Wednesday, October 29, 2003

I'm so tired of my friends' crap. It's nothing, really, just their behavior. It's annoying. Every frickin day Athena has to keep something from her boyfriend, and every fricken day he has to try to wrestle it out of her hand or hoodie. It's so stupid. The other people I don't even call friends, just aquaintances. Athena's not even my friend, just my buddy. I mainly get in this mood during and after lunch, when I have contact with these people. I want to be left alone, but I don't want to look like a loner or a loser. Maybe I should go back to sitting with Jessica and Mallory. It was more pleasant, even if my presence didin't contribute to anything. I want to be alone, but I don't want to be a loner. I just want to avoid anything social. It's times like these when I really (really really) miss my Ashley. A girl after my own heart (sometimes). She's the only person who I can talk nonstop to (probably to the point of being annoying). The only person I'm really comfortable with. It's like that one silly internet quiz said: You're an outsider because you've seperated yourself from the cesspool of humanity. *sigh* Why did you have to move, Ash? Why does Swansboro have to be so close, and then seem so far away? We have to remedy that, gurl. Invite me over. I'll ask my mom, and I'm sure she'll say yes, and visit her friend over there while I'm visiting you. Screw my dad. That stupid mess is over. If he still wants to keep us from being friends, then screw him. He doesn't have to know. I'm visiting some other friend, Sarah in New Bern. He can't keep me from having any friends at all just because "they influence me" Ok, just because I was writing that notebook to you, doesn't mean you had anything to do with what I was thinking about him! It all came from me. If anything, you encouraged me to improve my relationship with him. Crap. I keep spelling 'from' 'form' and it's getting annoying. Oh, and that bowling thing. I'll see if I can go to that too, even if I don't fit in with the Tae Kwon Doe group. I don't really like groups, though. Especially ones I don't know. You're gonna have a hard time having fun with the TKD people and include me. I'm probably going to be very shy and quiet.

Whatever. The point is, I want friendship, but I'm very picky. And friends like Ashley are rare. This world runs rampent of idiots.
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