Thursday, October 27, 2005

Time To Waste- Alkaline Trio


I dont feel like I have much to say. Problems still around... I still have my headaches... I don't want to say I can't wait until I leave.. but I feel I'm only a problem here. I serve no real purpose here.
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Thursday, October 20, 2005

   Funeral Song
I couldn't fall asleep last night until after 6am. I just felt too awake to even try to sleep. I was wondering if I should justskip out on sleep all together.. but I decided to just wait until I fell asleep, which incurred alot of down-time thinking. Trying to think while in a depressed state of mind is like asking for life's pain to be rubbed in your face, and yet we all seem to do it anyway. Though if we go on ignoring every troublesome event in life, we're ignorant.... but at any rate, though I can't trust every thought I had last night, realizations you make while depressed can be true enough. The psycology of how and why the mind reacts and works in the way it does is something we'll never fully comprehend, which, while it's depressing to not know how to help people, is necessary since if we did.. we would be able play "Miniature God", where we could give people what they needed, as opposed to them receiving their needs from God. We can be used by God to be the help for someone, but it's not by our power that we do anything. We are empowered to help, and some are more gifted than others. But at any rate, that really didnt have much to do with what I was talking about, I kinda started rambling on a thought. I'm feeling sad... I want to feel loved.
This post is a bit sappier than I normaly am, and for that I apologize..
-Brian (6:15pm)
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Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Sad Statue
oh, I have such a headache. I'm trying to post more often than I normally do, but you know, there are just some days when there is nothing to say. Anyway, I know my last post was very entertaining, with the music and all.. but sorry, I got nothin this time, not even a nice little picture to lok at.

I'm thinking about changing the look of my syt, though I have yet to find the background that appeals to me, but I want my syt to look darker. I like the way it looks now.. but I just feel darker than the way my syt looks.. I'd say the way it looks now how I normally feel.. but I feel dark then the way it is right now.

In other news, my best friend is extactic about going to get a laptop for his birthday, which is really what he needs cuz the computer he has to use right now sucks. However, he'll still have to worry about his internet connection, cuz the one he has now isnt all that great neither. The best internet service he'd get with his laptop as of now would be at either my house or Grace's (we both have wireless routers set up).

Again in other news, Katelyn hurt her knee in soccer in their last game (she had surgery last year for her knee, and had nursed it and was training for so long, just to be able to play soccer this year) and she fears she might be out now. Of course, I and everyone who reads this will pray that she will not be out of soccer and for her knee's full recovery. And anyone who reads this and feels no sympathy for her will answer to my dark fury (which, believe me, is both dark, and furious... picture say, oblivion, as best your mind could imagine it, and then picture it seven fold).

Well, I feel another attempt to fall asleep creeping up on me (I've slept like crap lately, whereas I can't fall asleep, or when I do, I keep waking up) and I want to go to sleep, so I go now.

Later, Brian (2:07 am)
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Tuesday, October 11, 2005

"Save Me"- Shinedown


I felt a need to post.. nothing I really need to talk about, but I'll ramble on as I see fit and/or until I decide I'm tired and will go to bed.

Let's pick a topic: MUSIC- I'm going to list every artist name from my iPOD
-3 Doors Down (awesome)
-311
-AFI (yeah)
-AC/DC
-Adam Sandler
-Alkaline Trio (awesome)
-Alter Bridge (yeah)
-A Perfect Circle
-The Ataris
-Atomship
-Audioslave (awesome)
-Avenged Sevenfold (awesome)
-Avril Lavigne (yeah)
-Beastie Boys
-Ben Moody
-Blink 182 (awesome)
-Bloodhound Gang
-Blur
-Bowling For Soup (yeah)
-Boxcar Racer (yeah)
-The Bravery
-Breaking Benhjamin
-Britney Spears featuring Usher (weird remix thingy b/t "toxic" and "yeah")
-Chevelle (awesome)
-Chronic Future
-Coheed & Cambria (AWESOME!)
-Cold
-Damage Plan
-The Darkness
-Dead Celebrity Status
-Die Trying
-Disturbed (awesome)
-Dream Theater
-Dropkick Murphy's
-Drowning Pool
-The Eagles
-Edgewater
-Eminem
-Enrique Iglesias (you goto have sum spanish dance music, right?)
-Evanescence (awesome)
-Finger Eleven (AWESOME)
-Foo Fighters
-Gorillaz (awesome)
-Green Day (yeah)
-Guns n Roses
-Hatebreed (i dont really like em)
-Hawthorne Heights (awesome)
-The Hives (the guy's annoying)
-Hoobastank
-JZ&LP (ni-i-i-i-ce)
-Jet
-Jimmy Eat World
-Kid Rock
-The Killers
-KoRn (AWESOME!!)
-Limp Bizkit
-Linkin Park (AWESOME!)
-Lost Prophets (yeah)
-Ludacris
-Maroon 5
-Modest Mouse
-MTV's Head Banger's Ball2- (Slipnot/KoRn/Killswitch Engage/Megadeth/Atreyu/Drowning Pool/A Perfect Circle/Shadows Fall/Machine Head/Superjoint Ritual/Kittie/HIM/Avenged Sevenfold/Lamb of God/Soulfly/Black Label Society/Damageplan/In Flames/Fear Factory/Probot)
-Muse (yeah)
-My Chemical Romance (AWESOME!!)
-Nickelback
-Nirvana (revolutionary)
-Nubuo Uematsu (phenominal music composer who did TONS of music from the Fnal Fantasy games)
-The Offspring
-Our Lady Peace (AWESOME)
-Outkast
-Papa Roach
-POD
-Puddle of Mudd
-Queens of the Stoneage
-Rage Against the Machine (AWESOME)
-Rammstein (awesome)
-The Rasmus
-Red Hot Chili Peppers
-Ricky Martin (more spanish dance music)
-Rob Zombie (yeah)
-Rolling Stones (paint it black)
-Seether (awesome)
-Seven Wiser
-Slipnot (awesome!)
-Smile Empty Soul
-Soundgarden
-Staind (awesome!)
-Story of the Year (yeah)
-Strata (yeah)
-Straylight Run (awesome)
-Submerged
-Sum41
-Switchfoot (yeah)
-System of a Down (AWESOME!)
-Three Days Grace (yeah)
-The Used
-Utada Hikaru (sang theme song from Kingdom Hearts)
-Velvet Revolver (most "v"s I recall ever seeing in a band name)
-White Zombie (More Human Than Human)
-Z Trip (DJ)
==================================
wow, that was fun, and time consuming.

hmm.. well, hope you have fun reading up on what i listen to.
-Brian (3:02 am)
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"Therapy"- Finger Eleven

Wide awakened out of spinning
Round the safest orbit
You controlled the ordinary
I was grateful for it
Wide awake in the beginning
Trembling after the fall
Only half my world remembers
While the other half revolves

Cut off cause I can’t remember
A face that could cut me deeper
But hearts could never leave me bleeding
Becoming the cause and burden
The lesson begins unlearning
And it has never been forgiving my dear

It’s all too familiar
I’ve been here before
I’ll carry this weight for your smallest reward
Because I’ll continue to break down the door
Just let me in I swear
It will not be like before

Can’t think of what to say
I can’t think of what to do
I just think I might be losing my mind
Can’t stop this agony
Cancel my therapy cause
I just thought of you
and now I feel fine

Collecting the strangest conscience
Apathy returns it’s offense
But only after I get moving
Relax and being the change
In time for the newest age
To help me find out what I’m missing in here

It’s all too familiar
I’ve been here before
I’ll carry this weight for your smallest reward
Because I’ll continue to break down the door
Just let me in I swear
It will not be like before

Can’t think of what to say
I can’t think of what to do
I just think I might be losing my mind
Can’t stop this agony
Cancel my therapy cause
I just thought of you
and now I feel fine

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Sunday, October 9, 2005

"Lost Realist"- Trapt


I'm not very dedicated to submitting posts, sorry. I've a rather slow pace.. anyway, I never really have much to say.

I like that pic of Squall and Rinoa, I've always loved the Final Fantasy games..

Hmmm... I wish my scanner worked.. I have pictures I draw, but cant post anywhere cuz i cant scan..

I'll have more to say about something later.. but not right now, too tired (2:29 am), so long and good night.
-Brian
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Thursday, September 29, 2005

Apocolypse Please- Muse
Days go by and I grow more tired. Does anyone else know what it feels like to know you have only so much time left, yet its only dead-time and nothing worth remembering happens? Nothing worth smiling about? Maybe its just me. I'll talk more later.
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Friday, September 23, 2005

   Welcome Home- Coheed & Cambria
Right, its been over a month since I last posted.. Im lazy.

Not much to say, so I'll start with reports: 1) My date of leaving for the air force is in the middle of march, which means I'll be in basic on my birthday (april 2) which I guess isnt that big a deal... i'll probly be depressed that day cuz im always depressed on my b-day, but whatever. 2) My time for working at the golf course ends at the end of next week, which means I need to find a new local job. I dont need alot of hours, just an income to keep my bank account alive until the air force takes me away 3) there isnt anything else really except that I cant hang out with any of my friends and Im really beginning to go crazy about it.

In other issues.. I'm also going crazy over the fact that even though Im not leaving until march (it was probable that i was going to leave in october), nothing is happenening thats making me happy that im still here, cuz if the months keep going by like they are now.. im gunna die. everyday ends with me feeling remorseful of the events of the day, and i just wish that something so overwhelmingly good would happen that could slow down my insanity.
::sigh:: well, enough rambling on me leaving.. if you couldnt tell, i kept bringing it up in just about everything i talked about, and its been on my mind lately.. speak sum peace to me if u have any, later..

I know it has nothing to do with my subject, but "the greyest of blue skies" is a nice cd title, no? i love that cd
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Sunday, August 21, 2005

   Open Your Eyes- Staind
heres a quick little story:

August 21 11:35 pm..
I sign offline and go out on my back porch to look at the sky.. I like looking at the night sky, but I was disappointed with the view my back porch had to offer, so I left my back porch and went out to the front of my house, but found that was not better. So I walked down to the end of my street, and decided to forget about the moon and take a walk cuz i needed to do some thinking. I didnt have a particular goal in mind, but I just wanted to keep walking. I found myself following the street lights.. I mean, I know that their everywhere, but I would pick one and walk towards it until i picked another... so anyway, in doing leads me out to where a local golf course keeps all of theri golf carts, and I noted that after that spot, the road had no mroe lights.. so I took a cut through an apartment compounds parking lot.. only to find they thought it would be cool to put a fence in the middle. Once I reached the top of the fence, I realized they had designed the top especially to keep people from what I was doing.. in doing so, they had cut all of the metal pieces and left large jagged edges sticking up. Well screw them and their stupid fences, I wanted over. After only receiving 8 small cuts ( 3 on my right hand, 2 on my right wrist, 1 on my left wrist, and 2 on my left foot (i was barefoot)), and I also managed to rip one my my wristbands... its not broke, but close. So i got to where I wanted to be and started for home. I reached the homestreach for my road to find a clear view of the moon, which was cool i guess.the walk itself only took about an hour
thats the story, now for 2 things that happened during it:

1- I was on a long stretch of street early on in the walk, so i took the time to run (something i dont really get to do).. and i wanted to see just how fast i can run (its really fast), so i built up my momentum and let loose, and i eventually wasnt able to see too well cuz my head could get things into focus before i moved again, my stride was too quick.. i dont know how fast i was, but i know that several years ago, my top speed was over 20 mph.. so i dont know exactly how fast i was going.. but i think i covered more than a football fields length in a remotely short amount of time...
2- I hadnt realized it until it was too late, but i walked by a graveyard... i hate things related to the dead.. ive purposely not watched crazy zombie movies could it would torment me.. though ive seen sleepy hollow, thats different.. but i didnt like going past it.. creepy..

thats about it.. sorry, i just wanted to write it down before i forgot

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Saturday, August 20, 2005

Niki FM- Hawthorne Heights
Hm, I think I'm due for another post.

I'll start by saying im better than last post i made.. things cleared up sum in my head, and im doing better i guess.

2 cool things happen(ed) as of recently: 1) August 19 was kate's(loudmusicrocks15)16th birthday.. and 2) my friend gets home from workiong at camp all summer today! my friend danny (linkpark25)has worked all summer, and only gets 9 days off until he starts college, that sucks so much, me and him havent gotten to talk or hang out in forever, but i have sum good news 4 when i do get to talk to him.. but on the off chance that he reads this b4 i get to talk to him, i wont tell you guys what it is yet :)

i guess thats all for now, ill talk to yall later..
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