Sunday, April 29, 2007

This is never gonna end
well, I don't get it, I wanna post here again.... I want to tell you everything.... did I keep a secret? you don't know, do you? I call and you pick up, I feel lifted, I feel I can fly, I will swoop down from the sky and pick you up and fly to nowhere just hours and hours of absolutely nothing, and this is so weird... everything... was it all worth it? You say fuck yeah...... honestly, I look right back at the person who asks me the question and I have the same exact response..... Fuck yeah!!! so many things taht I want to put into words... makes no sense.... every word, every line, every touch, every smile, every day, every moment, every place, every time...... everywhere, every everything... more words that even I myself don't understand... more words.... more lines.... more messing up... more fucking a person's life up... more anger, more.... everything. everything is so fucked up and I don't understand... help me understand, tell me what I mean when I say this stuff.... tell me why I say this stuff... tell me, I beg of you, tell me why!!! Never ending.... a never ending story of my life... would make to be interesting novel, eh? I am kinda starting to wonder if you need to like to read to be able to write your own novel.... I've contemplated on trying one day to create a story in novel form... maybe include otaku in it.... but it would be more like a journal but without dates and words... it would be randomness, saying nothing, telling you who I am.... or at least who I believe I am..... or maybe who it is I really want to be the story would make no sense.... from word one you would be confuzzled, just like here, making absolutely no sense, not a little bit... I want to cry and tell you everything.... but I want to cry alone too... Never to fall asleep alone, never to live my life alone, never to fuck up, never to drink, smoke, hurt myself... never to try a drug.... I wonder how many accomplishments I could have at the end of a life time.... any idea? probably close to none... chances are that I will end up miserable... nothing making any sense, being without someone I love... sure I will grow out of whatever you think it is that I am in... but one day I know I will fall in love with a girl and she will already be happily with someone else and I will have missed out so I will have to settle for the lazy fat chick taht despises me and will do anything to make my life a living hell... the one who uses me for whatever it may be.... what does it matter? I'm not going to have any money when I get old, so stay away from me... no point coming any closer, I am going to start wearing a caution sign around my neck.... *caution, poor fat guy, stay away* ..... but I will never do taht because I think my body motions say it all... I will go once more, trying again and again to get what I want.... you don't know what I want.... or do you? I want to see you again and at the same time, I don't want you to see me... me in all my glory, watch me drink, I need a drink and I have for the past couple months really.... but I won't drink.... not too much, because then I wil get addicted and turn into the man I hate and cannot respect... I am going to stop calling him my father... should a father not be respected by his kids? is he respected by me? my sister? if so, why? definitely not by me.... now I have to ask when my friends want to come over to hang out for 30 minutes at lunch time? screw you man, I'll do what I want when I want... hasn't talked to me in days, been getting my mom to talk to me... and I told her that the man taht I do not respect can fuck off... I must sound totally out of it right now, eh? probably not sounding like myself... I love you my dear, I know it's only a thought, but it will see us through, don't cry, I will be there forever, even when your heart stops beating, I will stay with you... forever.... now just please sleep my darling, sleep, your cries for inspiration never reach the ears on distant stars... you have been discovered a liar.... So long, forgotten friends, no, you don't know the difference... Hey silly girl, I think I got a thing for you.... Here comes the promise of summer Let's seal it with a kiss This time I'll do things proper How did we get to this?... So you think you've been through it all But I can't help but wonder now Yesterday I found my worst regret I'll hide it away so no one ever knows... Please understand... This isn't just goodbye This is I can't stand you This is where the road crashed into the ocean It rises all around me And now we're barely breathing A thousand faces we'll choose to ignore... I don't, don't wanna take you home Please don't, don't make me sleep alone If I could, I'd only want to make you smile If you were to stay with me a while... I'm scraped and sober, but there's no one listening... you most likely won't get it, probably not the most popular stuff, but I think he is such a great writer, especially his stuff with this band... I'm still writing this? I started it like half an hour ago at least..... oh well, I am just taht random.... have a nice day.... you motherfuckers....
Comments (2)