Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Rekindled Embers

It's been a while hasn't it...My apologies...I hope all is well...Things have been a little rough lately but are fine nonetheless...My phone has been shut off...For more information please visit http://xXxWickedRagexXx.Deviantart.com...That aside I would like to share something with you all...If you have the patience then I thank you for your time...With that being said I will show you a reflective essay that I've had to write...This is the truth, you may know his as aodtr666 or Angel...Which ever you prefer he is the one I speak of in this essay...As a warning this essy is in fact nearly 2 pages long...I spent two hours with no rough draft and wrote what came to mind and organized it the best I could...I prefer to do things free reverse rather than following rubrics or rules for that matter...This essay has touched my sibling as well when I requested that she proof read it...My eyes were watery when I wrote this, I was able to hold back the tears but I do believe my sister was not...Thank you for your time and I do hope you enjoy... P.S.- If you have failed to notice my site has been revised, I give thanks to my one and only, Angel...I love you... x-----------------------------------------------x I’ve been rekindled Awaiting for 2:30 to roll around, I sat patiently at the computer desk browsing through my usual sites in the dining room. The desk was rather messy as it has always been, but on certain occasions I am order to clean it up. It’s an everyday thing for me, awaken and shower then head for the computer. Anticipating for that one hour to come along as to be enabled to speak with my beloved Angel. By day we chat on the computer, by nightfall after we both sign off, I patiently wait in my room for my daily phone call. Sometimes taking a walk outside in my 1 acre yard speaking about our day or laughing about casual things that come to mind. I never thought I would be given the chance to feel something that I never believed to be real, I had been proven wrong. It will get a little rough here and there but nothing all too serious. The first day we met on a dead site known as Otaku. It was rather strange, though neither of us knew one another we had already given each other our messenger usernames so that we could chat through the messenger rather than notes. Unlike the usual introduction we never once asked one another for our names until a week and a half or so later. My curiosity got a bit out of hand as well, question after question, but he didn’t seem to mind. We always thought we would stay friends, we have much in common which is surprising. He thought I was copying him but it turned out that I wasn’t, it seemed as though we had been twins separated at birth. When I had first seen a picture of him he had nothing more than a goatee. Beautiful blue eyes that are hypnotizing, I could gaze into them for days. His hair was a dark brownish black color and was somewhat short, an athletic build. When we first met he wasn’t the happiest of people but neither was I, we always had our ways of cheering one another up or putting each other at ease. We still do to this day. He still has that goatee, now with a jaw line beard that’s just right, it’s not bushy but clean cut and not very long at all but still clearly visible. He has an amazing personality, one that cannot be compared, it is likewise with his astonishing appearance. Being half albino he is rather pale but I have a thing for pale skin, he’s in between 6’4” and 6’5”. His dark clothing is another plus, we’re both into the same things and prefer dark clothes, Hot Topic is just the place to shop. As this daily ritual of chatting online progressed through a series of 5 or 6 months, things seemed rather steady, until a day I wish to never have to relive again. This unbearable event brought us closer in a very short time, but also brought pain. It was on Thanksgiving day in the year of 2005, around 8:45pm, I had signed onto my messenger to see if Angel had been on. He was, but something didn’t feel right, something was troubling him, I had asked what was wrong, it was something far more worse than what I had expected. He explained to me that he had taken all of his pain killers, tears immediately came to my burning eyes. I didn’t want to believe it, things seemed to be going so well, I ran outside, my sibling explained to him that I was outside. After a few minutes, I was called back inside, my sibling Jessica explained that Angel had asked if he were to give me his number if I would call. I agreed and told him yes, soon after I received his number and took hold of my mother’s phone returning to the front of the yard. He told me to wait for 5 minutes before calling and I obeyed, when it was time to call I was rather nervous but more worried than I had ever been before. I had Jessica dial for me and hand me the phone after she asked if it was Angel, “Is Angel there?” I watched with tear filled eyes, my heart was racing and everything seemed to be in so much pain, it was him and I was given the phone. It was the first time either of us had spoken to one another over the phone, I was nervous but more so scared and worried. I didn’t want to lose him, we had only been friends but he meant so much more to me than that. As hours passed we talked trying not to focus on the situation, by 10 or 11 pm the calamity had come. Tears cascaded my frozen cheeks as I lay in bed unable to cease the tears, I called out his name in hopes that it would bring him back to me. “Angel.. Angel… Please don’t leave me… Please… I need you… Come back to me… Angel..!” With every passing minute I grew weaker, more tired, it was hard to breathe, my head hurt, my vision had grown blurry. At times I would wait and listen, trying to hear for any movement, any breathing, but there was nothing. The silence grew louder, I prayed, prayed for him to stay with me, to take me instead. It was around 2 in the morning, I continued to call his name, barely being audible I continued to pray, begging. I didn’t want to hang up, I couldn’t, at this point my body was unable to move trying to force me to sleep as it had grown weakened over the hours. But I refused and forced myself to stay awake, continuing to call out his name and praying, though I am not a believer. I knew there was something up there but unsure as to what. Somehow, in someway, I had the strength to continue my calls, the tears still falling with my red and slightly closed eyes still burning. I felt numb without him, like I no longer had a reason to live. By now it’s a quarter to 5 am, through these tormenting hours all I could do was hope he was going to come back, that he was going to be alright. At times I would stop calling his name only to pray for his safety, if I wasn’t praying I would call out his name. And then… In the silence of it all I heard something, my heart rate was now racing more than it had been, my eyes shot open and I forced myself to rise. I called out his name, with each name my voice raised wondering if he could hear me, if it was him. “Emy…?” It was him, my tears of joy fell as I said his name with a smile on my face. “What were you doing…?” he had asked and in response, “Waiting… I was waiting for you…” I checked on him, asking if he was alright, he was in so much pain before the unfortunate event. Everything still hurt but not as bad as before, he said that he was glad to have met me and I say the same to him. As a couple months progressed we slowly put it behind us and grew closer together, neither of us expected it but the relationship slowly flowed into something more than just friends. We didn’t ask each other out it just happened, we have been a couple since, and an extremely happy one at that. As our time together continues our flame of love and passion for one another grows immensely each and everyday. No words, could ever express how much he means to me, how much I love him. I have been reborn, given a chance to feel what love and happiness is. A belief I thought was a myth, something nonexistent, is now something I have and treasure ever so dearly, a feeling I never want to live without. He is the one, my one true love, not a single soul could ever make me feel the way I do with him. My eyes have been opened to a new world, a new life, a future that I had never thought of before, one of which I want to spend the rest of my life with him. x-----------------------------------------------x Sorry love...I had to make the descrption of you simple and to the point otherwise I would write nothing but everything about you...And you already know me and describing/explaining things aren't my best but I think I did good...I hope...I wanted to add more but my teacher is probably going to complain about the length and details...Oh well...She wanted and essay and this is probably more than she bargained for...If you've made it this far congrats and thanks again...If you don't mind I would really enjoy your opinion/response to this rather long essay no matter how long the comment...I'm rather curious to know how you feel and what you think of it...Take care everyone...And merry christmas for those that celebrate...Yes..I purposely left the 'm' and 'c' lowercase letters...There is so much more I would've loved to add to this...

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