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myOtaku.com: usagi sohma


Sunday, November 30, 2008

   c'est le vie
I have been going over and over certain things in my head. Such as:

Am I a good daughter?
Am I even so much as a decent friend?
Could I continue on with school given the chance?
Why do I feel compelled to lie to people?
Is my very life a farce?

I feel lost in it all. As if the energy it takes is too much and I just want this to be over. Like waiting for a punishment for something you've done wrong. You sit there and become anxious. And you simply wish that your parent will walk in, administer the discipline and have done with it. But unlike with those moments this is life. I cannot simply hurry it along until things are over and done with. The anxiety makes me feel like throwing up sometimes. It doesn't seem to matter what changes in my life, either. It is all still there.

Some days I wish that I would be in a fatal car accident. Or at least one that would render me unconcious or brain-dead. Then it would be over. Then I could finally relax.
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