Thursday, March 1, 2007

Nevermind
scratch that.... yeah! my band rules! and such! yeah! People think that I'm insane beacuse I am frowning all the time.... yeah... w.e....... haha..... *cocky look*.... and such..... I don't have to work tomorrow.... a day off finally.... 3 shifts in a row I missed... hahahaha..... what am I feeling now? I don't know.... meh.... I think now I know what she meant when she said numb.... I got taht feeling a few nights ago...... closer to a week I guess now. haven't gotten it again.

what does it take to break a friendship? I want to know? where would you push your best friend aside? what line must they cross? betrayal? lying? hurting? I can't say I would stop being friends with my best friends even if they did these things...

I think I am finally getting over my sickness... been feeling a little under the blue over the past little while...

what the fuck? I don't get it..... why? you don't care? seriously? I don't believe you.... you fucking liar... I can't stay mad at you though....

what the fuck? you aren't lying? why not? I still don't get it... why?.... what?

I don't know what to say.... random words.... trying to extract what I feel? pooring out my heart and soul................ for......... why am I doing this? I don't care about you guys? why are you still reading this? leave now..... I still don't get it.... I want to release some anger, inflict some pain.... I want to feel the pain..... I want to feel a fist smashing my teeth in.... I want to feel someone cut through my skin.... I want to feel the insistant pain from being shot by a gun.... and I don't know why.... next time you see me... wait for a time when I am not paying attention and hit me in the stomach or the chest.... I will say ouch but deep down I will enjoy it..... are you still reading this? go away.... I have an idea now.... why I am still writing here.... I don't want to forget.... ever.... the times with my friends..... high school.... work?...... I don't want to work for the rest of my life, I want to go to school.... I want to be stupid and mature until my body can no longer handle it. y'know I don't hafta be drunk to do stuff... like some of you may think, I am not always drunk.... I wanna shoot someone..... myself..... I want someone else to shott me.... in the arm..... left one please.....so I can still play drums..... alright a little bit of humour there.... I'm hilarious.... and I hate people who think lowly of themselves.... but I hate people who think highly of themselves... I like people who see themselves for who ther are..... as well as other's arond them.... sotp picking out people's good points..... but don't point out their flaws... mustches! are not flaws! I wish I could grow hair faster.... haha.... but I can't. oh well... dragging on a little long here.... I have somehting I want to say but I don't know how to say it... I can't think of the word.... the feeling....... life is fucked up most of the time and you all know it..... I guess I hate myself.... lol...... I point out the world's flaws and can't see the good... and it's all your fault..... you all made me think! and I thought.... and realized how much evil was in the world.... never got around to thinking about the good things..... and now I would have to do 2 years of thinking to get even with all teh bad stuff... I hate you..... you hate me..... but I don't hate you guys.... and I hope to god you guys don't hate me.... you and you and you and you are the only ones that I can actually say I sincerely hate..... you 4 know who you are.... the others I just dislike.... I still never figured out what taht place made me feel..... not hatred..... not envy..... not anything?... that's all for now...



I want to fucking kill someone...
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