Tuesday, October 9, 2007

	411 Name: Kitty. Age: 18. Birthday: January 30th. Currently: Texas Education: G.E.D. Currently Reading: American Psycho Email: [Link] Myspace: [Link] Hobbies: Technology, what few friends I have, Reading, and Dancing. Hates: Alot of shit. Mainly fakes. MSN: Atheist_Kitten@hotmail.com AIM: My Bloodydeath13 & Tehvampirekitty Links Backroom Guestbook Add Message Portfolio King Char-Char [Charles] Randy Music Currently Playing: Ein Lied By: Rammstein Credits Aethereality.net Index Stock.com Hybrid-Genesis.com			Intro February 16th 2008 So I figured I would use an already made layout. I just don't have time right now to make it myself. Other wise I so would have. Plus it's pretty. Anywayz. Please sign my guestbook if you stop by for the first time. Even though I have a few rules. They are below. I don't know how often I will update. I will try for everyday, but considering school and the fact I am actually reading a book, I may not be able too. Have a nice day. Peace. Kitty Rules Sign more than 1 fucking line in my guestbook. Visit me and I will visit you. Don't fuck with me. Last but not least, if you hate me, don't tell me you do. I don't really care if you do. Post *Warning:: Really Long Post Below* CURRENT Day: Oct. 9th Days Left till Halloween: 22 Days Left till Randy gets out: 16 Time typed: Midnight Mood: Lost, Forgotten, Dead, Depressed, Almost drunk. I have let my addictions take over. Given up all hope of ever returning back. Cold, lost and forgotten as I sit in my corner. Shaking from fear and anger. Losing control again. They won't go away. They won't shut up. Reminding me over and over about how I lost you. In this world so cold and dark I cry out. Hoping you will hear me, but you never do. Trapped in a cage. Away from me. Never knowing what is next as I search in the dark. I can't find you. I'm trapped in the darkness that lies within me. The light has left. You have left. Never again to smile upon hearing your voice or hear those three little words. You have lost me. I am forever gone. I don't know what that exactly is above, but that is whats going through my mind. By the way its not you as in you, its you as in Randy. The voices are back. Haunting my every move. Watching me and yelling at me. Telling me I'm not good enough, not pretty enough, and that I am the one that put Randy away. I wish they would stop. Go away forever. But will they ever fully go away? I don't think they will. They are like the memories that haunt my dreams. The blood, the screams, the fights, the words my mother so harshly told me. The images of the blood pouring down and making the pool of blood on the floor. How I use to urge to see that beautiful liquid pour from my veins to the floor. The beautiful liquid that I want to see drip from other people now. The hate that is consuming me as it did my mother. The love that will kill me in the long run as it did to my mother. I fear I am turning into her, the monster I hated for so long. I wonder if this was her plan from the beginning. To make me become her. Maybe she never planned on killing me, just hurting me. I don't really know anymore. But I am becoming her either way. A cold, hateful person that needs others pain to survive. I she her face in the ceiling, watching me. Planning to kill me again and a again. I just wish I could hear his voice, even if its for 5 seconds. I keep replaying the conversations we had together. Reading the things he told me. Crying myself to sleep. Drinking non-stop because its the only way to numb the feeling of loneliness. Smoking a pack sometimes even two a day. Telling myself 'He'll be back soon' and the dying. I miss him so much I cant eat anymore. Getting Paler and Skinner. Having to wear make-up to hid the black circles from lacking sleep. Holding in Yawns. How I miss him so much. I am getting sick and tired of having to always fake my happiness. I am happy when I talk to a few people because they help me remember I'm not completely alone [Char-char is the most important]. But all I can do is wait. I'm going to shut up now. And finish the rest of my Whiskey. Peace people Kitty Designed by Aethereality.net

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