Wednesday, November 10, 2004

So Long For Now

Sorry to tell you ppl but i wont be updating for a while...im at my brothers right now and he doesnt have high speed internet...sorry if i dont make it to your sites either...yep...this bites hard..im in the process of moving from foster care to be back with my mother abd im still not sure thats a good idea but my mother seems to think it is...so im just trying to please her...sorry monkey i know youd be disappointed with me for my dumb decision..oh vell..ciao ppl for while..and when i say a while i mean..a WHILE..yep try atleast a month and a half..until i can buy my own computer..*sighs* im so depressed because of that...GRRRRRR...

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Tuesday, November 9, 2004

[INSERT BAD WORDS HERE]

Hmmmm....ok I'm a bit peeved right now...hate to vent but this is my [INSERT BAD WORD] site and i can do what i want...*calms down a bit* How could i have been so stupid..i'm so humiliated right now...*sighs* Freakin' jerk! I hate you soooooo MUCH!! Don't know why i should be jealous that you have a girlfriend all of a sudden...it's really not like me...but [INSERT BAD WORD] man! You tell me stuff..and promise things...then you turn around after a while that i'm away from the world and tell me you have a darn girlfriend...-_-* Ok..i'm fine now...no really i am...I'm just back at being a cold hard "witch" P.S. If i don't get to your sites today..don't get mad *says in infomercial voice* GET GLAD!..No really..i have to be in court plus i'll be gone all day..so yeah...Anywho..Read my poem and comment on it from yesterday..Ciao ciao!

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Monday, November 8, 2004

POETRY POSSE

I've been gone for quite some time..because i was banned from the computer for a while..and finally today i got permission to come back on..but i'm limited to an hour a day...-_-* It snowed here for a good 15 minutes..but unfortunately not enough to cover the grass..and while i was still in my pj's i took my cats outside to explore..yesterday i got new shoes and a nice Spongebob tee that i happened to have gotten from the little boys section...heh heh heh I spoke to my mother about the X-Box crystal edition..that happens to come with FABLE!!! *squeals* And she said i would get for my birthday..YIPPEE!!! Anywho..i get to spend the day with her tomorrow...after i go to court and talk to her lawyer..*rolls eyes* Don't ask... Well enough about me..and i only have a half hour left..so i'll post my poem.. DISBELIEF I sometimes forget to breathe, As i sometimes can't hear my heart beat, It pains me to open my eyes, Just to realize, That i've survived another day, And that i must relive its torture again, Eyes red and lids feel like lead, Can't take it and i feel restless, So i crawl from my bed, To step in front of the mirror, Despising every inch of what i see, That disgusting imitation of me, Cheeks sunken in, beaten and tired, Scars that occupy every space of my arms, I cover my eyes, saddened by disbelief, That i must again relive the torture, Of being me...

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Thursday, November 4, 2004

POETRY POSSE

Ok..i have to do this quick..the parent has a doctors appointment and is out at the moment..And i just can't seem to stay away from you guys for long *sighs* I went to the psychiatrist's on tuesday..and he prescribed me these pills called Celexa...I spoke to him for a good hour..well he was the one asking me questions. I answered him yet it felt like he wasn't really listening..and i got peeved...Anywho yesterday was my first day on them and let me tell you i didn't feel well at all...My limbs were all shaky, i wanted to puke, my head was spinning...and i ended up falling asleep on the images of butchered animals..and now i've decided not to eat anything that was slaughtered...That means no more meat*thinks to self* Should have done that a long time ago...Well that's it for now..about me that is. Now for the poem [CAUTION: EXTREMELY DEPRESSED...So you might want to watch out for the puddles of tears and blood..don't want to slip and hurt yourself now] CLAIMING DEFEAT My tears have long dried upon my face, As i lay here in bed awake, Questioning life in general, Trying to figure out my purpose, I am like a puppet with broken strings, Lost without my puppeteer, I seek comfort and strength, In need of someone to keep me sane, Humans are weak, i agree with that, And i'm tired of playing the hero, i'm done with it, i'm through I'm raising the white flag, And i'm claiming defeat, Now don't forget to kick me while i'm down, 'cause that's what society does best, But if there is someone out there, Somebody willing to listen and understand, I beg of you to please let me know, So i don't have to wallow in self pity anymore...

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Wednesday, November 3, 2004

POETRY POSSE

Before i share my poem with you guys i just want to say that i'm not suppose to be on the computer...But the parent is gone and so i took advantage of this time alone in the house. Yesterday was nice..i spent a whole after noon and evening with my father...we went to go see the movie The Grudge..Ummm it was suppose to be scary but i kept laughing at so many poarts of it..i was practically giggling throughout the whole movie ^_^ Before yesterday...i watched the movie Rugrats Go Wild and Tomb Raider-The Cradle of Life..on the movie channel...the rugrats had me in stiches..i love cartoons..anywho and it was in the Lara Croft movie where i realized that..in all american films if they shoot a movie at night and show the moon..it's always FULL!!! There are others phases besides a full moon...-_-* The movie was still alright... Now for my poem...I was a bit angry when i wrote this..so don't be disturbed..actually GET disturbed *laughs like a maniac* RIP YOU TEAR YOU I want to lash out at your face, Peel the skin from your skull, Tear your flesh between my teeth, Gouge your eyes out with my nails, I want to rip you apart limb by limb, Make you suffer make you scream, Savor your last ragged breath, And once i'm done playing with you, I'll merrily dig you a grave, Exactly three feet wide and six feet deep, Where your dissected parts will be dumped, And you will have eternal sleep...

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Monday, November 1, 2004

ZzzzzZzzzzzZzzzz....

Holy crapola!!! I'm sooo tired right now...went out for Halloween...It was fun..except for the part where it down poured on us all night..and my shoes were soaked. Mind you i adore the rain but it felt as if i was walking in puddles..O_o* Wait i think i did that...i was also jumping in them getting everyone wet *snickers* Yep got home took off my shoes and socks right away...my toes looked like little prunes! Heh heh heh All wrinkly and blue...Ewww Got two bags of candy...one bag mostly of chips..i hate chips..I did get alot of twix bars and tootsies..I LOVE TOOTSIES!!! Yet, i think i ate too many of them cause now my head is spinning and i feel as if i'm going to hurl...Perhaps i'm diabetic..*knocks on oak* I hope not... HA HA HA HA HA!! I still feel sooo bad for this kid that was handing out candies...Me and my big mouth *smacks forehead* He opens the door and..he just looked so much like a girl with his long hair..he was so cutesy..and well it went something like this; *house is dark and i trip down steps nearly killing myself Me:"Sheesh this house is haunted..." *boy opens door* Me:"And look it's haunted by a girl" Mek: *gasps* [INSERT MY NAME]!!! *boy stares blankly and shoves candy in Kassy's and Mek's bags* (Kassy is Pepperpippin and Mek is Nightcrawler) Kassy:"Hey you're the guy who let me use your bike once at school" Boy:"Yeah..." Me thinking:"Oh shit..i hope he didn't hear me call him a girl" *Kassy and Mek run off* Me:"Wait! Don't leave me alone..." *boy chuckles and shakes head while i stare at the steps* Boy:"Here you go!" Me:"Errr...thanks?" Boy:"No problem" *He smiles and closes door and i go on with my night* Hey could you guys do me a favor and go visit my kid sis' site..She goes by the name of Nightcrawler...and believe me her site has nothing to do with her name..heh heh heh Oh yes almost forgot..SIGN HER GUESTBOOK S'IL VOUS PLAIT!!!! [English Translation] PLEASE!!!

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Saturday, October 30, 2004

Poetry Posse

-SILENCE- I open my mouth to explain, With a wave of your hand, You silence me, An irritation grows within, You see it painted on my face, Shouting threats, You silence me again, I do something wrong, You shake your head as you disagree, Once again silencing me, Always making me question myself, Hating the silence you've given me, But don't worry, I won't be a burden anymore, Now that i'm dead, Don't you wish you would have listened, When you silenced me instead... -END-

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Friday, October 29, 2004

THANK YOU THANK YOU

Thank you all who commented on my last post..i was really going crazy..and i appreciated all the kind words that you've left me...I appologize if i was a little overdramatic. Well Monkey...if you come on my site before i speak to you again and you read this..Just wanted to say thanks a bunch for listening to me ramble..you know just in case you thought i was being ungreatful. Other than thanking friends...ummm life is still quite unbearable....But who's complaining..heh heh heh *scratches back of head*

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Thursday, October 28, 2004

Weird Fortune

My fortune for today is to stay away from negative ppl..now tell me...How does one stay away from oneself? Social worker came over and kept asking me so many idiotic questions...After our meeting i could hear her and my parent mock me...And they're telling me to be more mature...SOMEBODY END MY LIFE FOR I CAN NOT GO ON ANYMORE!!! I WAS NOT MEANT TO BE....I was not meant to exist...

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I'm Obsessed

It's currently 2am here and i snuck upstairs to the porch to steal a few looks at the night sky..I must say, the sky is as clear as i've ever seen it in ages..And the moon is directly above my roof..So bright and majestic..*sighs dreamily* I'm so drawn to nature's beauty..Just staring at the night sky..breathing in that clear and crisp cold air..makes me so greatful of just being.

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