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Female
Member Since
• 2003-10-30
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• Cashier, but a glorious one!
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Anime Fan Since
• Jan. 2003
Favorite Anime
• Fruits Basket, though the manga is so much better
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• reading, writing, hiking, buliding computers, driving nowhere, shopping
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• Writing realistic fiction and reading people
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Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Christmas Blues
I am getting into my Christmas mood again. I hate Christmas and all the trimmings. I have since I was tweleve and Dad kinda shattered it for me. Ever since then I have been on my own for Christmas and I hate that. I mean, there has been one Christmas that hasn't been too bad since, but other than that . . .
And then there was a couple of Christmases ago when I almost commited suicide. That was fun. Ever since Christmas has sucked in a more than major way. And this year I am truly dreading it. I don't want any Christmas b/c I hve this horrible feeling that it won't last and that everything will go wrong like it has for soo long. It's like my birthday. It sucks too. I have had bad borthday sfor as long as I have had bad Christmases. This year was the first one in which I truly enjoyed myself in a long while.
Maybe I am just really pessimistic or maybe I am cynical, though both tend to come in a package set. I need an uplifting Christmas. I want to go out and do things and have a real Christmas, not just a day where we hang out but an eventful month. I miss that. That, not all the trimming were Christmas for me. Now Christmas has become a day to curl up in bed and ignore the rest of the world.
God, I am more depressed now than I was.
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