Wednesday, May 30, 2007

I shed a single tear today...
...I'm sorry my dear. It was all wrong, all of it, never once did it feel right... holding hands... for couples... skipping classes to see you? I've never had a friend like that... I hope to god we can still be friends, I hope to god you will still WANT to be my friend. I love you and I always will... This hurts so much... I don't know what to say... I wish the words would come out but there hasn't been many words invented for what I am feeling... Heart broken... love hurt... this really doesn't make sense to me and it never did... I was serious this time... No more, I swear... the way you left my house today... that hurt too... it all hurts... it always does... I'm sorry... I still love you and it feels like it will never stop, but I can at least halt it for a while.... maybe to find someone else to keep my mind off of you... I'm burning up... I feel a fever coming on and a little fucked up.... stomach, head, chest, throat.... all in physical pain... thoughts rearranged, feelings jumbled... Confused to fuck... Thank you for everything... now that I think about it..... it was your fault... what the hell am I saying? I can't pin blame on others... this was my own fault I brought it upon myself.... it doesn't matter about all those things you said.... I'm just not ready... as I type this, I can still smell your sweet scent on me, the insistant, overpowering scent which I loved, adored... Play a video game with me, play piano with me, talk to me, just stay away from me.... That must sound harsh... I'm sorry.... I apologize too much, I got the habit from you.... you got mine too though... I am trying to smile for you... I can't, it hurts... I wish you were here... I'm done... I feel more tears coming.... but I won't let them out.... my body keeps that on preference setting... it knows not to let me cry even if I want to. You will find someone else like me one day and I will find someone else just like you, we will probably forget about each other when we go to school after high school... but then again I am a complete pessimist... I don't ever want to forget you... you're the only good thing taht ever happened to me... If you stay friends with me I will be the happiest man in the world, please just do that one thing for me... I wish you the best of luck... maybe he'll start talking to you again.... maybe she'll start talking to me again.... maybe not.... probably not... I will still protect you... please don't resort to whatever it may be.... you hid from me today.... unless you really didn't care about what I said.... you hid and left.... and now I am scared of what you're gonna do... makers me want to cry more.... but I can't.... I need a drink.... but I won't have one, not tonight, not tomorrow... not for a while... probably when... we'll see... I'll love you forever.... good bye.... thank you again for everything...
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