Sunday, April 14, 2013

Nothing
... Well, I'm still in love with Wendy... I love her more and more everyday... I've never experienced anything so difficult... It kills me to watch her go to bed every night with another man... She is sitting here right now holding his hand... I'm trying to hold back the tears, I really am... I sometimes wonder if I'll ever love anyone like I love her... It scares me... It was never supposed to come to this. It went way further than it ever should have... I'm so madly in love and I cant tell the world how I feel about her... That's all I really want... She saw I was sad and let go of his hand... Or maybe it was a coincidence... Sometimes she tells me that she loves me... Sometimes I really see it... I'm so fucked up over her... I've never felt this way before in my life... No one has ever done this to me before... Words aren't enough to express what I feel for her. She is so great, so beautiful, so incredible, and she deserves someone who will tell her that everyday... She's been saying some things lately... Like how her sister always thought we clicked... And that she thinks maybe I'm the one she would be happy with... Her kids love me and I love those kids... But I'm not ready for kids... But I would do anything for her... But I don't have the money to treat her how she truly deserves to be treated... She has a heart of gold and I've been searching so long for the girl with the heart of gold.... I've been spending alot of nights here at her place, and watching her go to bed with him literally makes me cry... And it comes at such short notice. I fell asleep happy tonight... But then he had to wake me up because apparently my snoring is unbareable and now I'm a wreck again... I can't sleep so I just thought I'd write stuff... I'm gonna break down when they go to bed, I know it, I feel it coming now... Even though they barely do anything in bed, it still hurts worse than anything ever has before... I've never cried so hard over a girl... I don't think I've cried so much in my life... I fucking hate this! But I fucking love her! My head is all over the place... And I don't know if I can get it back together... It's a dark grey world when she's not around... She makes everything better... But fucks everything up too... I'm so lost
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