Thursday, December 18, 2003

I'm in love with Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy. I absolutly adore Lyra, the main character.

But that's not the main thing on my mind right now. I have a 3-5 page essay to write next period. And, instead of studying for it, I fretted and panicked over it, then read my book to forget it. I put it off until like the last 40 minutes before I went to bed. I had the prompt, and all night to study. I could've written the whole paper, memorized as much as I could, then all I would have to do is regurgitate it next period. But I didn't. Now I plan on doing the best I can with what I remember from the course, what little I studied, and BS the rest. If I get a bad grade, I'll still come out with a B, and it will be ok. After the essay is done, I can just go home and back to my book. It's horrible, but that's what I'm doing. I'm struggling with my fear right now, forcing myself to accept indifference. I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter that much. Who cares if it's 25% of my grade. I won't do that bad, if I jsut take it one paragraph at a time. I couldn't possibly do so horribly that I end up with a C in that class. It's an AP class for cryin' out loud! I'm happy with a B! I have a 94 right now, and I'm going to blow my A because I read my book intead of studying. And I'm forcing myself not to care. It's gonna be OK! I'm totally gonna freak when it comes time to write the essay. I'll just do some serious praying, because God is the only one who can help me now. Then I'll write my essay, and wait for the bell, go home, crawl into bed, and read my book. That's all I can do. I'm not gonna panick, I'm not gonna care.

If you read that whole rant, thank you for your time and patience. I'm sorry if it didn't make much sense, I was more typing to myself. I'm going to be busy during winter break, so I probably won't be able to update for a couple of weeks. I hope you come back when I do.

Happy Holidays! ^_^
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