Saturday, April 21, 2007

No way
I thought you knew me better then that, do you really think I would do something like that? I admit, it may seem taht way, it isn't, it really isn't, I swear to god. you look me in the eyes and tell me you don't know anymore... well I do, I know that if you truely thought taht, you never would have talked to me again, it comes slowly but surely. Everything eventually comes to an end and we have no clue when that will happen, whether it be a misunderstanding, a mistake or a true offense. it was awkward for the first time yesterday in a good long time, I never thought it would come to this, but either you or I have fucked up now... you and I both know taht my motto is never to trust anyone especially not yourself. but you are the one person I have actually put a little bit of trust into, a little bit of hope, a little bit more than anyone else in this world, it can't end like this, not now. No way, it's impossible, I can't believe you'd think of me like that... who knows? m,aybe it is actually true.... that's what I was thinking last night.... then I came to realize that when we are out and about, taht is when I am happiest. it's when you seem happiest too. it never had anything to do with any of this, I want you to know, I want you to believe, I am above alot of other human beings, not to sound egomaniacal or anything, but I really am, I am a genuinely good person and no one can take that away, and if you can't see that, then that's fine. if you truely think that that is the only reason, all these hours, days, months, it's been what now? like a bit more than a year we've been friends? I guess taht doesn't matter, but you are far too dear to me to let you go, or to make you feel uncomfortable, or hurt you in any way, shape, or form. and if you look down deep enough, you will see taht too, it was never meant to be like this and now it is, let's turn around, and go back to the way we were 24 hours ago. No way, this can't be, I know there's no way, it's impossible, you want to hate me and you can't, I want you to hate me too, I want to hate you too, and you probably hate yourself don't you? you say it so much taht you probably believe it, every little thing you ever say, it doesn't make any sense. nothing ever does I suppose...

in any case, that was all last night, I think everything is fine now, I hope everything is fine, please just stay with me another day or two, never leave.... don't let me down, there is somehting here that can never be broken, a friendship, a true friendship, I will respect your wishes as you will mine, and you know that, just let me show you... let me show you how sorry I am taht I ever did anything to you that made you feel upset, sad, mad, paranoid, or anything else.... I really am sorry... oh well

I thought you knew me better then that...

my friend from pittsburgh called me alst night, that was pretty cool. I worked last night, not quite as busy as I thought it would be.... the band is back together, wer are practicing today in about an hour. I am gonna watch hockey with erica and brett tonight. yeah that's about it.
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