Wednesday, May 30, 2007

I shed a single tear today...
...I'm sorry my dear. It was all wrong, all of it, never once did it feel right... holding hands... for couples... skipping classes to see you? I've never had a friend like that... I hope to god we can still be friends, I hope to god you will still WANT to be my friend. I love you and I always will... This hurts so much... I don't know what to say... I wish the words would come out but there hasn't been many words invented for what I am feeling... Heart broken... love hurt... this really doesn't make sense to me and it never did... I was serious this time... No more, I swear... the way you left my house today... that hurt too... it all hurts... it always does... I'm sorry... I still love you and it feels like it will never stop, but I can at least halt it for a while.... maybe to find someone else to keep my mind off of you... I'm burning up... I feel a fever coming on and a little fucked up.... stomach, head, chest, throat.... all in physical pain... thoughts rearranged, feelings jumbled... Confused to fuck... Thank you for everything... now that I think about it..... it was your fault... what the hell am I saying? I can't pin blame on others... this was my own fault I brought it upon myself.... it doesn't matter about all those things you said.... I'm just not ready... as I type this, I can still smell your sweet scent on me, the insistant, overpowering scent which I loved, adored... Play a video game with me, play piano with me, talk to me, just stay away from me.... That must sound harsh... I'm sorry.... I apologize too much, I got the habit from you.... you got mine too though... I am trying to smile for you... I can't, it hurts... I wish you were here... I'm done... I feel more tears coming.... but I won't let them out.... my body keeps that on preference setting... it knows not to let me cry even if I want to. You will find someone else like me one day and I will find someone else just like you, we will probably forget about each other when we go to school after high school... but then again I am a complete pessimist... I don't ever want to forget you... you're the only good thing taht ever happened to me... If you stay friends with me I will be the happiest man in the world, please just do that one thing for me... I wish you the best of luck... maybe he'll start talking to you again.... maybe she'll start talking to me again.... maybe not.... probably not... I will still protect you... please don't resort to whatever it may be.... you hid from me today.... unless you really didn't care about what I said.... you hid and left.... and now I am scared of what you're gonna do... makers me want to cry more.... but I can't.... I need a drink.... but I won't have one, not tonight, not tomorrow... not for a while... probably when... we'll see... I'll love you forever.... good bye.... thank you again for everything...
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Friday, May 25, 2007

Back from track
I'm back from track at the U of M, I walked..... that was pretty cool, took me about 2 hours but I stopped in at a bunch of stores, so yeah, that was pretty cool
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Saturday, May 19, 2007

I don't know
I don't know how to feel anymore, so many weird emotions passing by all at the same time... scared, confused, happy as all fuck.... jealous? why? I shouldn't be that doesn't make any sense... fucking drunken ass dudes, fucking trying to get with the first thing that they see walking... especially when they aren't used to happy bubbly people.... when they see one they automatically think they are drunk.... be careful please...
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Wednesday, May 16, 2007

*BEEEEEP*
It's wrong, it's all wrong, or so I say... do you say? say you said, would that say that I had said? say I never said, would you have said? why not? time's up, gone, over now, done, we lose, they win, right? what do you say? say nothing...


Say Nothing...

I love the air, the earth I walk on and mostly, you, not anything about you, just you... say something...
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Saturday, May 12, 2007

Waterfall Of Blood
Why must man risk his life for such petty things?

I bid farewell to those I love and set out on my journey
not what I imagined but now I have no choice
It's all up to the big guy now, I hope he doesn't let me down
in this matter I had no say, I didn't have a voice

Now my blood is spilled
Into the soil
Destiny fulfilled
In this turmoil
Gone forever now
My loss of love
I'll never come back
Waterfall of blood...

I am still alive with nothing left inside of me
I look around and suddenly, I spot the enemy
Not an ounce of hope left in my entire body
I smell the air, I taste the blood, nothing but a killing spree

Now my blood is spilled
Into the soil
Destiny fulfilled
In this turmoil
Gone forever now
My loss of love
I'll never come back
Waterfall of blood...

no turning back, I look back now and think of home and family
I miss you mom, I hate you dad, I'm filled with misery
My loss of love, Filled with regrets, can't start to repent now
Just one more kiss of this sweet copper bullet, I'll see you around

Now my blood is spilled
Into the soil
Destiny fulfilled
In this turmoil
Gone forever now
My loss of love
I'll never come back
Waterfall of blood...
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Friday, May 11, 2007

2 days left
I guess my last post got deleted, oh well.... I guess I'll say everything again.... yesterday in school, I wanted to cry cuz I missed you so much but being the arrogant son of a bitch that I am, I didn't... I feel the need to uphold a "tough guy" image I guess... before that I was thinking and I didn't think I missed you but maybe that is me just being "numb" I don't know, but then tonight at winona's party, I started thinking of you again... looked at the sky wondering if you were looking at the same sky and thinking of me.... I sat there for the whole party nearly doing nothing but thinking of you.... I walked out and katelyn was acting really weird so I sat next to her and she freaked out and left..... then I started crying... and I don't know why... Nadia is the biggest bitch in the world, sorry to say, but it's true.... me and brett were throwing marshmallows at each other and catching them in our mouths... he's over now playing guitar hero... I wish I could see you... marc and winona might hook up, they were really cuddly today and "comfortable".... but yeah, I should go, have fun on the rest of yur trip...

P.S. What time you guys gettin' back on sunday?
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Wednesday, May 9, 2007

I got it
I just need to find something to entertain myself! after tomorrow taht'll be easy! during each and every class I sit there and stare blankly into nothingness as I think of you and I keep wondering how you are, but now I have been doing other things, played hockey in class today, I was the goalie and my defense SUCKED! lol, except on my last team where the teacher played with me and he knows how hockey works so I got scored on only once that game... as long as the defense is good I will be fine.

Note - DevilDriver - Devildriver (Self titled CD) only if it works out to less than 25 dollars canadian, thanks!
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day 2
Dremt about you last night, we just hung out, and I wanted to dream more so I went back to sleep and ended up being late for school, lol. it doesn't feel like I miss you but I am acting really strange, I think I really do miss you but somehting is telling me not to show it... I hope you guys have fun out there anyway...

Something else was brought to my attention this morning when I was just thinking... our fights always end up turning out ok, we apologize and make up the next day, right? but what if one day we fight and never end up making up? it will be just like those other friend's I've lost... I suppose if we're truely meant to be friends we will stay friends forever and we will make up for everything and be forgiving and forgive everything the other one does... Just hoping you're happy...
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Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Infected
Now here I go,
Hope I don't break down,
I won't take anything, I don't need anything,
Don't want to exist, I can't persist,
Please stop before I do it again,
Just talk about nothing, let's talk about nothing,
Let's talk about no one, please talk about no one, someone, anyone

You and me have a disease,
You affect me, you infect me,
I'm afflicted, you're addicted,
You and me, you and me

I'm on the edge,
Get against the wall,
I'm so distracted,
I love to strike you,
Here's my confession,
You learned your lesson,
Stop me before I do it again

You're clear - as a heavy lead curtain want to drill you - like an ocean,
We can work it out, I've been running out, now I'm running out

Don't be mad about it baby,
You and me, you and me,
I want to tie you, crucify you,
Kneel before you, revile your body,
You and me, we're made in heaven,
I want to take you, I want to break you,
Supplicate you, are incurable,
I want to bathe you in holy water I want to kill you,
Upon the alter, you and me, you and me
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Gone
Gone for 5 days starting today, missed before you left. haha, this is gonna be in interesting week, but seeing as I am in detention now I cannot type for long, so cya later...
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