Friday, December 24, 2004

ravings from a lunatic. BWAHAHAHA
well i haven't posted since around tday, so i thought id do that. its xmas eve and pretty much nothing is going on. we're leaving for the not-liked-so-much-grandparents' house in like 10 minutes so this should be pretty short. but ill probably post sometime soon in order to tell people about me. HA. okay okay okay sooo... i think that its pretty funny that i celebrate xmas, like a lot of the world does, and i have pretty much denounced all christian/catholic beliefs. but i dont think that xmas is really a religious holiday anymore. i mean most of the people who celebrate it dont go to church regularly or are in any way religious.. they just celebrate it because its christmas! for real! same with me.. and the same goes for easter and stuff. i personally believe in many gods, and i bet you haven't met a polythesistic person in quite some time. though i believe this, i don't know their names or how many there are or what each one's job is or how they came about or ANYTHING really. i just know that they're there and it gives me a sense of peace. thats why religion was created isnt it?? so that people have something to believe in and something to comfort them and give them piece and state of mind? yep thats the reason. a couple of weeks ago my dad dropped me off at the bus stop (im so spoiled) and when i watched him drive away i got this sickly fear that i wasn't going to see him again. let me tell you; i felt like throwing up. but it passed rather quickly, for which i was grateful. and that got me thinking about death and whatnot; which i havent done in a while. because im not afraid of death. theres this scary ...truly frightening notion, that when you die everything is just black, and its like a switch has turned you off and you just dont exist anymore. and that is very very scary thought. i had thought that it would be like sleeping; but i thought about it in this new way and i admit that i scared myself and i was upset that i was letting this get to me. and i thought about it. and what i think is that it is impossible for something not to exist. in fact i have always believed that EVERYTHING exists. that there are infinity dementions ; that jillions upon trillions of new dementions are created every second. every dream that you have ever dreamed, is real, in one demention. every creature, every fantasy love, every movie, every book, every anime and manga...it all exists in one demention. in fact, though it doesnt apply directly to what im proposing here, i dont remember who it was who said it but the classic words come to mind. "i think, therefore i am." i had played with this idea for quite some time before realizing that someone had already come up with it and lo and behold i finally understood that quote above. see its like this: a unicorn exists, because i can think of one. therefore it at least exists in that state; in my mind; get it? if i can think of something, then it must exist (even if just in thought) but i've gone further than that... and i truly believe in pretty much everything. i believe in magic.. although i wouldn't call it "believing" more like i'd call it knowing. magic is everything you think it wouldn't be. how do people live? because your heart beats. what makes a heart beat??? this is one form of what i fondly refer to as magic. but i believe that it exists in the other states as well, how most people think when they hear that word. like the harry potter, wizard witch sorcerer demon type of magic that mostly only young children believe in. but sometimes i think that most of it has been locked away somewhere; in those other dementions that we can't get to. i think that maybe some elite person will be able to jump dementions one day; utilize their entire gray matter of their brain perhaps. of perhaps im just rambling uncontrollably. who really knows? but the magic was locked away...most likely by humans who were afraid of it.. because lets face it.. most humans do not accept magic, they fear it. and it is those who cannot use it; those who, perhaps, wanted to be more powerful. i don't know. im not sure really. it could all be in my mind; just making up fantasies to sastisfy my craving for the world that i would like to reawaken. but then, by my former theory, it still exists doenst it?

aaah. okay that was long. of course i didnt write that all in those 10 minutes i said earlier.. i saved it and then came back and continued.

well.. now that you've read this, perhaps you can offer your thoughts or beliefs or comments on mine. im very open minded and i would love to hear anything anyone has to say. even if its that im a crazy raving lunatic and that you hate me. opinions should be heard. give me yours. ^_^ well happy holidays.
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