Sunday, January 18, 2009

Shining Light
When does a light not shine?
when is it so dim it cannot light?
I've wondered if there's a light in the dark that no one can see. Through my thoughts and as I walk I'll always seek that light that doesn't shine. Ever since I was so young my own name was a mystery to me. Even if I found it now it still confuses me is that really who I am? I highly doubt it, I can't be that person I found. My first choice was to change the way things go. First thing I did is save the friends I could and abandon those who would corrupt me if I kept them close. Everything is just here and there because I was the one who put it there. I made sure of all of this to go the way I wanted. Till one day I had a dream and someone said "They believe that you shouldn't be where you are" and I thought why?" neither do they think you should had made it this far" and I laughed and smiled and said "why?". Right then I heard a voice coming from a room "you're talking too much come back inside" and I felt the need to go so I said goodbye. At that moment I kissed her in the forehead and walked away looking back in every step. She looked so lonely just staring back but I felt nothing right then. When I walked in the room I colored everything the way I wanted to. Making the walls red and black a warm feeling that always comes to mind. The room was dark and empty and I didn't know who's voice I had heard. I was alone and everything was two colors red and black. My hands were stained by the color red as I looked at them with my daily habit. The person I can become is not the one I'll choose to be but rather forced to be I thought. Suddenly I felt a breeze of cold icy water hitting me. Even though inside it seemed like the color was made of water and simply watercolor. Everything was washed out and in the air I smelled a fresh smell of Rose and as I looked around it was all clean and I was outside. My house in front of me with its pink brick and white lining. In front of me against the wall there was a Rose bush and I was pouring water on its roots like I had done every other day. And, when I went down to look at the flower closely it was a red I've never felt before. So absorbing and yet so gentle I knew what it asked. A gentle murder of my soul but I thought "impossible" my soul can't die so easily. so my eyesight went away so blind I could hear everything around me as clear as something not real because nothing could be clearer than that. I heard a voice and that voice gave me two choices either to see all lies or to be blind forever and so I chose to be blind because seeing lies would be like seeing things that aren't real therefore the world that I call mine would just be part of my mind and nothing would be real. A Rose would smell the same as the floor because nothing would be there. 3 times I chose the blinding truth I could hear rather than the thriving lie.
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