Thursday, April 5, 2007

I have a feeling
Every hour... Every minute.... Every second... it hurts more and more, as each blow hits me in exactly the same spot, one after another, bombshell after bombshell... and it hurts so bad... I wish you knew exactly what it was I was feeling.... sorrow? hate? anger? envy? who knows? who cares? what does it matter? I have a feeling.... I don't know why.... a gut instict that everything is gonna be alright... sure I CAN live without you but I don't want to... but this feeling is so insistant... you are gonna be fine, as will I. I hope everything turns out fine... Don't ever leave me... Never!
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Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Note To Self
"One blow after another, each one striking deeper and deeper into my chest until you hit my heart so hard that you kill me..."
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I'm better...
...I cried it all out.... I am fine now...
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IT'S ALL MY FUCKING FAULT!!!
IF I NEVER WANTED YOU TO DO ANY OF THAT, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE AND NOW IT'S TOO LATE, I FUCKED BOTH ME AND YOU OVER, YOU ARE GONNA BE GONE AND I AM GONNA BE HERE WITH NOTHING AND NO ONE!!! FUCK ALL THIS! FUCK LIFE IS GONNA GET SO FUCKED UP IF YOU LEAVE!!! I HATE ALL THIS SHIT! I HATE THE FUCKIGN FUCKERS WHO PUT ALL THIS UP! I HATE MYSELF AND I WANT TO JUST FUCKING CRY BUT I CAN'T AND IT PHYSICALLY HURTS ME HOLDING ALL THIS IN! I MEAN, I AM LITERALLY GONNA HAVE SOME SORT OF FUCKING ATTACK IN MY CHEST OR SOMETHING AND I WILL FUCKING DIE IF YOU LEAVE! IF YOU DO, YOU SERIOUSLY HAVE NO CLUE HOW MUCH I AM GONNA FUCKING MISS YOU... I AM SO MAD AND SO SAD RIGHT NOW AND I WANT TO FUCKING KILL SOMEONE!!! I can't even think straight... I lvoe you and I won't be able to live without you... waking up to your smile.... hearing your voice over the phone..... listening to your jokes... I guess that's it..... if he says yes, you're gone.... and I will be here alone...
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I don't know
It's all my fault and I know it and you know it... If it weren't for me none of that would have happened. I have never been this scared in my life... ever... losing the one thing in life that actually matters to me... Whatever...
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Saturday, March 31, 2007

FUCK YOU
Look, I may be overreacting a little, and yes, I know I give a ton of reason to believe it... but me and rachael are NOT dating. Mikey.... Marc.... My family.... Random fuck heads at school. whatever.... as soon as I want to fucking hang out with a girl, it makes her my fucking girlfriend? fuck no. I was at a fucking family thing today and I left because my aprents were being fuck heads. not to mention the fact that no matter what I do I get in trouble as soon as my sister says so. I know I sound immature and petty, but it's fucking retarded "mommy, mommy, Aaron hit me OWWWWWW" ..." Aaron! WTF!!!" get it? I told a story today about me and rachael or w.e. my mom starts going ohhhh is she your girlfriend? whatever, first few times it doesn't bother me.... but when she starts saying stuff like "oh, admit it, she's your girlfriend" then it starts to get on my nerves.... but I bite my lip and laugh and tell her the truth... no she isn't.... she asks how much does she weigh? none of your fucking business! but just so you know, she guessed 115.... exactly what I would guess, right? well.... now you called and I lost my train of thought... and now you hung up.... fun :P. w.e I suppose I overreacted.... whatever... we aren't dating.... I just want people to know that.... me and her are friends and nothing more... whatever, cya
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Thursday, March 29, 2007

Stuff
Last night erica had a party... pizza, video games... her new boyfriend is a cool guy, though I still don't trust him any further than I could throw him.... I hope she's careful...

Gonna see a movie tonight with mike and marc... mike has been acting like a bit of an ass lately... well I suppose he always has been kinda bitchy like that...

Rachael is pretty down about a few different things though she won't tell me. I hope she isn't mad at me this time... I know a few of the reasons. Just really hoping she isn't mad at me...

I forgot my mom's borthday yesterday.... I went out and got her choclate cuz I felt bad and was ognna get her some nice earrings but apparently I don't have enough money left...

I got a cd yesterday.... Johnny Cash in Folsom Prison. it is a good album. I also got a shirt. a jean shirt. Hope everyone likes it.

people seem to lose things too easily.... jobs, family, posessions... Important things. I hate the feeling of losing things. I am close to losing my job I think, I been working 1 shift a week for the past month... it's been relaxing. I wonder if I have to work tomorrow.... I kind of hope so... I need money, I have none left for my Tama Iron Cobra double bass pedal which will cost me close to 400 bucks after taxes...

Regretted? no? you sure? no... sorry... shouldn't have.... shouldn't be.... hope it isn't me... my parents found it.... found what? you know... ohhhh.... dammit. o well.... what are they gonna do? call you names? who cares? I don't... we don't.... drop it.... I win. say what you want.... I am done here... stop talking about me like that please... I don't care if you're joking... okay.... sorry... bye

There, I haven't posted in like 4 days.... so here is a nice long post ;)

Note to self:
K - 15/2/07
M - 17/2/07 (last drink too [meaning more than 1 drink])
S - 28/3/07
W - ?30/3/07? (I hope so... [work stuff])(nope)
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Saturday, March 24, 2007

Stop it
...just stop, stop tlaking about yourself like that, stop talking about me the way you do, stop talking about us the way everyone else does... who cares what they think? we know the truth, right? they don't drop it. stop saying stuff like that about me. whatever... it doesn't matter. burger king makes me sick... you do too sometimes. whatever, I don't know what to say... let me think here... yeah, just stop it. you're only lying to yourself y'know.

I hung out with James yesterday, he brought his friend, Susan. We later went to travis's place and hung out there for a while, carly stopped by and it was good fun. After everyone left, me and travis started playing yu-gi-oh cards... lmfao, I might go over there again and play some more. :P it's good fun.

Gotta work today. took a shift today, didn't work last night again.... and I am working again tomorrow.

Yesterday at school my band played a show. I screwed up a ton lol, the first song, the hi hat was positioned all wrong for me, it was in front where as I usually play with it to the side. lol, they loved the band but I heard people yelling out "Aaron Welby SUCKS!!!" and I said thanks and laughed, lmfao!

that's about all, cya guys. let's do it again soon.
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Thursday, March 22, 2007

New stuff
lawl, I dyed my hair black today and cut off the mullet.... it looks pretty decent.... I disliked the mullet, it was only funny for a while... war child is tomorrow.... I am scared shitless.... literally... I haven't shat in 2 days, lmao.... hmmmm, what else? gonna hang out with james tomorrow.... not much else.... I guess I am boring lately...

GREG! WE ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING! GET OFF OF MY CASE! checking for marks? I mean come on.... it's me!!! who would put a mark on me... LAWL!

there was supposed to be a jam today but our guitarist didn't show up.... no biggy... w.e.

now I am just scratching the bottom of the barrel for ideas and stuff to talk about.... I'm out, cya guys
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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Same old, Same old...
band practice today.... no singer.... went kinda well, was good drumming today.... yeah sidetracked and stuff. fun.

Missing you a little more as each minuite goes by... you're at work right now, though I wish I could see you... not dependant... just enjoy the company. you been acting weird lately.... moreso than usualy.... maybe it's just me again. yeah, I have nothing else to say...
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