Wednesday, October 25, 2006

   new BS in my life
my ex now wants the leave my life forever and i still want to be her firend but its BS that she wants to hurt herself by leaving my subistute teacher told me this when i broke down crying in class cuz of my grampa his exact words are
"the only thing you can hurt away is your self but you can pass that pain to some one else and share it" now i finaly understand it i ewas away from every thing happy back then now i finaly understand his wise words
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   today i had a free day in band
i had av free day in band and i had a little fun i got to watch my performance both of them the one from the concert and the one from the field show on saturday well both were good but i dident see me yes thats good thats why i chose percussion for 2 reasons 1 were the heart of the band 2 i never get seen unless im in the front lol
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Tuesday, October 24, 2006

   well i can only get one for this little bit of time
im back for my concert the one girl that always has to make me laugh is not confused any more lol shes happy with her bf and she missed a call form him at the concert lol she couldent stop laugh about it lol i did make me laugh but im jus happy shes happy her mom still dont knop but mut thats how i like it no one knowing me lol bu i cant have that lol well im sorry i dident get to any of your sites or your pms and janies pm on myspace i miss her so much right now but i love her and i kno shes in my heart now im sure of it thanks to all of you supportive comments on my last post thanks it ment al;ot to me that some people actualy care and those three that did kno who they are thanks to all of you
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Monday, October 23, 2006

lol finaly done
well im done with 2 things i have been confused on wether or not i realy love my gf and i do im sorry i dident tell you janie but now im sure i do im sure i do i jus get to much love and some old memories kick in and then i doubt everything so im sorry if i have been sounding sad alot i
well now im not5 confused any more but i hope those memories dont come back now i kno my friend wont tell me what happened in my past in my past i had done some things im not proud of right now and some i am proud of

well here are some of them im not giving every thing cuz i only kno a little bit of them
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\things im proud of \\\\\\\\\\\\

A: i protected every girl i could even if i costed a coupple of cuts on my body and
B: protected my ex gf for even getting attacked by 10 5th graders when i was in first and i got cut up worse than any fight ever dont kno how much my mind wouldent let my get in to pics of that
C:went quiet and became afraid of my self cuz of some things i dident have control of
\\\\\\\\\\things im not proud of \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
A:i hit a girl stoped it and started protecting them
B:keept hitting my self cuz i hit that girl
C: went so much insane that i died in my ex gfs arms and my last words were i love you to her cuz of all the cuts but was revived some how and all the cuts were gone and my hand went through my ex gfs hair wheni was still dead and i said something
one last thing im proud of
D: after jus getting revived some how i saveds a girl from getting hit and even in my weekness i still won and i fell down after and i got back up and walked back to the nurses office i think it was the nurses office thats all i can rember either it was a dream that replaced my memmories or an actual occourence im not sure but i rember it im sorry that i got confused and thats what unlocked my memories but now i kno i love janie and only her just her i only love that sall for now the future hasent been to kind to me in the pastvso i never looked foward in to the future so now i am but im still looking back at my past so im going to try and hope the future is kind to me this time well thats it im sorry if your crying or confused or are feeling any emotion for me jus try not to im rember little by little and thats good enough for me thats it im going to now make a poem for my gf janie i love you janie so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so much and so very much more


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   well its gonna take some prety powerfull sleeping pills to get me to sleep tonight lol
it gonna take some pretty powerfull sleeping pills to ge tme to sleep why i bet your all asking BECAUSE I HAVE HAD 2 CANS OF NESTAE SWEETENED LEMMON ICE TEA AND I HAVE 4 MOER CANS IN MY ROPOM BUT THEY MIGHT WAIT FOR TOMARROW SO I CAN GO IN TO SCHOOL BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS LOL still nothing much happened today jus talked to my gf jus twiching now this always happenes lol to much twiching cuz i drionk about the whole can with out brerathing but whenim out of breath i stop so no need to worry janie im fine no more twichjing till i drink the rest still have a can sitting in fornt of me and now im gonna to drink it lol here it goes and its dpone in about a minute lol now im still twiching and now i take back what i said to my friend richie i told him no more caffiene and now i have to say that to my self im all out now oh well i will drink them tomarrow lol right now im jus going through all my gf mail i have not erased at myspace and making sur i want to save it or throwit away im only saving her end ones lol its gonna take a while lol i have 162 pages left when i started i had 300 pages lol now im jus going through them lol
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   well nothing happened
jus went by bored art and science and spanish and band i have a concert to go to tomarrow night lol i dident even kno lol but i will be prepared for tomarrow nioght cymbles tho i hate them lol but its better than nothing lol well surprisingly that its nothing else byez
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Sunday, October 22, 2006

   well
now im on for a bit while my dads out picking up some one real quick my bro and sis kept fighting and im getting tired of it so im getting in to it one phrase of words always stops it why i dont kno but im not gonna put them up cuz i think they might affend someone here well joke for todasy my dad printed it out
a guy and a girl met at a bar. they got along so well that thy decide to go back to the girls place. a few drinks later,the guy guy took off his shirt and washed his hands. the girl watched him and said "you must be a dentist " suprised the guy said "yes how did you figure that out?" the girl said "easy. you keep washing your hands." one thing led to another and they made love. afterward the girl said "you must be a dentist." now with an inflated ego, the guy said "yes i sure am. how did you figure that out?" "easy" the girl said. "i dident feel a thing." thats the only joke i have right now hope you laugh at it well my dads probly gonna be back at any time now so i have to say this janie i miss you and love you and i dident get to reply to any one of you messages here ands at myspace im sorry and sorry i wasent on today i was busy my grades suck lol wellz nightz allz byez
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   is it worth it
HAPPINESS

IS IT WORTH GOING THROUGH SO MUCH BULL SHIT JUST TO BE HAPPY
SOME PEOPLE POSE AND THEY ACT LIKE THE FRIENDS YOU WANT
BUT THE FRIEND YOU REALY WANT IS A REAL ONE NO POSER
IS IT WORTH SO MUCH JUST TO BE HAPPY IS IT WORTH SO MUCH BULL SHIT
YOU SHOULDENT HAVE TO GO THROUGH SO MUCH BULL SHIT JUST TO BE HAPPY
LIFE IS LIFE THATS ALL IT IS BUT YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY BUT IS IT REALY
WORHT IT TO HAVE POSER FIRENDS THAT JUST WANT YOU TO GET IN TROUBLE AND JUST WANT YOU TO BE TOUGHT AND ALL THAT IT ISENT IFI HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN BULLSHIT HAPPINESS OR SADNESS ID CHOSE SADNESS ALL OVERE AGAIN I DONT WANNA GO THROUGH SO MUCH BULL SHIT TO BE HAPPY IF THATS HOW HAPPINESS IS SUPPOSED TO BE THEN I WANT SADNESS I DONT WANT TO BE FAKE I DONT WANT TO GET INOT FIGHT JUS BECAUSE MY FAKE FRIENDS WANT ME TO GET MY ASS KICKED I DONT WANT NONE OF THE DONT ABUSE FRIENDSHIP SHARE IT JUS LIKE LOVE IF YOU USE ALL OF YOU HEART AND ABUSE YOU HEART THEN YOU HAVE NO HEART TO LOVE WITH TILL THE PIECES ARE PICKED UP AND PUT BACK TOGEATHER HAPPINESS ISENT WORTH IT ID TAKE SADNESS IF I HAVE TO HAVE FAKE FRIENDS AND ID GO THROUGH MY LIFE JUS LIKE I DID WHEN MY GRAMPA DIED SO HAPPINESS IS ALL ABOUT FRIENDS NOT FAKE ONES REALY ONES HAPPINESS IS LIKE LIFE YOU DONT KNO WHATS GOING TO HAPPY YOU COULD BE SAD OR HAPPY OR ANGERY BUT IF YOU TRY TO STAY HAPPY WITH YOUR REAL FRIENDS YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT

BY:LIFES SILENT OBSERVER
TO ANY ONE AND EVERY ONE
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Saturday, October 21, 2006

   bad news we lost
but oh well the games are fuixed any way we have our pride they get theres lol wellz my sis is a bitch and shes yeling at me byez allz
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   well im off
i have to go to that big game today i already have half my uniform on lol jus the pants well im sorry i dient get to all of your sides but i will today when i get back on lol wellz byez
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