Sunday, February 4, 2007

dammit
well let's see, he is harasing her and I can't stand it, he hates me for no reaon and wants to kick my ass, HA! I would love to see that little punk try! man you hafta stay away from her, I swear to god man, I will beat you down so bad if you do anything. I ain't gonna start anything, I heard you wanted to kick my ass, bring all your guys if you are plannning on doing, I ain't going down without a fight, leave her alone, you're only upsetting her... for the first time in a long time she sounded like she was about to cry on the phone and it's your fault... and don't worry, I ain't gonna initiate anything, you better come of to my face and tell me what the fuck you want from me... I am a little mad right now
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Thursday, February 1, 2007

First day at school
back to school after exams... new semester, new classes, new stuff... not many friends in my classes, lol, oh well. that's about it. a friend wants to start a band, we have a bassist, a guitarist, and she wants to sing. and I am gonna play drums... not much more to say, haha... ... ...
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Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Stuck with me
I'm not part of your elite
I'm just alright
Class structure waving colors
Bleeding from my throat
Not subservient to you I'm just alright
Down classed by the powers that be
Give me loss of hope

Cast out... Buried in a hole
Struck down... forcing me to fall
Destroyed... giving up the fight
Well, I know I'm not alright

What's my price and will you pay it if it's alright?
Take it from my dignity
waste it until it's dead
Throw me back into the gutter
'Cause it's alright
Find another pleasure fucker
Drag them down to hell

Cast out... Buried in a hole
Struck down... forcing me to fall
Destroyed... giving up the fight
Well, I know I'm not alright

Cast out... Buried in a hole
Struck down... forcing me to fall
Destroyed... giving up the fight
Well, I know I'm not alright
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tonight
tonight being 1 this morning, lol... I saw borat, it was a good movie but SO offensive, lol, I love it!

before I left she called me to talk... I realize now that I wasn't being very supportive, I was acting like an ass. lol..... well anyway she talked about shit in a very sad voice and told me she wasn't sad, I should be more supportive. she told me about her dad calling and I didn't help the situation at all, I just kinda moved along, I wish I was more wise, I wish I knew what to say, I wish I was good with words and was able to put them together like a friend of mine... he's great with words, knows exactly what to say at exactly the right time.... I wish I could be like that.... and she keeps putting herself down, even though she tells me not to do so... she's more of a hypocrite than I am, fuck. she believes what people say, and I tell her not to, even though I believe half the stuff I hear lol, I am a pretty bad hypocrite, but FUCK, she is bad for that, putting herself down, not even just believing it, but actually reinforcing it. I'd like her to stop, but I wouldn't know how to say it, so maybe when she reads this, she will get the message...
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Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Cliff Diving
Hey silly girl, I think I got a thing for you
From late nights spent driving in this stolen car
The years we wasted living in this desert town
Haven't broken us so far

Hot afternoons we climbed onto the neighbor's house
Breathed deep and jumped into a waiting sky
Our bare feet were framed on the horizon
I felt the future in your eyes

It was the promise of summer
We sealed it with a kiss
This time I'll do things proper
How did it get to this?

Dear you, tonight lets get ahead of ourselves
Cause now, I barely can remember
Yesterday stretched on for so long
Tomorrow feels like forever

My God, you know how much I needed this
These days are filled with such disaster
Sometimes I think that life will never be the same
Sometimes I think that's the answer

And she said

Here comes the promise of summer
Let's seal it with a kiss
This time I'll do things proper
How did we get to this?

Here comes the promise of summer
Let's seal it with a kiss
This time I'll do things proper
How did we get to this?

Here comes the promise of summer
Let's seal it with a kiss
This time I'll do things proper
How did we get to this?

Here comes the promise of summer
Let's seal it with a kiss
This time I'll do things proper
How did we get to this?

Here comes the promise of summer
(Let's seal it with a kiss)
(Let's seal it with a kiss)
(Let's seal it with a kiss)
Here comes the promise of summer
How did we get to this?
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yesterday
didn't really get a chance to post, so I will talk about yesterday.... billy talent came through town, I had wicked seats! first moneen played for like 25 minutes, then anti-flag for a bit more, maybe 35 minutes. rise against played for 50 minutes and then billy talent for an hour and 20 minutes... Antiflag was my favourite, I am gonna go out and buy one of their albums now :P

next concert I go to I wanna be on the floor YEAH

before that I was at school all day for exams. I think I freaked out a little too much, but oh well, at least I didn't hit a person. I beat the shit out of a locker again, haha, it's how I release anger I suppose, oh well. and don't be taking my music away please, I need that music, it is what gets me through my day as oppose to cigarettes and alcohol...
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Monday, January 29, 2007

EXAMS ARE OVER
finally, exams are over, I love it, new semester starting... I am pretty sure I failed physics, but o well, lol.

note to self : water evaporated from a sealed bottle... it must represent her somehow...
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Sunday, January 28, 2007

So fucking what?
hey, I didn't mean to make you mad at me, or feel however you are feeling... I ain't gonna smoke, I don't smoke... so please get off of my case about that... and I am quite sure I have apologized for my drinking more than once... but no more, I realize now I sounded like a loser apologizing so much, I might just give up apologizing too, along with the promises that I would make that would never be kept... I hope you aren't starting to dislike me since the other night. and that comment I made, I didn't imply I was thinking about suicide, thank you very much. I was simply pissed off, not at you, but at the whole world. you're right, I do complain too much about how much life sucks. I guess I shouldn't be saying that because I probably have a better life than most people. think about those third world countries, I mean I could be living like that, but I'm NOT! and that's the thing. why should I be thinking life sucks? THEY should be the ones thinking that. I read your posts, they are interesting and I really hope you aren't starting to dislike me, haha, we all need others to protect us, no matter how much we don't want it. they will always be there for us, no matter what. even with my pessimistic outlook on life, I still for some strage, demented, morbid, obscene reason, laugh at everything... I laugh at you alot, and at him, and at all of them! you tell me I say life sucks. I am sure you think it, though I wouldn't know for sure, you keep everything bottled up which is very unhealthy... HAHA, it's like my fucking anger, you keep it bottled up inside. It scares the shit out of me... I mean what if one day I just take it out on someone? I eman I have years of anger built up, high blood pressure, lol, it's not healthy, haha, I feel stressed out alot, laughing helps... what if I take it out on someone? what if I hurt someone so bad that I send them somewhere worse than the hospitol? what if I send them to "hate Aaron land"? HAHA! I made myself laugh and now I have this cocky smile on my face... I am scared shitless that I will hurt someone I care about, haha, but then I wouldn't have any friends... I already made an ass out of myself the other night, I don't need to lose mroe friends... but a real friend.... define it please... would a real friend stay even if you put them through hell? and sent them to the hospitol? or would they get scared and leave you alone forever? on the other hand, what if I let everything else on that asshole prickface or that daddy's spoiled boy? THEN WHAT!?!?! HUH!?!?!?! TELL ME!!! HAAAA! holy shit, that wouldn't matter, I would go to jail if it was one of them! would that distance me from my friends even more? maybe just the thought of this is distancing myself from them... maybe I am subconciously stayking away from them because I am scared to hurt them? is that it? if so, then I don't understand... haha, I'll take a class about it! and why doesn't it matter what you tell me? I wanna know more and more, but I realize now that I won't get what I want from you. It isn't what "all guys want". I don't ever want it from you like that HA! HAHA! I think that would ruin this great friendship, it doesn't matter now though... not at this moment, I am alone, I am sitting at home and thinking of you and wondering if you are sitting at home thinking of me and wondering if I'm sitting at home thinking of you... or am I just wasting my time? well, I have ranted on for long enough now, and I didn't mean that stuff in my other post about those guys making my blood boil, you're right, I don't know them, you obviously care about them too much, and I respect that, I won't talk shit about them anymore, hahaaaa, oh boy, I lvoe this, I should have already stopped typing but I can't it's like a drug.... and if you think about it, so is friendship in a way. once you ahve a friend, you want them to continue being a friend, it becomes an addiction. haha then when you can't have them as a friend anymore, you miss them, haha. I know this sounds so weird, but you told me to put shit in words that I understand and not necessarily what others understand, so I did. I tried and I spilled everything out here. you now say you wana put metal through your face, HA! good luck on that one, go scar your body, who knows what your parents would think? maybe I'll get a lip ring too, but I don't think I am hardcore enough for one. omfg, I have been ranting on for too long, I should shut the fuck up lol... anyway, this is what it is all about...

I feel like I just inhaled a fucking pound of tylenol
and swalloed a fucking gallon of lysol!

Have you ever fucked up so bad that it made you just stop and laugh? I have! HAHA!

feel good baby, gotta keep living it up and rocking the free world

I am off apologies and promises for life. the apologies will only be when absolutely necessary, it'll mean alot more... my apologies now osunds like I am trying to get pity or attention! HAHAHA! it's retarded, I ain't gonna apologize or promise anything anymore!!!!

hope ya had fun reading this, and if not, I'm not sorry and I ain't promising you the last 5 minutes of your life back!!!

HAHAHAHA! LAUGH!!!! IT MAKES YA LIVE LONGER!!!!
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WOOOOOO
haha, at work last night my boss got mad at me, lol, fuck him BITCH! I want a new job, last night I realized to the full extent how badly I screwed up the other night, lol.... and when I did, I just burst out laughing and didn't stop for literally 2 hours. HA!
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Saturday, January 27, 2007

party
omg, I fucking hate this shit... I was drinking last night, and she was there... she's mad, I know it, even though she says she isn't. I hope she still talks to me I hope she still wants to be my friend. I don't even deserve her. I mean I feel like the biggest shit head right now. the WORST part about it is that I promised I wouldn't anymore. maybe I just shouldn't make promises. if I don't make promises I have nothing to break except for my own soul, dignity and self respect. I smoked some cigarettes which worried her... I know I am not right for doing it, but it was to get a point across, never to hurt yourself. I don't want her to be hurting herself, but I hurt myself just the same as I tell her not to. I want to talk to her now, I want to tell her how sorry I am, how stupid I was, how I don't deserve her, how she is too good for most of the people she socializes with. GOD everytime she says his name I feel my blood start to boil. I don't know why she ever socialized with that low-life. omg, I feel fucking sick to my stomach, and not from the alcohol but because of thinking about her, wondering if she'll still accept me for who I am. maybe I am just delusional. he helped me too, thanks man, for being there, it's helped me. but he is a little too over protective. I know he is just looking out for me, but I dislike having him telling me when to go home, I would have liked to check out that other party last night, but he wouldn't let me... that one girl has a party like every weekend anyway, maybe I'll check them out... I want to beat the crap out of someone just to release all this stress, all this anger I've built up, if I could fight myself I would beat the shit out of me to show me how stupid I am and to teach myself a lesson. I was well dressed and I still acted like a retard... I sunk to the level of those other guys, SHIT. I am such a fucking hypocrite! I always talk about how I hate those "popular" kids that go around, drinking, getting drunk, smoking, getting high every weekend... now I am doing the same, but I wil never try a drug... there ius so much more I want to say, but I have ranted on for long enough... no more promises, I am off them for life...

I know you'll both read this, probably today

Please forgive me

...
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