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December 24, 2007 ~ For 12/25
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__FictionPress: saekimidori
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__Anime Kichigai
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Hello all.
Sorry I haven't visited your sites for awhile. I was disconnected from the internet for a long while and then I came back for a post. But I think hardly anyone read the post that day so it probably looks like I've been gone for an even longer time.
Well, the thing is, a few days after that post, my brother and I got into another ridiculous argument and he went and disconnected me again. Seriously, it's so [insert word] of him to do that to threaten me. (Honestly, it's just so ridiculous that I still haven't thought of the word to describe it.) It's so infuriating! I mean, I'm not really that angry that I'm getting disconnected. It's just... "uber ridiculous" that he thinks disconnecting me from the internet will make me react. Seriously, screw him. He can burn in freaking hell. Have his whole life shoved up his ass.
Apologies. I don't know what I'm saying. It's just really that infuriating.
After that, I thought a lot about things. I was thinking of taking the airplane by myself and go to live with my father in China. But can a 16-year-old do that? So I asked my mom and stuff, and she thought it was strange of me to ask. She thought it was because I miss my father just that much. But it's because I don't want to see my brother's face anymore.
And since I probably couldn't do that, I thought another option would be to run away from home. Even if I have nowhere to go. I'll find a decent enough place to sleep. Or I can wander around during the day and rest at the bench at our porch, but never return home. No one in this family understands me, and they don't even try to. I don't have a lot of friends, but the one who I thought was closest to me doesn't support me. And one who I thought was the only one who could help me and keep me "stable" no longer does. What I mean is, I feel like I'm losing everything.
To be honest, I think the reason why I don't care so much if I said, "I'm definitely getting a job this summer!" but end up not getting one and not really giving any much care at all is because I really don't feel like living anymore. That may not be the best example, but... Let's say: I get a low score on a major exam which affects my future, and I could retake it again. But I don't because I don't care that much.
Well, that's what I think. Some people threaten to harm me and cause me danger, but I tell them, "Go right ahead." I feel like I'm ready to die any time, any day. I can sit around at home all day and called useless, I don't care. I really just don't give a damn anymore. And no one is around to listen.
Well, apologies for this gloomy post. I just felt like putting it out there. People say if one lets things out and tell it to someone else, they'll feel better. But in my case, I really feel no different. But sorry to have come back with depressing things to say. I probably won't be around for another extended period of time. Take care till then.
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Daily Questions:
1) Do I owe anyone any requests? If so, please remind me.
2) Do you have any of the following songs:
Artist - Song Title
Shuji to Akira - kizuna
Megumi Hayashibara - I'll Be There
From Anime
Anime - Song Title [Original Artist]
- Fruits Basket - Serenade Pf. Solo version [Ritsuko Okazaki]
- Hana Yori Dango - Kenka no Ato de [Tomohiko Kikuta]
- Hana Yori Dango - Todoku ka na [CaYOKO]
- Kaleido Star - Yakusoku no Basho e w/ Kaleido Stars [?]
- RahXephon - Hemisphere (instrumental) [Maaya Sakamoto]
- Sister Princess Re Pure endings, all sang by [Ritsuko Okazaki]
- Lyric
- Sugao
- Sweet Dreams
- Sorewa Atashi no Kokoronano
- Reminiscence
- Be Happy, Please!
- Haru no Yorokobi
- Mamoritai Hito Ga Ite
- Issho ni Tabeyo
- Romantic Connection
** If you have any of these songs, please notify me and tell me which one(s) you have. Thank you!
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