Monday, March 19, 2007

Concert last night
I saw Black Sabbath with Megadeth and Down. it was pretty rockin'.... I was right up in there for down and megadeth but went to the back and had a beer for sabbath. sabbath was with dio on this tour. and Dave Mustaine is a fucking legend! lmfao!

ok anyway, rachael said at erica's next party I should bring a "boyfriend". so I met one of travis's friends, james. he said he'll do it just cuz he loves parties lol. so that will be an interesting night! :P
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Saturday, March 17, 2007

I missed you
I woke up this morning and missed you.... a little weird, but I am fine now. about to go to Erica's party.... lol and that's about it today.
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Friday, March 16, 2007

I'm not sorry
I don't have much to say... I'm not sorry... I know you guys care about me and such.... but you should care so much. haha. it's me, I won't fuck up too badly. I amde you mad today obviously, nothing new, I guess it's what I am good at... maybe I can make you cry this time.

Rachael was gonna go to a movie with Josh today, but she told me taht he couldn;t go.... or somehting along those lines... I kinda wish I knew if taht was all it was... she thinks I am lying when I say nothing is wrong.... today I am feeling great. where was I? I forgot, had somehting important to say.... but I am just like that, I forget too often. I really do want her to be happy... doesn't she believe me? oh well... but yeah, I am fine today and not sorry about anything. catcha guys later

oh yeah, audition for the show was today, we almost completely nailed it... I screwed up on 1 roll.... of course I did... it's me, haha... taht just means more practice!!! cya!
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Thursday, March 15, 2007

SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
It's your fault...
what?
your fault
why?
because.... you're a failure!
I'm not
go get drunk again you stupid retard
no!
let's do it, I need a drink
what? why? makes no sense
shut the fuck up fatty, go get drunka nd do whatever the fuck you want... then we can get some drugs and go out and kill him
no, shut the fuck up, I don't wanna kill him!
yes you do you stupid whore
...I do....
see? do it!
no!
fucking failure, can't even kill a man!
fuck you, it's you that made me this way!
she doesn't love you!
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
she hates you
LIAR! YOU FUCKING LIAR!
haha, little baby getting upset?
fuck you. I don't get upset I get even. I kill myself and we btoh go down in history punk.
do it, get drunk and slit your throat or maybe use a gun?
what? why? why do you think of me like this?
because she just does now shut the fuck up about her, let's stir up some trouble!!!
she loves him and you know it!!!
no she doesn't.... she never ahs and never will
isn't it getting tiresome chatting with yourself?
you wish bitch... let's go punk!!!
haha, let's just kill you then, al;cohol, drugs, knives...
I'm scared.
I know, haha, pussy
... she's gonna do it isn't she?
yeah, just to spite you.
will he do soemthing about this all?
nope, it's up to you, get drunk and show them all, do soemthing fun for god sake, you're SOOOO boring.
you amde me like this, FUCK YOU! FUCK OFF! I DON'T FUCKING NEED THIS ANYMORE I HATE YOU I HATE HER, I HATE HIM, I HATE THE WORLD, I HATE IT ALL. NO EXPRESSION, NO EMOTION, NO REMORSE, NO OTHER SHIT!!! WHATEVER YOU MOTHER FUCKER!!! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!! I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!
people will have no clue what the fuck you are tlaking about when they read this...
THINK I GUIVE A FUCK YOU LITTLE VOICE DEEP DOWN INSIDE CALLING YOURSELF ME, ONLY COMING OUT AT KEY TIMES.... COME OUT WHEN I NEED YOU. COME ON, COME OUT NOW, I WANNA KICK THE SHIT OUT OF SOMEONE, MAY AS WELL BE MYSELF, EH? WELL? FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!! FUCK YOU AND THE WORLD!!! FUCK THIS KNIFE, FUCK IT!!! FUCK TAHT GUN, THEY HURT! I WON'T TOUCH THAT KNIFE EVER AGAIN! NEVER.... TOO MUCH BEHIND IT YOU MOTHER FUCKER!!! WHAT TEH FUCK ARE YOU DOING? COME ON!!! SAY SOMEHTING YOU FUCK HEAD!!! BRING IT YOU STUPID BITCH WHORE FUCK..... SEE? SHE STILL TALKS! HE STILL TALKS! THEY STILL TALK! THEY LIKE ME FOR WHO I AM!!!
no they don't loser....
FUCK YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP! I KNOW THEY DON'T BUT IT'S WORTH IT TO BELIEVE IT ISN'T IT? TO JUST BELIEVE TAHT SOMEONE REMOTELY CARES ABOUT YOU? WELL GUESS THE FUCK WHAT? NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU! THEY CARE ABOUT ME! THEY LOVE ME.... THEY FUCKING AHTE YOU!!! I HOPE THE WORLD GOES UP INTO FLAMES AND I AM SENT SOMEWHERE BETTER WHERE AS YOU WILL BE SENT TO HELL YOU FUCKING FUCKER!!! I SWEAR I FUCKING HATE YOU. WE'LL SEE WHO ENDS UP WITH THIS BODY, ME OR YOU, YOU WILL FUCKING DESTROY IT AND I WILL COME OUT IN THE MORNINGS AFTER THOSE RANDOM GIRLS! RIGHT???!!!! I HOPE I FUCKING DIE BEFORE OYU TAKE OVER ME COMPLETELY!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

you rant to much, shut up... we're done here

FUCK YOU!
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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Growing distant
is it just me? or are you really growing more and more distant as of late? It just seems you have been really quiet. is it what we have feared? have you become weird and awkward around me? I don't get it. It's probably healthier not to. hmmm. what else. Ever since I tried to push you away.... and I stopped feeling the same as I did... all my feelings have been fleeing. last night I didn't give a shit about anything. you kinda scared me last night. I suppose that I scare you too sometimes. I used to be able to talk to you for hours... our conversations have become short and dull. it's like we have nothing left to speak of. you've obviously went back into hiding unless you are serious that you forgot.... and if you really did forget, I qould start to question what you have been doing to forget something like that so easily. every song I've written in the past 6 months has either been about you or inspired by you and I know it sounds so stupid but I have no clue why. I am trying, I keep struggling, trying to push out some feelings.... to show how I really feel... but I don't know how I really feel nowadays... maybe it is this "numb" feeling you speak of. I claimed to ahve felt it before but this seems to fit the description alot better. I haven't drank or smoked in about a month. I suppose that's a good thing. I am an attention seeker... I suppose that is why I enjoy being drunk... because then I can go up to people without fearing and just start doing something stupid.

rumors going around school... I suppose I kinda started them but then kendra couldn't realise that I was being sarcastic lol. oh well.... I will go along with it and make people cringe when I talk about it lol.

I am curious though.... what if I am lying about this all? what if I have become you but more extreme? what if all this was just a game to get what I want? What IF I went out and drank and smoked and got drugged up every night? then what? I want to know what you would do... all of you. Greg? Rachael? Marc? Carly? Brandon? Lena? Daniel? Katelyn?

I just realised... half of my friends are the ones that live far away.... that I don't know...

anyway, gonna go play a retarded children's game with a friend.... Lena to be exact.... cya guys.

maybe you really should stop calling... your call.... not mine.... no pun intended...
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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Why must we get mad?
Haven't had anything to say in the past few days... I still don't I guess... you got mad at me and I have no clue why... I really was sick today and I really was at school to do an english project. you acted really bitchy today and such... and I have no clue why... and why won't you tell me? I don't get it. you're a liar.... that's all. very secretive and I don't know why.... why must we get angry and lie? o well... band practice today... should be fun.

P.S. Bob, I will try to get on AIM some more, lol
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Friday, March 9, 2007

Party tonight?
I was gonna go to a party tonight.... then I thought of the people taht I may disappoint.... and I don't know if I want to go now... it's weird, why should I care what they think? I don't know... o well.... whatever.

She misses him so much.... I hope she can get over him... but she won't and it makes me feel a little weird inside, the feeling of knowing oyu can't help someone sucks so bad...

I wonder if my parent's heard me this morning... lol

I guess I won't go tonight.... too much on my mind... no need to get drunk right now... I would rather talk to some friends.... and I will feel great tomorrow and I will watch movies with friends.... I hate the world.... haha, tlak about mood swings, eh?
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Thursday, March 8, 2007

it goes to show...
haha, if you put your mind to somehting, you can do it! I did it... maybe I didn't? o well, for now I feel good... I feel back to my normal self now... it will probably be better for me, her, and us. I hope we can continue to be bestest of friends... lol, I think I failed my precal test... o well, work tomorrow and my band is coming over again... my band is joining a competition as well, but this time with a different singer... I hope we do well... we need to create french metal songs :P should be fun. I was gonna go to a movie tonight with some buds but there were no late shows.... so instead I will sit around and veg :P...

and by the way bitch... you aren't a whore, you're just a liar, stop saying things abotu yourself... I can put myself down too y'know, just stop.
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Wednesday, March 7, 2007

I don't think I love you anymore....
ok.... this is so weird.... I don't feel for you like I used to.... maybe I am just out of it... I was gonna push you away and use some very bad things to do it... I was gonna involve people that I don't know... him and your dad... it's probably a good thing I talked to him.... he made me stop... he said I'd regret it.... and I know I would have... you say I wouldn't have? you're wrong! and it wouldn't take me 2 months to forget you... I am actually starting to wonder if I will ever feel that way again for anyone... it doesn't matter anyway... I want you to go out and date your "crush". I will be happy for you guys. you think I dislike him? I don't and I never ahve and probably won't until he fucks up like the other one did. I don't know what else to say... I need a friend right now and you seem to be the best bet right now... no other real friends around right now...

ouch, I almost broke my fucking finger today. lmfao, in gym today we played this sport... dunno wtf it was :P but anyway I was a goalie and my hand was near the ground a guy ran by me and middle finger got caught in his shoe lace and I can barely move it now...

anyway yeah... everything's so confuzzling right now, but I can work it out :P. don't let me do anything I may regret.... unless it is killing someone.... hehe.... cya guys
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Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Push me away
my fingers are numb form winter sports in gym... so my typing is gonna be pretty bad probably...

I am going to lamb of god tonight.... it should be good.... trivium is openning for them and some other unpopular metal band.

I ahven't been able to think straight over the past little while... I want a smoke.... and a drink.... it's your fault... push me away... do it already... whenever I do something..... disregard it and ignore me... hit me.... I don't care.... do somehting.... stay away form me..... push me the fuck away.... why is this happening? I just don't get it...

my dad's been being a prick lately.... I asked him a question and he spazzed.... o well... it was too cold out last night to do anything...

I want a care to run over my leg 40 times so I can't walk... and I'd do it all for you... all so you don't have to worry.... all so you'll stay off my case... I want to fucking kill you. get a fucking job you fucking lazy asshole. I hope you get a job and then get killed at it.... some freak accident.

and you... what the fuck is wrong with you? why? really? no? I don't fucking believe you! you fucking liar! I'll fucking kill you before you tell me the bad stuff... YOU FUCKING LIAR! and I fucking hate you... but o well...

stop fucking calling me... it's annoying and repetitive.... even if I ask you to.... just stop... you're so persistant.... and why do you call? whenever you do, either you or me gets depressed and sad or hurt... just stop it... push me away.... meh o well.... I hate you.... I love you.... I hate you.... whatever... I wanna know what it's gonna take to make you leave... but then again.... everytime I see your face it makes me smile... and I realize I would never want you to leave.... would my life be better if you left? would your's be better if I left? I must sound clingy as hell... I hate being a "guy". meh tonight is a metal concert so I will prolly beat teh shit out of someone to release some stress... o well... fuck you.... fuck him.... fuck this.... fuck life... fuck the world.... I fucking hate it all... I hate you...
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