Wednesday, December 15, 2004

   Hope You Like
My nose is running, but somehow stopped up at the same time. My throat hurts and my eyes burn with the dreadful thing they call: A COLD. I can't believe I'm sick. It really sucks. Of course, my stepbrother is more sick that I am. I think I caught it from him. I wish I was just a carrier or something. I don't know. Bleck.

I watched Fruits Basket and collected some great quotes. I'm going to be putting some up on my website, so please go see it.

This kid on my bus named Forrest (he's in 11th grade) wanted to borrow my poems yesterday. I told him he could take the ones he wanted. So he did. They were some ones that I really liked and that I'd written a long while ago. No one's ever wanted to take my poems before. I feel really flattered. I mean, the only people who compliment me on my poems are the teachers and Kimra (Kimi), one of my friends. Oh, and the people at LEAF who listen to me at the Poetry Slam. Did I tell you I got 2nd place in the Slam in October? Yeah, I was really proud. However, I couldn't get my reward because I couldn't find the MC, Rylie. HE IS SO HOT!!! He's in college, but I don't care. I can still look. He once wrote a poem about sex that made me go weak in the knees. Oh, twas beautiful. Then again, whatever comes out of his mouth sounds good because his voice is so damn pretty! *face melt* Whee...anyway, I feel really flattered that he wanted my poems. I should have asked him what he wanted them for, but I can't. I don't know why, I just feel nervous about asking him. It's odd, I know, but what isn't weird about me?

Rachael just said the best line ever about someone dying (I think). "...Taylor becomes one with the sun, and sets." Isn't that cool? Wow. Awesome. Okay, I'll come out of my Creative Writing brain.

I had a dream last night. Well, as Neil Gaiman's Dream/Morpheus has told us many times, everybody dreams, we just don't remember them. My dream last night was about my whole family (mom, brother, step dad, stepbrother, stepsister, and me) moving to a big yellow house on a thin line of land that stuck out into the sparkling ocean. All of the rooms had lush, thick carpets and their own AC/heating controls. Robert (my step brother) had some red sports car and I had a geo with bright, differently colored splotches on it. Mom had her dark blue minivan and Robbie (step dad) had his big green truck. Kate (step sister) and Duncan (my real brother) didn’t have cars, because they’re both still too young right now. I guess they were too young in my dream, I guess, too. Anyway, that dream house (haha, pun!) was loverly. I want to live in a big yellow house. That would be cool.

All right. I’m going to put the semi-short story that I wrote for Creative Writing on here.

Once Upon A Daydream
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl who lived far up in a tower. It was a high tower; its walls could not be scaled and its windows had sharp clear glass bars on them. The girl could not break the bars. They were just glass, the dead butterflies trapped in them glittering. Sometimes, the girl could see them flying inside their crystalline prisons. Then she would look away, and the butterflies would return to their frozen state.
The girl’s room was beautiful too. She had a large canopy bed, a marshmallow-like mattress with deep purple sheets, twilight pillows, and a midnight coverlet that matched her best friend’s eyes. The canopy on her bed was the color of the sun rising and billowed out over her. When she woke up in the middle of the night to strange sounds, she could see the moonlight shining through the yellow gauze.
The girl woke up one night to the sound of her best friend’s whistle, a paper cut in the night’s heavy silence. The girl pulled back her curtains with a smile. She looked down from the tower and saw her friend far below.
The whistle came again, this time low. “ Come on, Jessa! Niamey is having her concert tonight and it is going to be absolutely burning!” the best friend called.
Jessa laughed at her friend. “ You know she’d never start without her Jessa and her Phoenix,” she said.
Phoenix glared up. “ Just hurry up, please!” she replied with fake venom.
“ I’ll be right down!” Jessa called, leaving her curtains open. She pulled on a slinky pink flapper dress and a black pea coat, just to keep out the chill that invaded Niamey’s concerts sometimes.
There was a knock and then Jessa’s door flew open. Her mother stood there, looking like an owl caught in the moonlight that suddenly shone through the haze of clouds. She blinked her big brown eyes and ran her fingers through her already frizzy chestnut hair. “ Where’re you going?” she asked sleepily.
“ I dunno yet,” Jessa answered, slipping past her mother.
“ Are you going with Phoenix?” her mother asked as she went down the stairs after Jessa.
“ Yeah. Why?”
“ Just wondering,” Her mother said.
Jessa’s mother has visions. She had one when she first saw Phoenix, after which she fainted on the stairs. Later, Jessa’s mother told her that she saw Jessa, Phoenix, and their long-time friend, Niamey, standing on the edge of Sanity and then falling in. Jessa had laughed, said her mother was crazy, and walked away. When Jessa told Phoenix, the blue-streaked-haired girl shrugged and said, “ Well you never know.” Jessa didn’t think it was funny after that.
“ Don’t worry, Mom. We’ll stay away from big black holes,” Jessa joked, trying to lighten the mood.
Her mother came up to her and kissed her on both cheeks. “ It’s my job to worry,” She said in a whisper.
“ Then try no to worry so much,” Jessa said. “ I’ll be back sometime.”
“ Be safe,” Her mother said after her.
Jessa walked out the door of her house and found Phoenix standing against the gate to their yard. It was a little white gate, with a fence to the left and right of it that seemed to trail on for a long while until it turned a corner. Malicious, thorny ivy grew along it. Jessa didn’t like the ivy; it had bit her once.
“ So, where’s Niamey playing tonight?” she asked.
Phoenix fished something out of the pocket of her blue silk trench coat. The tail flaps of it flipped behind her, hitting her bare heels as she strode along- for Phoenix didn’t just walk, it seemed as if there was an invisible force propelling her forward, which was why she never looked back.
The something that Phoenix pulled out was a pair of white gloves. She pulled them on, one finger at a time, and then clapped her hands together. A cloud of glitter appeared, and Jessa stuck her hands under it, catching some in her hands like the remnants of a fallen star. She touched it to her face and hair and arms, watching as it became trapped on her skin, stuck there by her sweat.
“ The steps of the Color Town Museum,” Phoenix answered finally.
“ Oh, a big crowd?” Jessa said, awed.
“ Yup.”
The pair walked in silence awhile, Jessa sticking her hand out whenever they passed by a tree or shrub. Eventually, the dew of the muggy night came off on her left hand. Phoenix watched her, hands deep in her pockets. Suddenly, she stopped and put two fingers to her lips.
“ You hear that?” she asked, looking up at Jessa.
“ Hear what-“
“ BOO!”
“ AH!” Jessa exclaimed and grabbed Phoenix’s arm.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Wyllim stood staring up at the high window of Jessa’s room. He was outside the white picket fence that barely contained the roaring foliage of her mother’s garden. Various unidentifiable leafy green things sprawled from the backyard, squeezed around the house’s side yards, and then overflowed into the front. A trellis framed the little gate that led to the walk up to their home, but Wyllim had never walked it. He had never been inside Jessa’s house, however much he wanted to go in.
“ This time, it’s for real.” He said, his hands clenched into heart-sized fists under his sleeves.
He opened the gate and it creaked, sounding familiar. It reminded him of Phoenix’s whistle. He had a lot to be grateful for, including that whistle, which had first alerted him of Jessa, first alerting his heart that it could start beating again.
Knocking on the door, Wyllim felt his stomach knot itself into a tangle not unlike his former girlfriend’s eyes. They were a complicated mass of gold, contrasting with her white skin and lighter hair. Niamey was a whitewashed piece of woman, the only warmth coming from her insides and from the music she picked out on her violin.
Wyllim felt only friendship toward Niamey now. His affections had moved on to Jessa. He was ready to bring her out of home. As far as he knew, only Phoenix had been able to persuade Jessa to leave her tower –as she called it- at night. Wyllim didn’t know why Jessa called it a tower; it was only two stories up, and looked like any other corner of a house. Maybe, she fancied herself Rapunzel, waiting for a handsome prince to come to her rescue. Maybe he would be that prince.
“ Who are you?” a woman asked him. It could only be Jessa’s mother. They shared the same mesmerizing brown eyes and copper-toned hair, though her mother’s had significantly faded to a dull chestnut, the color of a cabinet that hadn’t been dusted in a long time.
“ My name is Wyllim. I’m here for Jessa,” He sounded like a prison warden; not good. He wanted to sound like the dashing prince. So, he revised, “ I’d like to speak to Jessa.”
“ She’s gone.,” Her mother said as if sighing. “ She went to Niamey’s concert,” the woman arched her eyebrows.
“ Do you know where it’s being held?” he asked.
“ No, I’m sorry. But if you’re looking for Jessa, she’s there.”
“ Thank you. I have to go now,” Wyllim said.
The woman had gotten a far-off look in her eyes, which were going a dull mahogany. “ If you can’t find her, follow the fragments of sanity,” She said, and her voice was clear like a wineglass.
“ Uhm, okay,” Wyllim said, then hurried out of the gate. His baggy black pants snagged on one of the vicious thorns, and he cursed as he pulled himself free, wrenching loose a small piece of skin in the process.
The blood only the made the thorn darker.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Jessa’s brown eyes returned to their normal size when she saw that it was only Wyllim who had scared her. She punched him in the arm and glared with no conviction. “ Why’d you do that?” she asked.
Between laughs, words escaped: “ Because…I thought it would be…funny!”
“ It was,” Phoenix laughed, tossing her hair over one shoulder. Wyllim’s gaze didn’t stray from Jessa.
“ How far to the Museum?” he asked.
“ Look!” Jessa said, pointing with her whole arm. The Color Town Museum was decorated to the extreme. The gigantic columns were dressed up as May Poles, and people danced around them like cutout paper figures.
Wyllim took it all in with one sweep of his dark eyes. Phoenix tapped him, pointing to an area where a bunch of people pulsed in a dance. Music flowed above the whole spectacle, dominating the scene with furious, hunting measures and flighty, delicate notes. He turned to Jessa, but she was already running down the road to the huge flight of steps that led up to the columns and the museum entrance.
“ Go on after your lady love. I’ve got things to do,” Phoenix said, nodding at him.
Wyllim smiled shyly at her, then ducked his head and ran after Jessa. He caught up just as she slowed down. They reached the steps together.
Jessa looked up when she reached the top of the flight of stairs. Her gaze met that of a pale angel, whose eyes glistened a knot of gold and whose hair was gilded with white glitter and braided with clear sequins. They reflected the night back to Jessa, who grinned at the angel holding the violin.
“ I came, Niamey,” She said, hugging her friend.
“ Hey, Jessa. Hey, Wyllim,” the angel, Niamey, greeted with her voice of molten honey.
“ Performing new stuff?” Wyllim asked.
“ Brand new,” Niamey confirmed with a wicked smile.
“ I’m sorry I missed the old stuff. Dionysus and the Horned Man kept me up all night with their stupid stories,” Jessa said, rolling her eyes. Wyllim glanced sharply at her.
“ Dionysus and the Horned Man?” he repeated with interest.
Niamey shot him a dangerous look, but Jessa had already started talking. “ These two guys that I found walking by my house one day. They said they liked my mom’s flowers, and we just got talking,” She explained.
“ Oh,” Wyllim said.
“ I’m going to go dance. Wanna come?” Jessa asked Wyllim.
He was about to go after her, but then remembered look Niamey had shot towards him. He nodded. “ I’ll be there in a sec.”
“ All right!” Jessa replied, then flung herself down the steps and started towards the block of dancing people. Wyllim watched her for a moment before turning his eyes to Niamey.
“ What?” he asked.
“ They aren’t real,” She stated.
“ Who?”
“ Dionysus and the Horned Man. They’re not real. She made them completely up. Just figments of her imagination.”
Wyllim shook his head. “ Why would she do that?” he asked.
“ Why would she lock herself in her room for days on end, insisting that it’s her ‘tower’ and she can’t let herself out because that’s disobeying the rules, which are also nonexistent?” Niamey explained in rhetoric. “ None of it’s real.”
“ Jessa wouldn’t do that. She’s got no reason to,” He argued.
Niamey shook her platinum head, rubbing resin along the string of her bow. “ She has a reason,” She said.
“ What is it?”
Niamey paused, but did not look up. After a moment, she continued her work. “ She has a reason.”
Wyllim narrowed his eyes. “ I’m going to dance with Jessa,” he muttered, half to himself.
The angel nodded. “ I think that would be a good idea,” she said.
Down in the block of dancing people, Jessa was throwing herself about with gusto. Her pink flapper dress fluttered against her knees and flew up once in awhile, making her look like a pink butterfly trapped in a sea of other butterflies. When Wyllim went up to her, she was talking to a man in front of her. He had no shirt on, only green camouflage pants that drooped well past his ankles. There were horns atop his shaggy green-dyed head.
“ Oh, Wyllim!” Jessa cried, noticing him. “ This is the Horned Man. Horned Man, this is Wyllim.”
“ Nice to meet you,” he said awkwardly. Niamey had just been telling him that he was not real. His hand was warm enough, he certainly felt real. She was wrong. Jessa wasn’t crazy; she just needed someone to understand her. Wyllim could understand.
“ He’ll never get it right,” the Horned Man said to Jessa.
“ Get what right?” Jessa and Wyllim asked at the same time. The Horned Man ignored Wyllim.
“ You know, the truth. It’s as tangled as the dear angel’s eyes,” he said to Jessa, who nodded thoughtfully as if she understood; she didn’t.
Her eyes lit up suddenly. “ Look! It’s starting.” she said.
Niamey was in between the two main columns, violin resting on her arm and shoulder, bow poised like a falcon. Then the music crashed down, and she worked furiously. Her hair poured down her back in an albino waterfall, her golden eyes flashing as the light glinted off the sleek strings. The notes thundered and crashed, swelled and broke, until the sweat of the dancers mingled with the humidity in the air, and lightning crackled between Jessa and Wyllim’s fingers when they accidentally brushed.
“ Sorry.” He muttered.
“ S’okay.” She said back, turning to look at him. For a moment, he was caught in her eyes. He looked down at his hand, and was confused to see that it wasn’t there. Ready to panic, he glanced anywhere and then back to his appendage; it was still there.
Phoenix was at his elbow. He accidentally bumped her and she grabbed his wrist. “ Stay put, okay?” He realized she was speaking to both her and Jessa.
There was an explosion. The columns blurred before Wyllim’s eyes, so he looked to clarity instead: Jessa. She stayed put, solid if only because she was holding onto Phoenix, who was always calm in a crisis.
People screamed and streamed around them. Hands caught on their clothing; Jessa’s pea coat was ripped from her hands and Phoenix lost one of her purple pearl strands in the calamity. Wyllim staggered when the last people straggled by.
Niamey sat on the steps with her violin on her lap, looking out across the ruined party towards them. She raised one hand in an unmistakable gesture of “come hither.” They walked at a brisk pace Phoenix had set towards the violinist. Once a few steps from her, Niamey seemed to look at Jessa.
“ Thanks for giving me a chance,” She said.
“ Oh, no problem!” Jessa said, smiling.
“ If there’s a heaven…” Phoenix’s voice got so low and quiet that Wyllim couldn’t hear it, then she finished, “ You’ll go there.”
The angel with the knotted golden eyes nodded complacently. “ I know,” She said before disappearing.
Wyllim stumbled on the stairs. “ Where’d she go!?!” he cried, looking from Phoenix to Jessa to the Horned Man, who had apparently come up behind them.
“ Heaven,” Phoenix said, shrugging as if she didn’t really know but was only saying that to hear her voice.
“ I don’t-I don’t get it,” Wyllim muttered, under his breath. “ It’s got to be a trick. How else would it happen? She couldn’t just disappear like that, no one can just disappear.”
Phoenix put a hand on his shoulder. “ You should get some sleep.” She said, concern in her voice. It sounded tinny to him.
“ You sound funny.” He mumbled.
“ It’s because your ears are gone.” Jessa said, and even she sounded muffled.
Wyllim clapped his hands to where his ears should be, but found nothing there. His eyes widened. “ No, I’m dreaming, I’ve got to be dreaming.”
Phoenix shook her head. “ Can’t hear you.” She shouted.
“ Why not?” he asked, but nothing came out. He put a hand to his lips and found that they were gone. His fingers traveled up, but there was no nose there.
What’s happening? He thought, frantically.
“ You’re going away.” Jessa answered. For some reason, he could still hear her. Wyllim had no time to think about how he could hear without ears.
Where did she go? Why is this happening to me? I don’t understand what’s going on! He protested.
“ Wherever fragments go when people are finished with them.” Phoenix said, smiling her classic sad smile.
“ You’re just disappearing for a little while. You’ll probably show up sooner or later, somewhere or other.” Jessa said, giggling a little.
I still don’t understand! Tell me, please, what is happening to me!?! Wyllim thought.
“ You’re just going away.” Phoenix said with a helpless shrug.
“ Don’t worry. It won’t hurt.” Jessa said, trying to be of use.
But…if I’m disappearing like this, is this all a dream? Am I asleep?
“ You’re not asleep.” Phoenix said. “ Dreams don’t sleep.”
If Wyllim had had eyes, they would have widened. What does this all mean!?! He cried, in one last attempt to understand before he disappeared completely.
“ It means that you’re not real.” Jessa said. She reached out and put a hand to his quickly dissolving cheek. “ That’s too bad. I enjoyed dancing with you. Hopefully, I’ll think you up again someday.” She then stepped away, with what seemed to be regret forming on her face.
A dream? He wondered. How could I be a dream!?!
“ There’s a thin line between the dreamers and the dreamt.” Phoenix said like a prophet.
And then Wyllim disappeared.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
There once was a beautiful girl who lived in a beautiful dream.

And that was inspired by the song Let Me Go, by 3 Doors Down. I heard it at like 10 at night and sat down to write this. I finished it at 11. I like it. What do you think?
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Tuesday, December 14, 2004

   Presents Are Gooooooood
Well, yesterday was my birthday!!! I am now at the ripe old age of fifteen! Old enough to drive, but I don't have my permit yet so that kinda sucks. I'll have to beg my mom to take me. Originally, I wanted to get it in February when all the holidays were over, but now I've changed my mind. I WANT IT NOW!!! Maybe I can get it over Christmas break. I hope so. By the way, that starts at the end of this week!!! YAY!!! So anyway, my birthday went awesome. All of my relatives came over, except for my Uncle Wesley (he’s very eccentric) because he had something to do (I gave up asking because he always gave these weird explanations; once he told me he went to a nude planetarium where there were colors all over the walls; I think maybe he was smoking something at the time). I got a lot of money (135 bucks) including giftcards and whatnot. I got a teal bomber jacket from Old Navy, a very wuvely scarf from there also, a CD player, reindeer socks (sooo cute), a HUGE book from my mom called I AM CHARLOTTE SIMMONS, a book from one of my best friend called TRICKSTER’S QUEEN (it’s the second in a series, she gave the first one to me last year), and lots of other stuff. I’ll compile a whole list for you later. I’m at school so I can’t do it right now. From another of my best friends I got a Spooky doll from Slave Labor!!! She ordered it for me and I’m squeaking it as we speak!!! SO COOL! And it’s like the cutest thing ever too. So very cute!!! I wuv it! I will carry it around with me for ever and ever and ever and ever! I love my CD player too, which has a radio on it! Finally, I can listen to 96 WAVE and 98 something-or-other. I love my alternative rock stations. ** huggles ** Okay, so my friend Kimi let me borrow the second two Fruits Basket DVDs…again. I love them. I also stole an X (the CLAMP one) from somebody in the Anime Club at our school. Can’t quite remember who. ** stares off into space ** All-righty! So yeah. I’m gonna be quite busy. And what with shopping for Christmas presents, buying mangas, DVDs, and other stuff, I will not have a lot of time to do practically anything!!! Okies, I’m hungry and I want more time to cuddle with Spooky. ^__^ SO DAMN CUTE!!! Y’all should get one. You’ll love it forever. I’ll try to find one and post it somewhere…if I can….

Love and huggles until you asphyxiate,

~Ty~

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Friday, December 10, 2004

   Je suis folle
Got caught cheating on a science project. One of my friends, Cordell, gave me a copy of his and I turned it in, just with my name on it. I know, I'm pretty stupid in that aspect but don't get too mad at me. I got a 58% on it, so I learned my lesson. The only reason I cheated in the first place was because I didn't have the project at all. Oh well. Gone and done with, I'm probably going to fail that class anyway. Speaking of, exams are coming up. **scream** I don't know what I'm going to do. I mean, I've been studying on and off and everything, but you know how these things are. This is the first year I've ever taken exams! What if I fail!?! That means I fail for the entire semester! I already have a bad enough grade in that class. I should get a professional tutor instead of just going to the National Honor Society people. Ah, well, what am I supposed to do? Eeeeeekkkk!!!

Did you know that down here some people are selling chocolate covered cockroaches as St. Christmakwanzaka presents. I think I just made up that word. Oh, I left out the Wiccan/Pagan holiday. Gotta have respect for the heathens too! *-^ Just kidding. You know I love you all equally. Seriously, if god really loved me, why would he send me to hell? **sigh** Sooooo...yeah.

MY BIRTHDAY IS IN THREE DAYS!!! WHOOPHEE!!!! I'm having a small party for my friends today. It's a sleepover. People coming are: Hanna, Hannah, Alanna, Alisa, Katherine, and Victoria. I'm so happy! Oh, and Hanna got the Johnny the Homicidal Maniac director's cut edition. I'm so happy for her! She'll probably let me read it at my party. We're going to Andolini's Pizza (the downtown one; I went with my dad there a lot, so it'll be sort of like he's there with me even though he can't be) and then to Marion Square to go ice-skating. It's going to be so much fun. But Katherine will be arriving at my house after we do all that. I'm not going to go on too much because I don't want to make her feel bad, you know? Yeah, of course you know. Seems like everybody knows except me.

This makes me sad. This December 13 will be the first birthday I've ever spent without my dad. I mean, sometimes he might've had to go play a gig (he was a saxophone player; gig means a job, for those of you not up with the musician jargon), but he was always, you know, here. As in, on this earth. But he's not anymore. I mean, I have an urn with his ashes in it and everything but, he's not here. Am I getting this right? I don't know. I always sound confused when I'm crying. I just hope I don't break down in front of my friends. I remember, in May when I told them that he'd died, that most of my friends started crying, and I just had to sit there with dry eyes because I had cried so much last night that my eyes hurt. Rachael even let me read her journal. It had this excellent entry about how good people were always the ones who died and that she felt so horrible for me and everything. Is it wrong that her words made me feel better? I don't know. Am I crazy for telling you random people that I don't know all of this stuff about my life? Do you even care? I don't know, I don't know, I DON'T KNOW!!!

Well, I'm all written out right now. Please remember to visit my site www.freewebs.com/notblackandwhite to see my writings and sign the guestbook and stuff.
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   Je suis folle, mehbeh.
Got caught cheating on a science project. One of my friends, Cordell, gave me a copy of his and I turned it in, just with my name on it. I know, I'm pretty stupid in that aspect but don't get too mad at me. I got a 58% on it, so I learned my lesson. The only reason I cheated in the first place was because I didn't have the project at all. Oh well. Gone and done with, I'm probably going to fail that class anyway. Speaking of, exams are coming up. **scream** I don't know what I'm going to do. I mean, I've been studying on and off and everything, but you know how these things are. This is the first year I've ever taken exams! What if I fail!?! That means I fail for the entire semester! I already have a bad enough grade in that class. I should get a professional tutor instead of just going to the National Honor Society people. Ah, well, what am I supposed to do? Eeeeeekkkk!!!

Did you know that down here some people are selling chocolate covered cockroaches as St. Christmakwanzaka presents. I think I just made up that word. Oh, I left out the Wiccan/Pagan holiday. Gotta have respect for the heathens too! *-^ Just kidding. You know I love you all equally. Seriously, if god really loved me, why would he send me to hell? **sigh** Sooooo...yeah.

MY BIRTHDAY IS IN THREE DAYS!!! WHOOPHEE!!!! I'm having a small party for my friends today. It's a sleepover. People coming are: Hanna, Hannah, Alanna, Alisa, Katherine, and Victoria. I'm so happy! Oh, and Hanna got the Johnny the Homicidal Maniac director's cut edition. I'm so happy for her! She'll probably let me read it at my party. We're going to Andolini's Pizza (the downtown one; I went with my dad there a lot, so it'll be sort of like he's there with me even though he can't be) and then to Marion Square to go ice-skating. It's going to be so much fun. But Katherine will be arriving at my house after we do all that. I'm not going to go on too much because I don't want to make her feel bad, you know? Yeah, of course you know. Seems like everybody knows except me.

This makes me sad. This December 13 will be the first birthday I've ever spent without my dad. I mean, sometimes he might've had to go play a gig (he was a saxophone player; gig means a job, for those of you not up with the musician jargon), but he was always, you know, here. As in, on this earth. But he's not anymore. I mean, I have an urn with his ashes in it and everything but, he's not here. Am I getting this right? I don't know. I always sound confused when I'm crying. I just hope I don't break down in front of my friends. I remember, in May when I told them that he'd died, that most of my friends started crying, and I just had to sit there with dry eyes because I had cried so much last night that my eyes hurt. Rachael even let me read her journal. It had this excellent entry about how good people were always the ones who died and that she felt so horrible for me and everything. Is it wrong that her words made me feel better? I don't know. Am I crazy for telling you random people that I don't know all of this stuff about my life? Do you even care? I don't know, I don't know, I DON'T KNOW!!!

Well, I'm all written out right now. Please remember to visit my site www.freewebs.com/notblackandwhite to see my writings and sign the guestbook and stuff.
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Wednesday, December 8, 2004

   Best Behoovior
This is odd. I'm updating right now in Creative Writing class. I always update in here. It's the only time I can get online, actually. Well, I get on AIM a lot when I'm at home, but I'm going shopping for lady-things this afternoon. Apparently, I've had growth spurts recently. It's kinda disconcerting. Certain areas getting all poppy-outey and of course my Mom's all, " It's perfectly natural, Virginia." She even said that my boobs were bigger than hers!!! o_o One of the teacher's at our school, Ms.Graves, even said to me once in eighth grade. That was only last year, but yeah. It was still a little odd.

It's my birthday in five days!!! OMG!!! I'm really excited. Katherine says: " Three days until the dance! Yay!" That would be the one that I'm NOT going to. *cough* Ahem. Anysways (my new word) I can't wait.

I went to the library yesterday and looked up a bunch of pictures of Johnny. Johnny is the main character of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac by Jhonen Vasquez. I think I spelled that right. But anyhoo, it is a COMPLETELY AWESOME COMIC!!! It's all about death and destruction, but it's got a deeper meaning than all that. All the characters are deep and Nny (Johnny's nickname) is the most tragic hero I've ever seen. Personally, if I ever met someone like Nny I'd immediatly fall in love with them and flirt like crazy. There's a kid at my school named Zak who would look a LOT like Nny if he cosplayed him. I think he should. That would make him all the more sexier. I know that's a double positive, but this kid seriously deserves a double positive...even a triple positive. See how sexy he is? He's got me, ME -the Creative Writer- using incorrect grammer over him. Ohhhh mmmmmyyyyyy gggggggoooooooddddd. Okay. That might've been an orgasmic yell or it might not have. If I was thinking about Zak, then it probably was. But you'll never know since you can't get inside my head! So there. Go on and try. I dare you. Send your diagnoses of me to: demon_blue13@yahoo.com That's my email address. Yeah, you can see that on the sidebar there. So you should go out and buy Johhny the Homicidal Maniac. It's really really good!!!! Quotes from my friends when first looking at the Johnny the Homicidal Maniac cover (by the way, these are all people in my Creative Writing class):

Katherine: That's a nice blade. I wish I had that many swords.

Rachael: Whoa. He has a big eye.

Victoria (aka Trois): Cool. Knives. It was really funny...in a sick, twisted kinda way.
(Victoria has read it before.)

Callie: What...the...hell? *laugh* Spider!

Zan: Ewwww. Actually, it's cool cause he has a big knife.

Blake: It's retarded. *pause* It could be done better but it's not so it's retarded.
(DON'T LISTEN TO HIM!!!)

Harry: Nightmare Before Christmas. *uhh* It's creepy.

Jeffrey: It's funny.

Amanda: *laugh* It's funny.

Tristan: Invader Zim.
Me: Same guy did it.
Tristan: Nightmare Before Christmas. That's crazy, man.

Anna G: The Orgy website. It's a band.

Maddie: Knives. *laugh* A haunted house.

Kaylin: He's a psychobitch. And he's mine. I like psycho people. Psycho people are funny.

Me (Virginia): GO BUY IT! IT'S AWESOME!!!

Okay. Enough proof for you? Oh, yeah, and FsC is awesome too. Just look up Slave Labor publishing on Google and it'll take you right to their website. They publish Johnny and all of the other books his creator has put out. Awesome awesome awesome. I command thee to run out and get them. Because. Good reasons.

Allright. The subject. We are on really good behavior right now for our substitute in Creative Writing. But we never behave for Ms. Henry (our real teacher). Rachael pointed that out yesterday, I just forgot to mention it in here. Ladialla, you'll hear more from me tomorrow. Definitely. I hope. Unless I somehow get tangled up in a web of deceit and die. Which I hope won't happen. Probably not. Oh god. Now I'm paranoid. Anyway, I'm gonna post some nice Johnny pictures up here maybe. La la la.

love and peace,
Virginia
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Tuesday, December 7, 2004

   The bees...they're everywhere!!!
It's hot. Well, it's not hot. It's warm. Like lukewarm water that's been sitting in the bathtub for an hour that you forgot about. It should not be this temperature in December. But I like the heat, it's just a little disconcerting. o_0 Yeah. My birthday is in six days!!! YESH!!! I AM SOO HAPPY!!! PRESENTS!!! See, I found something out. It's okay to be shallow and only want your birthday to come so you'll get presents, but you can't do that about Christmas because the Jesus Freaks get all upset and are like, " It's Jesus' birthday, you hipocrit." And they are scary. They'll, like, chase you around like a horde of bees and sting the hell out of you. And that sucks. So anyway, I'm having two birthday parties. One for friends, which will be this Friday, and one for family, which will be this Sunday. I'm so excited. I can't wait. I'm inviting Hanna, Hannah, Trois, Alanna, and several others. Hopefully Liz and Alice will come. Katherine can't because she has to babysit. She's all upset about it too, and is ignoring me like it's all my fault. I really don't understand her sometimes. It's like she cares more about going to my party than my feelings. That hurts. Grrr...bleh. There's also a dance coming up at SOA (my school) that I'm not going to. Yes, no one asked me. Even if they had, I probably would've showed up and then just been like," Let's ditch." And go to Andolini's Pizza or something. Best pizza EVER!!! I went there with my dad a lot. *sob* I wish I could still go there with him. Sometimes I just get really really sad about that. My brother and I just got our urns. I love mine. It's really pretty and if I hold it for just two seconds, it gets warm. I think of it as Daddy telling me something. I don't know what, but he is. I'm sorry. I'm getting all sentimental on you. I'll post later. See you peoples sometime ago!!!

love and peace,

Virginia
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Friday, November 19, 2004

   Skipping
I didn't go to school today. I woke up at twelve something this morning and puked all over my bed. It was pretty gross. I kept throwing up all through the night, until about three, when I fell asleep in my mom's bed. She's a RN (registered nurse) and works at the hospital, so she was taking care of me. I'm only allowed to drink water and only allowed to eat bread and soup. It sucks because my stepsister's box of candy is sitting right on the counter and I just want to reach out and-
*looks around*
Oh...kay. I'm not going to eat any because I don't want to get sick again. My mom said the reason I got sick was probably the aspirin I took. I had a headache, so I took some and then my headache went away, but my stomach started hurting. I went to bed anyway, and now this happened. Bleck. Anyway, I'm all better now, except for feeling kinda weak in the whole body. Uhm...so that's what happened. Doesn't it suck? Atleast I'm okay now.

I'm almost finished with the Cowboy Bebop DVD. I have fallen throughly in love with Yoko Kanno and The Seatbelts. What they did with this soundtrack is absolutely breathtaking. I'm obsessed with the song she did, Green Bird. There's a midi on The Otaku, so go check it out. It is, of course, under the music section in Cowboy Bebop. I'm on the 21st episode, by the way. My brother and I stayed up way late last night watching it together. He loves it too. Ohh, Gren is so sexshy!!! Why did he have to die? Why, oh why, couldn't he have lived? But they only inferred that he died. I'm sensing fanfic material here.... *wiggles eyebrows* Actually, I don't know how to wiggle my eyebrows. I can raise them in surprise, arch them for a sarcastic comment, and make them happy if I'm feeling euphoric. But alas, I cannot wiggle them. Same with my ears. I can't move my ears at all. *sigh* Ah, talents. So anyway, I think I'm probably done for today.

Oh yeah. My stepbrother Robert's birthday is in two days. Whoopee! He's only two weeks older than me. He's in the same grade, but he doesn't go to an arts school because frankly he's not talented or open-minded enough to go to my school. I mean, we have like three, four gay teachers and probably some lesbian ones too. We have druggies and everything. Ah, but we love our school. Even if it is in the middle of the ghetto. Yeah, it's my favorite place. If I could, I would probably live there, in the Creative Writing room because we have carpets AND couches AND chairs, unlike other classrooms. Not to mention the computers that have Internet access. ^_^ C'est la vie!!! Vivre is our new verb in French that we're supposed to memorize. Uhm...yeah. Well, I'm going to go now. Love ya, and have a great day. ^_^

PS: Stay away from aspirin.
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Thursday, November 18, 2004

   Days Go By
Okay. I just recently read my little note thingies. Comments or whatever the hell they're called. Meh. Okies. So, Nikorasu, I am going to be turning fifteen but saying that you're older than you actually are gives you more privileges. Ya know? I do it all the time. Pretend you're older on the net and younger when at restuarants and amusement parks. I can pass as twelve because I'm so short. Personally, I don't think I look that young. Maybe twelve-year-olds just look like me. Who knows? Not I, said the Raven. Or was that the crow? Hmm....

Okies. Sooooo...yeah. Go to my site. Now. I command thee to go critique my writing and say how bad all of my prose poems are. Wait...is prose poem the right word? "Che pa!" as my French teacher tells me to say. Mr.P is my French teacher. He's cool. A little...uhm...what's the word? Feminine, but I love him anyway. Il est cool. Maybe? I don't really know that either. I want to be in French Club, for which I gave up guitar to go to. I'm still going to be learning, I just can't go every Tuesday after school. As of now, I'm teaching myself Meet Virginia (my all-time favorite song, as Virginia is my real name) from tabs. It's not that hard, but I absolutely hate how my fingers barely reach the stupid G-chord. That annoys me to DEATH!!!!

Speaking of, I've been borrowing Neil Gaiman's THE SANDMAN series from a classmate of mine, Blake. I'm now reading Fables and Reflections and the story is getting really good. I love Delirium. She's so cool!!! ^_^

Anyways, I should probably go now. I don't think I have anything else to write, plus I have to work on a submission for the Scholastic's contest. Bleck. Hard and extremely annoying forms, but worth it if you win something because it looks good on your college application. I'm only a Freshman, but I still need to work on that.

Burbles and more later!!!
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Wednesday, November 17, 2004

   Asphixiating
Doesn't this smiley look like it's suffocating? Anyway, fits my mood right now. This boy I know, Zach, knows that I like him. Somehow, he found out. I don't know who told him and I only told seven people who I was sure would never tell anyone. I don't know! There's a dance coming up, too!! Of course, it's the weekend of my birthday. If I don't get asked, then I'll just have a little party with my friends who aren't going either. I can't dance and I'm pretty far from a social butterfly, so I have no idea what I'm going to do. What if he asks me!?!!??!?! I've never even been kissed before!!! Oh, god, this sucks!!!

Help me! I'm drowning! I need some AIR!!!

In other news, please be sure to visit my writing site I made just for that purpose. The link is www.freewebs.com/notblackandwhite Very cool site. All of that is my original writing. Except, of course, the quotes, but you know. >_<

Laci let me borrow her Cowboy Bebop DVD box set. I love you Laci!!! And you did a great job at the High School CW Literary/Coffee House Reading. In my opinion, everybody did a great job. Especially me. I didn't start laughing like last time. *heh...heh*

Well, I love you all. Please visit my site and leave a message in the guestbook. I'll love you forever if you do. Kay? ^_^
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Monday, October 4, 2004

   Good Vibes
Yay! I had a really good day today! Kimra and I finally made up, and I got my picture taken by my best friend Aya. Aren't they great? I'll prolly put pics up of them sometime soon. They're really cool. I'll ask Aya if I can link to her website on here. That'd be cool.
My friend Staci is having her birthday party soon. She'll be turning fifteen. Oh, I can't wait until my birthday! It's in about three months. In December, I'll finally be fifteen! I can't wait! I really really really want to be fifteen! I don't know if it's because I'll be able to drive soon after or what, but I've never looked forward to a birthday as much as this one.
Guitar lessons are going good, too. I'm learning Meant To Live, that song by Switchfoot. It's really not that hard, as we're learning with tabs, but it still hurts my fingers if I practice for more than fifteen minutes without a rest. Owies. o_0
LEAF is coming up!!! ^_^ I'm sooo excited! I love LEAF! I can't wait until I can go. I'm going with my three friends: Hanna, Hannah, and Alice. Our other friend Patrick W. is going to be there, but he's not actually going to be going with us, like in the same car. Yeah. I'll tell you all about it when I get back. But I'm not leaving for awhile. Still, I can't help but be all excited about it!!! ^__^
Uhm...let me see. What else is going on? Oh, yeah, I added some more poems to my website. I'm going to update even more tomorrow during Creative Writing. That's my third period and it's before Lunch. I'm always starving to death in there. I need to ask my mom to give me money instead of just checks for lunch. That's probably a good idea. A really good idea. SPACE!!!
~_~ What was that for?
I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know?
It means I don't know.
Freak.
Asshole.
Bitch.
I LOVE YOU!!!
*__*
All right. Okay, so I had on my shirt I got from the Atlanta Zoo today. It has two giant pandas on it and it says GIANT PANDAS on it in big black letters. This kid on my bus, Robert, goes, " Virginia, you have really giant pandas." It was the funniest thing I've ever heard!!! I mean, I actually don't have big boobs, but it was still hilarious of him to say that. Oh my god, that's really funny. I'm laughing just thinking about it! Well, I'll write more later. Burbles! ^_^
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