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Friday, June 16, 2006
This is it
When I first came to the otakui always wondered when would the end of my run be. Would there actually be a Vicious 3. I hadnt thought about that in a long time, but the thought has reoccured. This is my last run. One part of me curses the day I came and the other is glad. The part that is glad, feels that i wouldve never gotten to where I am in my writing if it werent from all the support. The other side that wishes i never came feels that i wouldve never met Vicky and I wouldnt have to write this post. In one way I am glad I met her, because she flourished into this beautiful person but changed so drastically. I tried being her friend, but I have way more than that to give her and she wouldnt take it. She keeps telling me to live life more simple, but its kinda hard to do that WHEN YOUR FUCKING HARD IS CRUSHED!!! I mean it was like she just wanted me to all of a sudden feel better about this like, "yeah, my life is ruined, but lets go to the movies!" Last night I sent her an email just asking what was up, because she is not like herself anymore, i personally think she is brainwashed but just a thought anyway she just avoids the question and tells me how happy she has been for the past few days. Well I figured if she was happy without me then let her be. No hard feelings. It was hard letting go of the best thing that ever happened to me. You couldve told me she made the sunrise and i wouldve believed you. I wish I hadve listened to everyone who told me not to put it all on the line for her, because if i hadve listened i wouldnt feel so ruined right now. She did tell me one time that when it all came down to it, she would choose her happiness over mine, and she felt that i should do the same i guess. But that sounds so damn selfish, you cant tell me thats not selfish. I gave her my all, everything I had, but last night I think she just threw it back in my face. I dont hate for it, really dont understand. I probably never will or will ever want to. I just hope she finds happiness in her "simple" life, because thats it for me. I'm just going to rebuild and make the most of life on this wretched Earth. I just wish I had someone to share this with, just a special someone to spend my life with thats all i wanted from this world. Fuck it, anyway I just want to wish all of you a farewell, I wont delete the site, but this is the last post for now i will say. good luck with everything you guys go into. There are some really talented people here. Farewell
-Lionel
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