Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Hell and Her Book
I walk with a light limp.. my foot hurts.. I've injured it while running today.
Early while the cool October wind blew in my face.
I walk and the classroom is empty.. nothing really there for me.
I walk right on ahead though the bright lights shinning of my glasses hurt my eyes. I ignore the slight pain though and I notice that as I'm walking I can't help but stare down at the ground. The pain in my foot distracts me more than the light. Usually I'd try to close my eyes a little more to prevent light to break inside. I seem to not care.. and the stress is bothering me.. back inside my mind.. I keep thinking about every morning how I wake up and wash my face. Then I look in the mirror and wash my hair a little bit... then I look at my hands and it makes me sad when I see that I'm losing a lot of hair. I pretend its not true though and I shave. Now, I'm inside this classroom now and I see shelves of books and as I'm walking down I notice a certain book. Inferno by Dante. Then I remember her... "Melissa.." I whisper to myself softly. I wonder if she ever gets to die will I still love her enough to go to hell and get her back? "No" a voice in my head tells me and I seem to agree. Such a beautiful nurse she's become right now.. simply an intern in College. I wonder what I was in love with.. her looks or the way she neglected me. Both, probably I love being treated bad by the people I feel strongly infatuated to. I miss her smiles and I counted the times she let me get close to her... all those times I felt some of the most perfect feelings in my life. Delicate... I thought her skin was too delicate so I had enough self control not to try hugging her or even restrain from letting the kiss be a sin. It would never be anything serious and all I ever do is make her feel a light warmth in her hear. She often told me how no one would tell her the things I did.. I wondered if her blush filled face was that bright or brighter when she spoke to other people but I refused to believe that there was someone else.. someone better than me. She was my upperclassmen though and the day her graduation came mine was still far from sight. That's the last day I ever heard about her.. and I can only dream about her now. Her soft innocent looks on her face.. and my beating bleeding heart in her hands.. oh how beautiful she looks in that nurse uniform. Ironic.. her profession she's going for is heart surgeon. So that day she took my heart and never gave it back. Now I break hearts only to feel like I have my own.
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Saturday, September 12, 2009

You'll Burn
My name to me is something like a fire, So red, so bright. It can be strong somteimes with a cold blue flame. Just stare at my reputation and you'll see something in my eyes pure and true.l I'll let you down though and prove you wrong. I'm honest, and so I will break hearts as a pass time. Under the flame there's ashes, the dark part of my life burning with ember. I'll burn your reputation with mine and take your place. Betray my welcoming trust, and I'll let that pass. To me you will become someone such as comparing truth to lies, But, I will do fine making your lies true taking control of you. My revenge will be an oil spill; my fire will follow until the source becomes a waste; the tank will explode and with it your life my dear loving friend. My reputation is a secret much like smoke; it goes inte the sky, and you see it no more. My life does have a limit, and I'd say it's worth saving despite of the pollution I put in the broad blue sky. I'd admit to not any lie and die as a martyr to let the world see me shine. So with my death, I will be remembered and not as a bad man.
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Sunday, September 6, 2009

Return
Oh, how so the moon so full tonight so perfect and its beauty so perpetuate. Doesn't it inspire you to return to who you wanted to become? maybe come back to all your abandoned dreams.. makes old people want to fix their days when they were young.. a 70 year old finishing high school what's that for? uh, impressive to many in so many ways.. pathetic maybe to more. Cheer for this reality to where we lag behind the kids left behind already. The misunderstood in asylums and the ignorant free. The truth in archives and files away from us the lies out there roaming our minds spreading in the air like pollen and breeze. Forgiveness hard to find while violence is just a word away from our search engines.. all we can do to generate this kind of happiness is come together and sing songs.. play songs and reteach them to the young and with these real artists dead which ones alive surround us? Will we learn to appreciate the live things the real objects and humans? I will deny in the side of the strange and in the side of the outcasts.. I will stand with the smaller army and I will defend this new type of home.. this new type of confidence and towards a new type of peace. Without ourselves and our conceded selves we will relearn to understand why we forgive. Because, kids who make other kids cry only want to know what the other one will do next. That's why we should all be nice.
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Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Disagree
I hate to see the way you love me.. When someone uses my name their love for me makes me sick.. If only I could remain hidden or lost it would be the greatest thing I could be. I can't become anything better than myself I'm just me after all. Do I don't appreciate love and God doesn't care.
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Thursday, August 27, 2009

Dedication
A virtue most look up to. No matter what you're dedicated to there's certain Irony that keeps them admiring dedication. Sometimes that'd give you the occupation you need from a lot of people. Who doesn't like a person who won't betray them?
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Sunday, August 23, 2009

attention
The mood matches perfectly now... with the perfect song... and the perfect headache... so much.. Fun... look at you suffer Uriel. Haha your hair down by your face.. Such a guy you are... the sharp pain and the coughs keep you awake.. You're not the the only one... whenever I see Damien again I'm going to be a little angry but I'll let it go -ll let it fall... forgivness is strong in me.. And here I watch time go by in pain as the seconds tick.. When pain and time embrace.
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what have u become??
If only me and my life were two different people... and I could ask myself "why are you made up of lies?"
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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Lies
The topic has to be about feelings in my life. Because, without self reflections nothing can shine through to look back at me. My shadows seem to grow every single day and so does my shame. I hate whenever those who express themselves use my name. I will just learn to hate if they keep up at this rate. I feel determined enough to go through my daily life and finish the love I've got all I have to do is destroy their fate. Show them how beautiful lies make good moments last. Time goes by slow a year becomes 7 days and the past is just a blur. Life sometimes seems to lag but at that moment you find yourself right past all the mistakes you've already done. The words of famous quotes and lyrics begin to fill your mind. Your inspiration goes away listening other artists and forgetting about how fake you are. If only you choose once again to make lies come true.
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Friday, August 14, 2009

I'm nothing
I stare right through your brown discusting eyes.
I scare you...
In your mind you can only think "why does he stare at me?"
I'm sick of you and your conceded self taking away important parts of the life made of gold.

"Hey..."
I say with love to my girl.
Her brown eyes perfect for her skin tone.
She's the only person that made me realize how pretty the sky was.
I tune out and stare right up.

"Bleh you fucking bitch"
You played with my feelings and now I'm going to make you suffer. I feel so fucking sick inside my stomach.. Your presence makes me sick.

"I love you" she tells me.
I ignore those words and keep the conversation going. "Why?" I can only wonder why someone would love such a fiend like myself.

In the end I just realize I'm nothing.
And that bitch deserves to die.
And my love deserves to grow.
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Saturday, August 8, 2009

Mairin Pt. 2
So... this is what i see... on the other face you've got..
leaving me behind all these walls alone.. and I can only think of once where it was you to make me suffer.. but now this time my suffering hurts more a little more than tears. here you leave me with a drunk a mother in tears and a sister gone. I feel completely okay with what has happened now.. now that he's gone but Mairin you can always come back to me.. and here I lie by myself staring back. walking through the rooms that bring me so many different memories and I hate myself for all the times i wasn't mature enough to keep up to love. so now i drive right through the nigh enjoying the dark hitting love as much as I can. Stop promising me that everything will be okay but slowly do i realize the problem is mine and not yours... so live me here so i can join me and myself... so selfish when I ask.. why God?? why me? but, he's a father I'd rather let watch as I try to get up.. too much pride to even be held down or even give up..

© 2009 eske


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