Sunday, January 28, 2007

So fucking what?
hey, I didn't mean to make you mad at me, or feel however you are feeling... I ain't gonna smoke, I don't smoke... so please get off of my case about that... and I am quite sure I have apologized for my drinking more than once... but no more, I realize now I sounded like a loser apologizing so much, I might just give up apologizing too, along with the promises that I would make that would never be kept... I hope you aren't starting to dislike me since the other night. and that comment I made, I didn't imply I was thinking about suicide, thank you very much. I was simply pissed off, not at you, but at the whole world. you're right, I do complain too much about how much life sucks. I guess I shouldn't be saying that because I probably have a better life than most people. think about those third world countries, I mean I could be living like that, but I'm NOT! and that's the thing. why should I be thinking life sucks? THEY should be the ones thinking that. I read your posts, they are interesting and I really hope you aren't starting to dislike me, haha, we all need others to protect us, no matter how much we don't want it. they will always be there for us, no matter what. even with my pessimistic outlook on life, I still for some strage, demented, morbid, obscene reason, laugh at everything... I laugh at you alot, and at him, and at all of them! you tell me I say life sucks. I am sure you think it, though I wouldn't know for sure, you keep everything bottled up which is very unhealthy... HAHA, it's like my fucking anger, you keep it bottled up inside. It scares the shit out of me... I mean what if one day I just take it out on someone? I eman I have years of anger built up, high blood pressure, lol, it's not healthy, haha, I feel stressed out alot, laughing helps... what if I take it out on someone? what if I hurt someone so bad that I send them somewhere worse than the hospitol? what if I send them to "hate Aaron land"? HAHA! I made myself laugh and now I have this cocky smile on my face... I am scared shitless that I will hurt someone I care about, haha, but then I wouldn't have any friends... I already made an ass out of myself the other night, I don't need to lose mroe friends... but a real friend.... define it please... would a real friend stay even if you put them through hell? and sent them to the hospitol? or would they get scared and leave you alone forever? on the other hand, what if I let everything else on that asshole prickface or that daddy's spoiled boy? THEN WHAT!?!?! HUH!?!?!?! TELL ME!!! HAAAA! holy shit, that wouldn't matter, I would go to jail if it was one of them! would that distance me from my friends even more? maybe just the thought of this is distancing myself from them... maybe I am subconciously stayking away from them because I am scared to hurt them? is that it? if so, then I don't understand... haha, I'll take a class about it! and why doesn't it matter what you tell me? I wanna know more and more, but I realize now that I won't get what I want from you. It isn't what "all guys want". I don't ever want it from you like that HA! HAHA! I think that would ruin this great friendship, it doesn't matter now though... not at this moment, I am alone, I am sitting at home and thinking of you and wondering if you are sitting at home thinking of me and wondering if I'm sitting at home thinking of you... or am I just wasting my time? well, I have ranted on for long enough now, and I didn't mean that stuff in my other post about those guys making my blood boil, you're right, I don't know them, you obviously care about them too much, and I respect that, I won't talk shit about them anymore, hahaaaa, oh boy, I lvoe this, I should have already stopped typing but I can't it's like a drug.... and if you think about it, so is friendship in a way. once you ahve a friend, you want them to continue being a friend, it becomes an addiction. haha then when you can't have them as a friend anymore, you miss them, haha. I know this sounds so weird, but you told me to put shit in words that I understand and not necessarily what others understand, so I did. I tried and I spilled everything out here. you now say you wana put metal through your face, HA! good luck on that one, go scar your body, who knows what your parents would think? maybe I'll get a lip ring too, but I don't think I am hardcore enough for one. omfg, I have been ranting on for too long, I should shut the fuck up lol... anyway, this is what it is all about...

I feel like I just inhaled a fucking pound of tylenol
and swalloed a fucking gallon of lysol!

Have you ever fucked up so bad that it made you just stop and laugh? I have! HAHA!

feel good baby, gotta keep living it up and rocking the free world

I am off apologies and promises for life. the apologies will only be when absolutely necessary, it'll mean alot more... my apologies now osunds like I am trying to get pity or attention! HAHAHA! it's retarded, I ain't gonna apologize or promise anything anymore!!!!

hope ya had fun reading this, and if not, I'm not sorry and I ain't promising you the last 5 minutes of your life back!!!

HAHAHAHA! LAUGH!!!! IT MAKES YA LIVE LONGER!!!!
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