Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Not Looking For Sympathy Just Gotta Get It Out
Ok, so lately I haven't ever been able to get a couple of subjects out of my mind lately, and it freaks me out more than anything, and I have to like write about it or something, maybe than it won't bug me so much later on. So everyone in my family has started a family (my sister is married and has a baby, my brother is engaged and has a baby, and my other baby has a baby). Everyone has a baby or is having a baby, and I haven't even had a serious relationship. Now, I pretty much never give into what other people are doing, I only do stuff that looks like fun pretty much. And I'm freaked out that I'm just gonna wind up all alone for the rest of my life. I'm 17, and the longest relationship I've ever had was a couple of months. And he was my only boyfriend, so I'm constantly thinking that I screwed up the one relationship that I will ever have. He's now engaged like everyone else. He used to piss me off like all the time b/c he was such a mama's boy and was always lieing to me, but it still freaks me out that maybe he'll be the only guy that'll actually be able to stand all my immature bullshit and like me. I hate meeting new people though since I hate rejection. I have so many insecurities, that I have to try to cover them up by joking and acting tough, like I don't care about anything else but me. I can't help but think of all the things that I could have done different with Joe that would've made it work. I know he wasn't the guy for me. Because I've made a list of the qualities my perfect guy needs to have and he didn't have a single one of them:
~Funny/Immature (prolly the most important thing)
~Talkative (but not to talkative)
~Semi-Romantic
~Not self-centered (i.e. if we're having sex, I tell them they're big, they don't say "I know" good chance I'm lieing)
~Honest and Open (If they cheat, I want them to tell me)
~Has Goals
~NO MAMA'S BOYS!!
~Cuddly ^^
~Tall
~No Fatty Fats
~Prefer Dark Haired (but blondes are good to b/c than you can dye the hair)
~Good Fashion Sense
~Knows How To Wreastle Around and Not Be A Pussy About It

thats all I can think of right now...lip piercings wouldn't hurt. Penis sizes I don't care about b/c I'm not a big fan of sex, very over-rated. Foreplay is the best. Yeah, I just had to get all that off my chest. All I can think about is having a baby and getting married. Babies sometimes scare me though b/c they're so dependable on you if you screw up it's like forever with them...
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