Friday, December 10, 2004

   Je suis folle, mehbeh.
Got caught cheating on a science project. One of my friends, Cordell, gave me a copy of his and I turned it in, just with my name on it. I know, I'm pretty stupid in that aspect but don't get too mad at me. I got a 58% on it, so I learned my lesson. The only reason I cheated in the first place was because I didn't have the project at all. Oh well. Gone and done with, I'm probably going to fail that class anyway. Speaking of, exams are coming up. **scream** I don't know what I'm going to do. I mean, I've been studying on and off and everything, but you know how these things are. This is the first year I've ever taken exams! What if I fail!?! That means I fail for the entire semester! I already have a bad enough grade in that class. I should get a professional tutor instead of just going to the National Honor Society people. Ah, well, what am I supposed to do? Eeeeeekkkk!!!

Did you know that down here some people are selling chocolate covered cockroaches as St. Christmakwanzaka presents. I think I just made up that word. Oh, I left out the Wiccan/Pagan holiday. Gotta have respect for the heathens too! *-^ Just kidding. You know I love you all equally. Seriously, if god really loved me, why would he send me to hell? **sigh** Sooooo...yeah.

MY BIRTHDAY IS IN THREE DAYS!!! WHOOPHEE!!!! I'm having a small party for my friends today. It's a sleepover. People coming are: Hanna, Hannah, Alanna, Alisa, Katherine, and Victoria. I'm so happy! Oh, and Hanna got the Johnny the Homicidal Maniac director's cut edition. I'm so happy for her! She'll probably let me read it at my party. We're going to Andolini's Pizza (the downtown one; I went with my dad there a lot, so it'll be sort of like he's there with me even though he can't be) and then to Marion Square to go ice-skating. It's going to be so much fun. But Katherine will be arriving at my house after we do all that. I'm not going to go on too much because I don't want to make her feel bad, you know? Yeah, of course you know. Seems like everybody knows except me.

This makes me sad. This December 13 will be the first birthday I've ever spent without my dad. I mean, sometimes he might've had to go play a gig (he was a saxophone player; gig means a job, for those of you not up with the musician jargon), but he was always, you know, here. As in, on this earth. But he's not anymore. I mean, I have an urn with his ashes in it and everything but, he's not here. Am I getting this right? I don't know. I always sound confused when I'm crying. I just hope I don't break down in front of my friends. I remember, in May when I told them that he'd died, that most of my friends started crying, and I just had to sit there with dry eyes because I had cried so much last night that my eyes hurt. Rachael even let me read her journal. It had this excellent entry about how good people were always the ones who died and that she felt so horrible for me and everything. Is it wrong that her words made me feel better? I don't know. Am I crazy for telling you random people that I don't know all of this stuff about my life? Do you even care? I don't know, I don't know, I DON'T KNOW!!!

Well, I'm all written out right now. Please remember to visit my site www.freewebs.com/notblackandwhite to see my writings and sign the guestbook and stuff.
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