Birthday • 1989-12-18 Gender •
Female Location • West Virginia Member Since • 2005-02-05 Occupation • Student Real Name • You Don't Need To Know
Personal
Achievements • Who Gives A Shit? Anime Fan Since • 1993 Favorite Anime • Yu Yu Hakusho, Yu-Gi-Oh, Beyblade, Gundam Seed, Gundam Wing/AC, Wolf's Rain, X/1999, Vampire Hunter D, Trigun, Saiyuki, Rurouni Kenshin, Inuyasha, Full Metal Alchemist, D N Angel, and Chobits. Goals • Nothing really Hobbies • Writing poems/stoires, playing the keyboard, singing. Talents • Look above!
myOtaku.com: TwistedNightmare
Friday, May 16, 2008
Whatever you make of it
Once more, I find myself thrown into a never ending void of limitless nothing. (sigh) Wonderful, isn’t it. Life, for the most part, isn’t striking me as the most fabulous thing at the moment…. I can hardly find a reason to get up in the morning. I hate every moment…. All of it….. Friends. Family. Everything. It’s all so annoying, so hazardous in a way, always crashing down around me and when I go stumbling and when I look up there is never anyone there to lend me a helping hand, to get me back on my feet.
I never expected much, not really. Never really wanted anything either. Never asked for anything, truthfully…. (sigh) I’m just so tired now days. I can’t stomach anything anymore and everybody is getting on my case… Do this. Do that. Act this way. Fake it and just go along.
I just to rip my hair out and scream at the top of my lungs….. The sad part is, no one can see me drowning. Not even my closest friend, whom I’ve entrusted everything to…. No one is seeing me falling apart. Then again, I don’t broadcast it for everyone to know. You have to really know me and be able to nit-pick between all of my different masks in order to see the real me but it really isn’t that hard. Not hard at all. Hell, just this week, I cried in school for the first time, cried in front of my friends for the first time… What’s that say? It really means that my masks are coming down and they’re coming down hard.
Ehh… You must be sick of me, probably thinking, ”Stupid emo…. All she does is complain about how horrible her life is…… It could be worse.” Yeah, I know that. I also know I seem to go on endlessly about my problems.
Here’s the thing, I’m not so “emo”, I’m just me sick of being weighed down all the time, sick of my life and sick of the people are me. Everybody has those days…. Well, mine just won’t seem to end. It’ll get better, I know that. It’s the whole “hang on for the ride” part that I don’t like. Oh well, life’s hard get a helmet.
Want to know the worse part? My parents are hanging my college over my head every chance they get. When I do something bad, it’s always there as an omniscient black cloud that won’t go away…. And I hate them for it. Like now, for example, my parents are mad at me for some ungodly reason that I don’t even know what it is and now… I have to find a way to finance my own college. I understand that many students finance their own way because they have no choice, and they have the power (will power and determination, that is) to make it…. I don’t. I don’t even have a job. The closest thing I’ve come to a job is babysitting. Like that’s so hard…
Not only that but because my brother went away to college and then came back and now is sitting on his fat ass all day playing WoW and taking up space, they’re treating me as if I will become him. They’re so scared of ”throwing away money” that they barely want to help me pay for college. They always expect me to fail. ME! Fail! How can you be so cruel. I’ve never once proven to you that I will fail. My grades are nice and I haven’t gotten into trouble this year. Clean slate! Right? Wrong! I’m nothing more to them than a burden and they fear I won’t succeed. The thing that hurts the most is that they seem to pushing for me to fail because then they would be right and I would be wrong. They won’t be seen as the failures and they won’t be labeled as the “bad parents”. Assholes.
You know what, I’m done….. I quit.
In This Desperate Hour
I Call For Your Attention
Just A Moment Of Your Time
To Release All This Tension.
I'll Admit I Need Your Help
And Cannot Fight Alone.
This Heart Is Sore And Broken
That Once Was Made Of Stone.
It's Hard To Fix Myself.
I'm Giving Up On Trying.
I Know This Sounds Absurd
But I Think My Heart Is Dying.
The Pulse Is Slowing Down
And It Seems To Hurt To Breathe
A Task I Took For Granite
And Did With Complete Ease.
I'm Staring Up At You
And I Know You're Staring Back.
Please Return To Me My life
And Strength I Seem To Lack.
You're Quite A Hero To Most
Although You Are Not Seen.
Your Voice Is Speaking Loudest
As If Addressed To Me.
So Here I Stand Before You
Asking For The Chance
To Turn Around What Is Now Gone
Although That Option Passed.
This May Be On Short Notice,
But I Could Use Some Help
To Seize This Pain I'm Feeling
So I Can Save Myself.
I Know You're Very Busy
And I Need To Wait In Line,
But I'm Afraid, Lord
There Isn't That Much Time.
I Just Hope That You'll Listen
As I Have Done For You
And Point The Way To Go For Me
Or At Least Some Elmer's Glue.
For My Heart Has Had Enough
And It's Time To Try To Fix
This Faint Pulse That I Feel
Before The Chance Is Missed.
Thank You For Your Time
I Know It Won't Sound Fair
But All I Ask From You Is Help
And An Answer To This Prayer..
This poem, My Prayer, was written by XXCoRruPtiNg YoU SlOwlYxX. You can find more of her work here at: http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/author.html?id=354680.
I liked the poem… Was reading through some and then came across this… Who would have thought it would describe me so well…
Bye.
Thought of the Day:
Hold on to the ones who are slowly fading, slowing slipping from this world, and hold them tight. They’ll thank you in the end. (I know it’s pathetic advice but work with it and think about it… you’ll understand.)
Word of the Day:gainsay [gayn-SAY, GAYN-say'] (transitive verb)
1. to deny something; to declare false: "After today's events, you cannot gainsay his love for her."
2. to contradict somebody or something; to oppose Origin- Approximately 1325; from Middle English, 'genseyying': contradiction, literally, a saying against ('gain-': against, from Old English 'gegn-,' 'gean-': against + 'sayen': to say, from 'secgan': say).
Quote of the Day: “Some things have to be believed to be seen.” -Ralph Hodgson, on ESP.
