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Thursday, July 29, 2004


   Back in it again
*sigh* my two weeks of freedom is over and now I'm back in the mess only now I have desided not to give in to anything and to build my body well. the sorrow thing is that I ahve lost alittle tast for candy and dosen't like it as much as before. Well I also dislike tht computers aren't that available as I would want them to be. the absolute sadest thing is that i got no program to chat with like MSN, AIM or YSM.

to conclude my little blogg entry I will just say it is going well on its way up when it comes to getting into this soldier thing :D.

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Wednesday, July 14, 2004


   FREE!!!
I'm finally free from the millitray. only for two weeks but yet its two weeks of wounderfull freedom.

Thanks to all this freedom I have much forgotten about this site but found it again now today. I got to say that I don't have much to write as I have been very lazy and done almost nothing during my free time if you don't count the training I keep up.

yepp thats all. just wanted to write so you know that I'm not dead or something of the like.

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Wednesday, June 30, 2004


soon another break.
*sigh* yet I feel that this is heavy stuff..The Army!. damn, I promiss I ahve walked over 1000 miles just these three days if not more and the 20 kg backpack doesn't help either. well the best part is that I get training 30 sit ups, 30 push ups and almost 30 in every other normal thing that you can think of...well atleast 30 in everything some times more.

sorry if it sounds like complaining or bragging but damn I'm proud that I can go through with it :D.

I'm alittle sad though that when I was home on this weekend no one (exept marshu) was online.

now I think that was all for now... I don't wanna bore you all with all those hours of marshing and so. well cya all and have fun:D ;).

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Monday, June 21, 2004


The Army week one
Now I have been in the army for a whole week and its not so bad as I thought. It all thanks to a photo I got in my locker. Her smile kinda gives me the will to go on, it helps me in the morning as I get up all tired at 5:30 am *sigh*.
to be honest all we have done is marching and had lessons in "how to treat a wounded". I'm lucky to be able to get the hold of a computer every time I don't got evening dutie which would help alot if gaia could work properly.

I can't waist all my time sitting here and tyoe everything that have happened as I barely got much time left to sitt on the comp so I say good bye and I miss you all very much. especialy you Cai (girl on the photo) hope to speak soon again. bye

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Thursday, May 27, 2004


life is good but troublesome
Yepp yepp my life is still looking up only its kinda frustrating having no one to share it with. D.A.N and I usualy only play games and talk filosfy so enjoying it there is hard. Vamp is abit grumpy since I forgot to call him and ask him if he wantd o come down and watch some rented movies or go to troy, My bad I must say but I hope he have forgiven me.

exept from that i am free now till tuesday or maybe I have english tomorro, I'm not sure so i might go up and go to the lesson anyway.
I must not forget to tell that I found out that cupcake was the same as the swedish muffin only wiht some good extras :P

Sirius is also back from cypress and we're planing to have a smaler party this weekend so there will be no internet for me then maybe on the evening but not much more.

My time is also counting down to the military, its only 3 weeksT-T.
With all bads comes a good, After the army my dad have planed a U.S trip and I'm gonna stay there a year :D. so I'm already looking foreward to the army's end.

thats all for me.

"where ever you go, there you are!"

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Tuesday, May 25, 2004


Finally some upgoings
I can finally see an happy end to school and that makes me feel better. But I do have to say that I wouldn't have seen it if it wasen't for friends both off- and online that helped me by only speaking to me.

So now I have that downfall rid off. It feels kinda good :D.
on other notes Tomorro Sirius is comming home from Cypress wher he have been now for a week and not only that tomorro will also be my first day of eating cupcake. I'm so looking forward to it. the cupcake I mean, Sirius can stay in cypress for how long he wants its kinda been nice without him:S. I also got garlic bread for dinner today, I love garlicbread but hate garlic strangly enough, I'm wierd so there isn't really anybetter explonation that just I'm wierd. Allthough the day have been as boring as ever I'm kinda in a good mood which even shocks me. It might be clairs comment or it may just be that I finally got something out off my system.Who know?

Now I'm off to enjoy my nice mood by sitting here and wait for online friends to come on or something like that so I can spread some joy XD.

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Monday, May 24, 2004


In the midle but still lost
Well my life is currently down...as usual. All though I put a mask on not to hurt my friends or close once, its bad enough that I am down I wouldn't want to pull them down aswell. I feel like I am alone even though I'm surounded by people that are my friends and family. Like I'm the centrol core of what happens but only one who is there and makes it happen not the one that participate in he event. I feel slowly getting shut out from myself and everyone else. So I'm starting to become that mask that I put on to not hurt people, all empty and hollow just containing pain, anger and sorrow but with the looks of happyness, delight and empathy. Things don't look up as I'm going on a school trip with only the class, no teacher atending. In the mood I'm in today and have been the lates few days Its gonna be a drag.

Bu hey I'll try to continue my life and all the people that live around me will probobly live too weather or not I live through it.

"No one is more the just a memory but if their lucky their memory will live in the heart of another"

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Sunday, May 16, 2004


   The downing
The life right now is a real downwer. its not lokoing up one bit, not even a good joke can get me laughing anymore. TO be truely honest, I thinking I'm becoming depressed and I have no real clue why. I have my hunches but I do not want to state them here as some people might get hurt. To describe the feeling I'm having all day is hard. Its like slowly being pushed towards a stake that is aim for my heart without me being able to stop it or like I'm heading for the end of the road in extreamly slow speed.

Many friends also seem to be more or less using me or well it feels like it. feels like its not actualy me they want only my service as a friend or any of the things I own.

well to sume things up. I'm low and have a slight feeling to just sleep the days away not caring of anything.

so I hope this will change or I might just end it here.


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Monday, May 10, 2004


   Why-o-Why
Why is it always like this on the end of terms*sigh*. Lots of test and if that doesn't bring one down there is always tones of homework. To late exed the limit, you try to be with friends to bring some light to you life in tease kinda hours but no then you miss a homework and they add 10 cause you missed it.

Well exept from school as you may understand it all was about I have actualy tried to balanced things and kinda made it.

I ahve been with friends now this weekend both for school reasons and that reasons for clearing your mind and have some fun. I have tested Kendo up in Swedens 3rd bigest town. I was fun as hell although there wher one of the teachers there who slamed a stick in Waterfalls(my friend) head. He still complains about it but I was like "its Kendo, its purpes is to hit people with a stick".

well exept from that i kinda am missing a person who I haven't talked to in weeks, she knows who she are :p.

so that is al from me and hopefully I survive this hard persiod and can write more.

"life goes up and down, especialy when you jump"

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Monday, May 3, 2004


   Can you run out of life?
As the topic says
I Have had that question in my head ever since I was up at the Armie company I am suppose to go now the 14 june.

I am kinda very confused with myself right now and I think I'm starting to get multi personaleties or great mood swings for no aparent reason. I scared my friend by acting alittle and well being alittle myself. it was very fun but I also thought that some parts wasen't acting and really a strange part of me......scary.....

Anyway to avoid anymore confusion I'm gonna skip to the info about army I promissed my last entry. The very good news about it is that I will be able to come home almost every weekend and I'm totaly free week 29 and 30.
exept from that I have no spare time. so that will be the time I'm going to be contactable.

and back to the daily life. I rented a hong kong movie ot rather my friend rented it. it is called "resurection of little match girl" and it was outerly confusing. I got lost numerous times in it. I have also tried to visit some parties but they all turned up either full,imature or none excisting. just my luck, eh?

so now I sitt here a monday evening and write this. I will probobly also sit up till 2 or 3 am tonight as I don't start school untill 3 pm tomorro XD.

"Having problems only show your normal" - anonymous psykologi doctor

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