Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Growing distant
is it just me? or are you really growing more and more distant as of late? It just seems you have been really quiet. is it what we have feared? have you become weird and awkward around me? I don't get it. It's probably healthier not to. hmmm. what else. Ever since I tried to push you away.... and I stopped feeling the same as I did... all my feelings have been fleeing. last night I didn't give a shit about anything. you kinda scared me last night. I suppose that I scare you too sometimes. I used to be able to talk to you for hours... our conversations have become short and dull. it's like we have nothing left to speak of. you've obviously went back into hiding unless you are serious that you forgot.... and if you really did forget, I qould start to question what you have been doing to forget something like that so easily. every song I've written in the past 6 months has either been about you or inspired by you and I know it sounds so stupid but I have no clue why. I am trying, I keep struggling, trying to push out some feelings.... to show how I really feel... but I don't know how I really feel nowadays... maybe it is this "numb" feeling you speak of. I claimed to ahve felt it before but this seems to fit the description alot better. I haven't drank or smoked in about a month. I suppose that's a good thing. I am an attention seeker... I suppose that is why I enjoy being drunk... because then I can go up to people without fearing and just start doing something stupid.

rumors going around school... I suppose I kinda started them but then kendra couldn't realise that I was being sarcastic lol. oh well.... I will go along with it and make people cringe when I talk about it lol.

I am curious though.... what if I am lying about this all? what if I have become you but more extreme? what if all this was just a game to get what I want? What IF I went out and drank and smoked and got drugged up every night? then what? I want to know what you would do... all of you. Greg? Rachael? Marc? Carly? Brandon? Lena? Daniel? Katelyn?

I just realised... half of my friends are the ones that live far away.... that I don't know...

anyway, gonna go play a retarded children's game with a friend.... Lena to be exact.... cya guys.

maybe you really should stop calling... your call.... not mine.... no pun intended...
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