness. Not an easy game, I tell you, and I get caught a lot, but maybe it'll die chasing after me. Maybe, lol ^_^U.
I hope y'all had good weekends!!!
~Kyra
PS=I'm sorry I keep forgetting to post up my poem; lemme do it now...

To My Heartbreak:

I'm watching from a distance as she says goodbye.
Just a gesture and a wave:
A chance just passed you by.

I know if you told her
And your feelings she returned,
You'd be always smiling:
At least you had her.

Yet as I watch you from afar
And you're watching her go
Another side suggests
"What if the answer is no?"

I want to shut it out, but it's playing in my head
Over and over:
I just want it to end!

I don't want to imagine
That you'd smile no more
But the fact that it's true
I cannot ignore.

I know you'd be broken,
I know you'd be sad,
Distraught by the hurting
Of this love going so bad.

So as I'm watching you go
For a moment alone
Pain takes me over
And I turn tail and go.

And the next time I see you,
I'll smile and I'll laugh;
You'll never know the reason
Behind the sorrow that I have.

I'll keep on smiling day after day
And tho it'd be the same any other way
The only thing I regret not trying to say
Is "I want you to smile, so don't push me away."

This poem has two versions. One for someone I care about, and one for the person I love, but cannot see anymore. This isn't the one for the one I love; I'm working on that one.
Did y'all like it?
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Friday, October 27, 2006

   Friday!!!! WEEKEND!!!!!!!!
I'm so happy!! It's Friday!
A good Friday it was, too. Except for the fact that I found out I'm gonna be the bride of two different guys on Tuesday. That was kinda weird, but let me start from the beginning before you guys freak ^_^U
Okay, I'm taking LMS, (Life Management Skills) and we're in the Sex/Parenting unit at the moment. Turns out we need to marry somebody in our class. The names will be randomly selected from a bucket, but the older girls will be stuck with two guys (We're not sure how many girls--depends on who's absent). Well, seeing as I'm a freshman (so many ppl bug me about that =_=U!), the chances of me being stuck doing that were somewhat slim.

However, her third period class consists of five guys and one girl (they're speakers of other languages), and she needed help cuz she couldn't marry her off to five other guys speaking COMPLETELY different languages. Well, I volunteered, cuz she sounded slightly in need, and I knew she wouldn't get help from any of her other students. I got permission from my Journalism teacher, and she seemed interested in it. So interested, in fact, that she decided to send down Jonathon, a guy also in my third period, to take a picture of it for the yearbook. Splendid, isn't it? *sarcastic* *sigh* *collapses on chair* Thus, I shall be married to two men on my Hallo-wedding, just cuz I'm too much of a softie ^_^U Ah, well. I guess it's not that bad, eh?
ja ne!
~Kyra
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Thursday, October 26, 2006

I'm listening to
It's Thursday, so tha means today I had Poetry Club. It was fun, as always; turns out that our President's b-day's on Monday, so we're gonna have pizza on Thursday to celebrate Halloween and his birthday ^_^ I can't wait!

I continued working on my most recent poem... I'll post it if y'all want, just ask, 'kay? And besides that, I noticed I slimmed down from riding my bike so much 0.0! Cool! Like, my jeans fit better and all, and I just feel loads happier whenever I finish riding! Exercise is addictive ^_^ Try it, lol!

Well, that's it. Yeah, stuff's kinda boring for me lately, but there's not much I can really report here 'cept how I'm feeling with this thing going on with the guy I like (boring for y'all; I'll spare ya, lols ^_^U) and school (MEGA-BORING), so I'm gonna sign out.
~Kyra
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Wednesday, October 25, 2006

My bros are fighting
Well, not much to say. I haven't stopped writingpoetr for a cpl days, and I don't think I'll have my pic ready for the art competition (not the Otaku one I've been hearing about)... Today I feel physically better (a little) but let's just say things got a bit messy at school... Being sick can do that to ya.

And about the thing I got upset of yesterday... I just feel numb. It's strange... it's like, whenever I really remember him, I just want to slow down and stop for a moment--I mean that quite literally. I'm walking home from the busstop, and all of a sudden, his face comes into my head, and I just... stop. I don't move, and I feel tears about to come at any moment.

It's killing me... and my bro just-- I don't wanna talk about it. He came and did/said some really stupid things just now, and I feel I'm gonna throw something.
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I'm gonna try to ride my bike. It made me better yesterday.

How are all of you? Hardly anyone comes around anymore... Did I miss some of your sites? I know I missed 4 yesterday, but I was exhausted (Sorry Mew Holliberi! You're the only one of that 4 that comes ^_^), and I may have missed more, but it was either accidental or you came on later than me.
~Kyra
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Tuesday, October 24, 2006

   Sick...!
Okay, so I'm gonna be honest: good-ish day for me. I was terribly sick (not contagious), but I guess it's to be expected, seeing as it's been so long since I got sick. I was surprised I didn't get much work for being absent yesterday! And I figured out what happened! Turns out my alarm has been going off at sixx thirty one instead of five twenty. This is the first time it's let me down...! *tears up* After over three years...!

Well, besides that, there's not much to report... Well, there's one more thing that has yet to sink in. Turns out the guy I like's got a (quote) "completely obvious and huge crush" on a girl I know. Well, I don't know her THAT much, but she's one of our v.presidents, so yeah.
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I'm gonna go ride my bike and try to forget this. Again. I can't believe I--even after it's happened so many times!!--get myself into these messes!
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And thus, I'm gonna go relieve myself. It's freezing, and our first unofficial day of winter ^_^! *blows confetti and noise maker* GIVE IT UP FOR THE COLD ^__^!!
~Kyra
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Monday, October 23, 2006

I can't believe I slept through the alarm...
My mom suggested that I stay home today cuz of my current stress levels. I wanted to go to school cuz I knew it would just stress me out more to make-up. It didn't matter either way, cuz I confused my alarm for my mom's and slept through it. I woke up twenty minutes before school started, and I live about twenty minutes from school, not to mention no one can give me a ride.

Thus, right now I am sick and at home. I'm not gonna think about school right now, lols.

And wowza! Tish actually e-mailed me back! Well, not exactly "back", but she wrote to me! As I expected, it was all about her guy-friend and a fight I had to pretend I didn't know about. *sigh* That's never gonna change about her, but oh well!

Hm... the time's runnign out 'til the art competition deadline, so I'm gonna work on that today. Well, I don't know what else to say, so...

ja ne!
~Kyra
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