Friday, January 27, 2006

My life is a museum
Well, i just spent about 30 minutes playing my guitar. 20 of which i was sitting on the floor, the other 10 i was laying on the ground with the guitar on my chest. It was kinda strange, but it felt good at the same time. I had fun. But i won't lie, it wasn't the first time i've done that.

It always seems like there are things just out of reach in my life...and the only thing that holds me back is myself....ultimately anyways. I read a poem for mrs. mark's class called the cat. If you're in the class you can read it, it's in the folders she passed out....on second thought, here's the poem:

Outside it was night
like a book without letters.
And the eternal dark
dripped to the stars through the sieve of the city.

I said to her
do not go
you'll only be trapped
and bewitched
and will suffer in vain.

I said to her
do not go
why want
nothing?

But a window was opened
and she went,

a black cat into the black night,
she dissolved,
a black cat in the black night,
she just dissolved

and no one ever saw her again.
Not even she herself.

But you can hear her
sometimes,
when it's quiet
and there's a northerly wind
and you listen intently
to your own self.

I feel like the window's open...i just can't allow myself to jump through it. Unfortunately, where i differ from the cat, i would be the white cat....

::cough:: emo ::cough::

Was i?

Aaaaanyways. Once again, even though it sounds like i'm down, i'm not. I'm not a very emotional person...when it comes to small things. (Un)fortunately i consider most everything small. I am a big guy after all, har har.

Maybe i'm just too big to fit through the window? .....i could make the squeeze, i just won't allow myself to.

I don't know what i want.

Oh, do you guys like my new name? Here's a hint to make sense of it.
Never
Interrogate
Celtic
Killers
Of course that really doesn't make any sense, i'm just being ridiculous, haha. Ridiculous. RIDICULOUS. Sorry, a friend really hates that word...though he's not on myspace, so it's really pointless to repeat that word.....ridiculous.

Road....ro-ad.....ROAD.... < < from a movie, haha.

There aren't things i want, only someones. ...ok, that was a lie, there are things i want. Hehe.

I've always strived to be different...it's depressing when you realize different is the norm.

Want some oxycotin? Or X? Today i discovered about half of my AP english class have used illegal drugs or have been drunk in the past year. It was funny....but only a tiny bit surprising.

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away, but now it seems they're here to stay....

And, i really don't feel like writing this thing anymore...actually i just don't feel like you should have to read anymore. So, later.
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Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Where are my big boy pants?
Life's full of changes, the only thing you can be sure of is that nothing's going to stay the same, blah blah blah change blah life. I'm sure i've said that all before at one point or another, and i still believe it. Things keep changing, there's no doubt about it.

Most notably me and ari are going through some big changes. Things have happened, and i'm confused about it all as i always am, i guess we'll just see what happens. Eh, but i won't go into details, anybody that needs to know already does know.

Sometimes i like to feel insignificant, there's a lot less pressure on ya. You guys should try it sometime, all you have to do is realize how many people there are in the world now, in the past, and in the future. Then you feel small and insignificant. You get lessed stressed about what's been stressin' ya. Or so that's how i feel. Of course it's not a great feeling to linger on, so then you gotta realize that even one person can make a world of difference. So either way, just go out and live life trying to be happy and trying not to do anything you'll later regret. But don't expect to be perfect either my friends, we are human after all.

Man, i never would've guessed this site would have changed my life so drastically....i met ari through it. I made lots of other friends through it as well. I wonder if it'll affect my life in any more ways....

Later everyone.
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Friday, January 6, 2006

Hey Baby ::wink::
How's everybody tooooday? I'm dandy.

School's been at least interesting. Here's my schedule!

1. AP English IV
2. Ap Calculus
3. Art 1
4. Symphonic Band

Booya baby.

AP English is gonna be tough, lots of reading and stuff. But luckily i know most of the people in the class, and a good friend's in there, but i see a loooot of him, sooooo i'm not super enthusiastic about it.

AP Calc has 4 people in the class...that's right, 4. In that class i feel sort of like an outsider, i don't really talk too much. Eh, but it's math and i'm a natural, so it's alright.

Art's interesting. I have it with my little freshman brother, Alex. He's alright, and i don't mind being in a class with him. I don't particularly like the teacher though, she's kinda dumb...in my opinion. And it's friggin' art, she was giving us vocab words and making us take notes....IN ART! ::gasp:: Eh...i might change out of it...i don't think i will, who knows.

Band's band...but i do have a friend that i haven't been able to talk to much since marching band's been over in the class, so that's cool.

So...that's how i feel about my very very last semester of high school evar. Yep....

Hmmmm....i plan on seeing Ari this summer, one way or another. I'm going to get a car, i'm going to be 18...who's gonna stop me? Hahaha. Maybe we can go camping? That'd be....coooool.

College....still stressing me out, but i've figured it would until i get out of it in a little over 4 years. And...maybe longer? Who knows. I gotta apply to some more colleges.

Well, that's all i got for now, later.

Love ya ari ::kiss::
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Monday, January 2, 2006

Breathe easier, nick...
I woke up this morning....my body, my entire upper torso was itching...so horribly. I was twitching, fromt the stress that i've brought upon myself, and the itch...the damned itch, it's from the stress as well. I know it is because right when i started righting this post it started again when it had stopped for awhile. It's 7:14cst right now and i can't get back to sleep. So i decided to fucking take care of what's been causing my stress. But first i had a strange urge to right about my situation. I suppose i wanted to get it off my chest....

I tried thinking about Ari to calm myself back down and get back to sleep. For the first time in a long time it didn't work...all i could think about was how far away i was from her, and how much i wanted to get to her, that didn't help me. I had to simply tell myself, "nick, calm down....you'll be fine, freaking out doesn't help..." I finally rationalized that i needed to get myself the hell out of bed and do something. At least me waking up now will make me want to go to bed at a more regular hour. Ari's been getting on to me about that.

Ari....i love her so much. I don't know if any of you have ever been so far away from somebody you loved so dearly for such a long time. It's not easy at all. Although sometimes all i think of is how hard it is for me, and not how hard it is for her. She seems so strong sometimes, which is quite a contrast to my behavior. ::hugs ari and doesn't let go:: If you were here now, i'd probably hug you and not let go for a couple hours...

Eh, that was just ranting, don't anybody freak out. I'll be just fine. I mean it, i'll be ok.

I made a playlist on my iPod called 'Ari's music'. I'm listening to it now. It's composed of all the music she's sent me and any music that reminds me of her. Haha, silly ari.

::hug:: i love you ari.
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Sunday, January 1, 2006

Ohhhhh six
Happy New Years!!!

Well everybody, it's the new year! ....holy hell, i graduate this year. 0____0 Hahahaha, i remember first figuring out what year it was i was going to graduate back in elementary school. It felt like such a long way away, i thought i'd never make it. But here i am! Man....a lot has changed.

My New Year's Resolutions:
1. Procrastinate less
2. Work out daily
3. Eat better

I spent my new years with the kitty, big surprise there. I talked to her on my microphone. It was pretty cool, i like making her laugh. I just wish i could hear the laugh. I think she's gonna get a mic, that'd be pretty cool. I could hear her super cute voice all the time!! ::dance::

Well, i hope everyone had a happy new years, later.

::hug:: i love you Ari!!
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Friday, December 30, 2005

A no B no C no D no....YZ!!!! Marrz?
Ultimately it is love that matters...and that is what keeps me sane sometimes.

Well, i'm sure you guys are confused about the title, except for Ari. Well, i'm not saying anything, but it's possible to figure it out. Bahahaha. Shutup! o___0

Ah, so new years eve is tomorrow, i have absolutely no plans, but i imagine i'm going to spend it with Ari! OOoooo, maybe we can countdown, get drunk, and pretend to have premiscuous sex! That'd be a good new years to me. Haha, so what're you guys all doing???

My sister came downstairs yesterday and grabbed one of my old ACT study books and opened it up and asked if she could borrow it. I was like, sure, but let me go through it first. So i opened it up and pulled all the stuff out that wasn't needed.....i found my passport o_0 Hahahahaha, how the hell did that get there?! It was quite funny, we joked that maybe my lost permit was there too. Hehe. I wouldn't have been surprised if it was.

Well, that's it for me, later everyone.

::kiss:: i love you ari muches!!!

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Wednesday, December 28, 2005

There's only one thing you can be sure of about life, it keeps changing.
Man, it's been a while since the last post. A looooot has happened. Some good stuff, some bad.

I'm on christmas break!!! Agh, this is the least christmasy break i've ever broke. But i don't mind! I still got my one and only love to keep me company! Agh, i love her so much!

I've gotten a better feel for her since my last post, in the physical sense mostly. I finally know what she looks like! o_0 ^____^ She's so purdy. I'm so jealous of myself, gawd i'm lucky. She has the cuuuutest voice too! I just heard it not but an hour ago for the first time. >.< Makes it harder to be so far away from her, yet it makes me feel closer to her at the same time. ::kisses for ari::

Let's talk about christmas for a sec. Let me take you on an adventure into the land of thacker. o__0 Haha. Ok, first off, we didn't have a christmas tree...you see, in the land of thacker everyone is unbearably lazy. We didn't even put up a christmas tree! That's lazy. Hehe, instead my mom put lights up around a house plant we had that was off in a corner. Then, christmas night we stayed up kinda lateish so my dad didn't wrap the presents! He was like, screw this ::puts some brown boxes under the tree:: i'm going to bed.

Now, let's see here. My brother and sister, alex and heather, both got iPods. Gah! Now 3 of the 4 thacker children have ipods! I feel so unoriginal! We went to the dentist the other day and we were sittin' there waiting to be called, i was like...i'm not listening to my ipod, alex and heather are! If i do it too then it'll be like we're a bunch of rich snobs! Aaaaaanyways, me and my brother, zack, got money. Mainly because we didn't really have anything in mind. Well...i did. I had 3 things on my wish list, 2 were too expensive, 1 was....out of reach. You wanna know what they are? 'Course you do!

1. Ari
2. Gibson les pual guitar, preferably black beauty...$3500
3. Laptop

I hope that one christmas i can have #1...i'm sure it'll happen one day.

Last night we talked about something that got me thinkin'...hehe. I reeaaaally love her. I can only see one future for us that would make me happy. Haha, but thinking about such a thing is a little crazy at this point @_@. So i'll stop for now. Hahaha

Well, i don't know what else to say for now. Hopefully i'll start posting more frequently from now on, but i'm lazy so it's still up in the air.

I love you ari! ::kisssss::

____________________________________________________________________


Copeland - Take Care

I'll take care of you oh
Have faith that when you call my name
I'll be there

It was a straight faced lie
I believed
It was a straight faced lie
You would ever leave me
But for now I'll keep believing your words
And soon enough my strength will return

I'll take care of you oh
Have faith that when you call my name
I'll be there
I'll be right there
So keep breathing oh
Keep that sweet heart of yours beating
I'll be right there
I'll be right there

Let me draw the blinds for you
You can watch the sunset from
The bed in your hospital room
Until you're sleeping
I'm sure
I don't understand how I found a love so pure

I'll take care of you oh
Have faith that when you call my name
I'll be there
I'll be right there
So keep breathing oh
Keep that sweet heart of yours beating
I'll be right there
I'll be right there

Don't lift a finger
Let me show you
The only way to let this go
Don't lift a finger
Let me hold you
Hold you here until the pain it has all gone

I'll take care of you oh
Have faith that when you call my name
I'll be there
I'll be right there
So keep breathing oh
Keep that sweet heart of yours beating
I'll be right there
I'll be right there

I'll take care of you oh
Have faith that when you call my name
I'll be there
I'll be right there
So keep breathing oh
Keep that sweet heart of yours beating
I'll be right there
I'll be right there
I'll be right there
I'll be right there
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Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Random shit.
Life is a confusing bitch. Maybe if i just did whatever i wanted it'd be better. Stopped caring about some things so much and just lived how i felt like living. Shit, too bad that's impossible. Let me show you what i mean. I feel like eating junk food all day...unfortunately i don't want to be a fat piece of shit, cuz that's no fun. See what i mean? Here's another example. I want to steal a car and go to ari's place and hang out with her, but then i'd get in huge trouble and fuck up my entire life! ^_^ Sucks...

Oh well, later.
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Monday, December 12, 2005

Ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough...
This is going to be a busy week for me. I have exams and i'm dealing with college stuff. I don't really have much to say though. I'm doing alright. Ups and downs, ya know?

Later.
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Monday, December 5, 2005

Why can't things just stay the way they were?
Life is ever changing. Never does it stop, or slow down it seems. I never get to pause for a moment and truly appreciate what i have until it's gone. You never realize what you have until you lose it. Soon i'll probably even look back on days like today with a longing heart. I miss days i never thought i would. The hard days...those were the best. As odd as that sounds... Those days had purpose, purpose that these days lack. It seems like it gets worse everyday. And it always gets harder.

I don't even know what i want anymore...

I love you Ari.

Later everyone else.
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