Monday, May 20, 2013

Wendy
Wendy... I love you so much it hurts... I don't know how much longer I can keep this up...
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Sunday, April 14, 2013

Nothing
... Well, I'm still in love with Wendy... I love her more and more everyday... I've never experienced anything so difficult... It kills me to watch her go to bed every night with another man... She is sitting here right now holding his hand... I'm trying to hold back the tears, I really am... I sometimes wonder if I'll ever love anyone like I love her... It scares me... It was never supposed to come to this. It went way further than it ever should have... I'm so madly in love and I cant tell the world how I feel about her... That's all I really want... She saw I was sad and let go of his hand... Or maybe it was a coincidence... Sometimes she tells me that she loves me... Sometimes I really see it... I'm so fucked up over her... I've never felt this way before in my life... No one has ever done this to me before... Words aren't enough to express what I feel for her. She is so great, so beautiful, so incredible, and she deserves someone who will tell her that everyday... She's been saying some things lately... Like how her sister always thought we clicked... And that she thinks maybe I'm the one she would be happy with... Her kids love me and I love those kids... But I'm not ready for kids... But I would do anything for her... But I don't have the money to treat her how she truly deserves to be treated... She has a heart of gold and I've been searching so long for the girl with the heart of gold.... I've been spending alot of nights here at her place, and watching her go to bed with him literally makes me cry... And it comes at such short notice. I fell asleep happy tonight... But then he had to wake me up because apparently my snoring is unbareable and now I'm a wreck again... I can't sleep so I just thought I'd write stuff... I'm gonna break down when they go to bed, I know it, I feel it coming now... Even though they barely do anything in bed, it still hurts worse than anything ever has before... I've never cried so hard over a girl... I don't think I've cried so much in my life... I fucking hate this! But I fucking love her! My head is all over the place... And I don't know if I can get it back together... It's a dark grey world when she's not around... She makes everything better... But fucks everything up too... I'm so lost
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Thursday, September 6, 2012

Now.
alright, it's been a while since I wrote here... lots has changed. so it turns out the girl in my last post was only a phase. I remembered the time but realized later on that there was nothing there. now I'm really fucked... went out with Wendy the other night... had fun, had some drinks... and slipped... I kissed her that night... but she is engaged to one of my best friends.... now how does that work? she has feelings for her and I have feelings for her but neither of us want to admit how strong these feelings really are... but quite frankly, I think I'm in love with her... I've never had so much fun with one person before... it's absolutely insane. everytime I see her I can't help but smile... hell, when I get a txt from her it get a little giddy.... I feel like a school girl. and to make things even crazier her engagement ring doesn't fit anymore... life's funny isn't it?
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Thursday, April 5, 2012

I'm in love...
I saw an old girlfriend tonight... and monday night... haven't seen her in over 2 years... I know I was an ass last time I saw her... and for that I apologize... She's so great... Seeing her on monday brought back all of those feelings... I wonder if she feels the same... She's matured alot... or on the surface anyway... I can still see right through her... I think I'm in love with her...
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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Oh yeah...
I didn't fuck Shawna because of you... Thanks alot... it was a sure thing and I liked her... you told me how to live my life and now you're pissed at me for giving you honest good healthy opinions and you think I'm telling you how to live you life?
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Really?
I gave everything to make you happy Cyn! and now you can't take five minutes to comfort me... I know it's the same thing I wrote about last time... but this time I'm serious... I have been searching all night... and I haven't found a reason to even keep you in my phone.... other than the money you owe me... You used to like my ideas and suggestions... but lately you've been getting alot more irritated with me... and I don't know why.... So I guess this is good bye...

Initial depression + No girlfriend + Job loss + Loss of best friend.... Rock Bottom? I feel life is coming to an end... I've never felt this shitty before

"I can't remember a day when life was at it's best"
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