Saturday, July 9, 2005

Why Me?
I'm all by myself. YAY no one here to bother me. Here's the next fanfic.
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Note: this vignette is a postlude to "Why?", so if you haven't read "Why?", go read it first, or this will make very little sense.


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Twelve hours after Shen Long granted a baleful wish, a wish that Goku and Vegeta's ten most powerful dead enemies be returned to life for a single night to defeat them, there were those who were less than satisfied with the wish's outcome...

In Hell, a delighted Raditz found a thoroughly miserable Jiisu. The orange-skinned dandy leaned his head in his hands, and muttered to himself, "I will not start a fight with Vegeta. I will not start a fight with Vegeta. Never, never, never again will I start a fight with Vegeta.."

"Well, maybe his learning curve isn't totally flat," Raditz said to himself. Then he yelled gleefully in Jiisu's ear. "HEY! HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE A COMPLETE MORON??"

"Why me?" Jiisu moaned. He raised his head from his hands and glared at Raditz. "Go away. Just go the hell away."

"Now, why would I want to do that? It's way too much fun to kick idiots when they're down! So, tell me, Jiisu--did you really think Vegeta had gotten any weaker since he kicked your butt and sent you to Hell the first time?"

"There were six of us.." Jiisu muttered. Under his breath he added, "there were supposed to be ten of us."

"What's that, Jiisu?" Raditz smirked unpleasantly.

"THERE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE TEN OF US AGAINST THE TWO OF THEM, YOU BASTARD!" Jiisu leaped to his feet, tossing his long white hair back. "No one told us it was going to be seven against five, and that stupid cyborg no help at all! You betrayed us, you son-of-a-bitch!"

"Betrayed YOU?? What in all the hells made you think I was ever with you??" Raditz snarled in Jiisu's face. "Did Vegeta flash-fry your mind along with your body? Vegeta is our PRINCE, you moron--I was his bodyguard, and Nappa was his army commander--he may have his own quarrel with Vegeta, but it's not for outsiders like you to get involved with!"

Jiisu said bitterly, "And the other Saiyan, Goku? I thought he killed you! Why were you helping him?"

Raditz laughed. "You didn't know? You poor bastard! Kakarott--Goku, as he insists on calling himself--is my little brother!" The long-haired Saiyan shrugged. "We had a little misunderstanding back on Earth, but.. that's been straightened out."

Jiisu stared at him, dumbfounded. "Your BROTHER! Oh, gods.." He buried his face in his hands; his voice was muffled. "You Saiyans are all crazy. First you kill each other, then you fight for each other!"

Raditz looked at the ex-Ginyu quizzically. "Um, yeah. That's traditional, though it usually stopped short of death--it used to be kinda difficult to fight for someone if you were dead." He shrugged. "We like to fight, and fighting other Saiyans is the best--you know where you stand, whether it's a grudge fight to the death, or beating the crap out of each other just for fun!" He leaned against the wall. "I'll let you in on a little secret, Jiisu, 'cause I'm such a nice guy--with other Saiyajin, it's for fun 90% of the time, no matter how vicious it looks. 'Course, our fun is rougher than most people's total war--and accidents happen." He smirked.

"And with non-Saiyajin?" Jiisu asked cautiously.

Raditz smiled coldly. "Almost never for fun. That was your mistake--and Zarbon's. At least Zarbon knew better the second time around." He cocked his head and raised an eyebrow. "I think you've made more mistakes than that--how DID you manage to get yourself killed by the same guy in exactly the same way all over again? Are you practicing until you get it right, or what?"

"Damn you! Just shut up, Raditz!" The orange ex-Ginyu snapped his fist forward in a strike at the annoying Saiyan's mid-section--only to have Raditz catch his fist and stop him cold.

"Don't." Raditz grinned wolfishly. "On Earth or on Namek, you'd have me for lunch and be looking around for the main course still--but here, I'm stronger than you."

Jiisu collapsed back to where he'd been sitting when Raditz found him. "Why me? This place makes no sense! I'm a--I WAS a Ginyu! The toughest, baddest warriors in the galaxy, mate! But then your brother with the funny name, Goku, defeats me and takes on CAPTAIN GINYU in an even fight, and Vegeta--VEGETA!--another lousy Saiyan, defeats me--KILLS me, and I'm dead, and we all wind up on that weird little planet, and a bunch of yahoos from EARTH--humans, weak, wimpy humans BEAT US! And now I'm down here in Hell, and a bunch of Saiyans, who would have been speed-bumps before, are stronger than me! This really sucks, mate!"

Raditz smirked. "Welcome to Hell, Jiisu! Congratulations, bright boy; you finally noticed--this place sucks!" He started to walk away, and suddenly stopped and spun around. "Guess what? It's supposed to! We didn't get sent here as a reward, or hadn't you figured that out yet?"

"Why me?" Jiisu wailed.

Raditz looked vaguely thoughtful. "Because you're a murderous little self-centered bastard, and you're dead?" The tall Saiyan shook his head mockingly. "Nah, that couldn't be it. Too obvious."

"No." Jiisu gritted his teeth. "Why are YOU bothering me?"

"It's fun, and I'm an obnoxious bastard--and you are an idiot. Of course, that makes insulting you rather like shooting fish in a barrel--way too easy a target, and you thrash around excessively whenever you get hit." Raditz frowned slightly. "You're so predictable. Push your hot buttons, and your pretty-boy face turns all red and you jump into the fight--no matter how stupid. Vegeta didn't even have to push your buttons to goad you to fight him the second time--you'd already pushed them yourself, moron." Raditz turned on his heel and walked away.

For a few minutes all Jiisu thought of was how glad he was that his tormentor had finally left him alone. Then he slowly realized that for all of Raditz's sarcasm and obnoxiousness, everything the Saiyan had said was true. And he had brought it all on himself. With a sob of despair, he buried his face in his hands again.

* * * *

Somewhere on Earth, a tiny man watched with growing dismay the battle that had unfolded on the tapes from his spy cameras.

"NO, NO, No!" he screamed. "You were supposed to gang up on Goku and the other guy and kill them! You're supposed to be their enemies! They killed you! You're supposed to kill them for revenge, you imbeciles!"

The spy cameras didn't pick up everything, and the audio was particularly poor, but the little man heard enough. "Little brother", the long-haired villain called Goku. "Prince", he called the other hero. "No one kills Vegeta" the big ugly bald villain yelled about the same hero. The tiny man couldn't hear the blue guy's speech, but he saw enough.

"No, no, no! I finally get the dragonballs, and I thought, if I get rid of my worst enemies, I'll be able to collect them and make a wish every year, until I've made all the wishes I want, because there would be no one to stop me, ever again! I could have wished for immortality! I could have wished to be a king, or Emperor of the Earth! I had the perfect plan! WHY ME?" he wailed in impotent rage.


THE END

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