Saturday, December 8, 2007

Seniority
Wow. I've just posted on Cagalli's site, and then I realized......... I've reached "Senior Otaku" status! Just a few years ago I remember looking at that and wondering if I'll ever reach that dork status. And now I know... I HAVE.

=P.


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Saturday, November 17, 2007

   THANKSGIVING BREAK HAS FINALLY COME!!!!!
That is all.
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Tuesday, November 13, 2007

aw man, i can't wait until the weekend approaches!!!!!

okay, so i was evaluated. on the day of my evaluation, the principal has some emergency and took off without letting me know. then i found out perchance, 20 mins before the eval, approached the substitute principal to talk about it, and ended up having the vice principal come to evaluate me. which, worked out for the best, considering i'm more comfortable with her around. it was really nice of her too, to squeeze me in at the last minute. =].

so the lesson came around. lucky day, i had 3 friggin kids absent! it was so sweet! you know it really makes a big difference to have one less kid, and now 3. i really, really felt like a good teacher that day. simply because i didn't have to tend to so many needs! so one kid decided that day that she just downright didn't want to participate, have an attitude, and after trying different options, i ended up sending her off to her own table because i didn't want to put up with it. she hogged up a lot of the time that i was supposed to spend with other kids, which wasn't good, but i did what i could. and that's how it usually is, all the struggling kids end up eating up 90% of my time, and all the other kids in the middle or high end, don't get as much as I'd like. that's something i regret, that i'm unable to get to most of the kids. sure, they may not need me as much, but they still deserve a good education.

But, I felt like I did my best, and that's what counts. i'm scheduled to meet with her tomorrow morning to review the evaluation. glad to do it, and glad to have gotten the eval over with.

so what's next? a parent is blaming her son's behavior at home on some relationship he's having with another kid in the classroom. first off, the family struggles in a lot of ways. i mean, this kid's family is, i don't even know if i should be typing this, it's more of an in person rant sort of thing. so, she makes me out to be neglecting her kid. and believe me, this kid is not what you'd call normal. i've been dealing with this kid since the beginning of the school year, and now a specific situation has escalated which caused the parent to request a counselor referral, and all this business. thank goodness the parent of the other kid is understanding, supportive, and most importantly, objective and NOT DEFENSIVE about the situation.

i did what i could with the situation, and i am really thankful for the counselor's help in all of this. it's still ongoing.

then afterschool, one of my kids was late for the bus because he was doing what he wasn't supposed to be. he wanted to turn in some piece of paper to the cafeteria, and i told him he could after school, considering he asked me when they were calling out students for the bus. he ends up hanging around the cafeteria, and is late. parent freaking calls the office threatening to get the bus driver fired. what the hell! i freakin swear some people don't know how to deal with their life and kids and stop blaming shit on the school, staff, and other people. so, im a little weary that tomorrow, im gonna get some note saying that i shouldn't have allowed him to visit the cafeteria right after school.

this is the same parent, who, faxed a letter to the principal because she thought her son was being bullied in my classroom. first off, her kid wasn't even sure if he was being bullied or not, nor reported it to me. second off, why did you go straight to the principal instead of me? what's wrong with you?! ofcourse the principal took it very lightly, and i handled it in a professional way, but still, give me a break! oh yeah, and him being bullied, guess what, it also involved the other kid that i mentioned above with the family issues.

friggin parents i swear. you know, it's not the kids that are the hard part, most of the times, it's just dealing with the parents.

most of the parents are pretty cool, but when you have 1/10 parents right now that are psychos, that's a pretty high ratio. don't even get me started on the parents next door.

nuff
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Monday, October 29, 2007

It’s been a while since I’ve updated.

Tests. Tests. Tests. I’ve had two weeks of bullshit in the name of tests. We happened to be selected to be the guinea pigs for a stupid national test that we had 2 days to prepare for. 3 days of time wasted testing. So, I couldn’t get anything done that week. The next week? Benchmarks. Yeah, like I had time to prepare the kids for their benchmark tests.

So the kids took the benchmarks. Kids had no idea what it means to take a damn test. Bubbling in the wrong circles, skipping circles, asking too many questions, talking to each other during testing. You want to get me fired?!?!?!?!

I gotta say, they did quite well on the Reading. Only ¼ didn’t pass! You’re probably thinking, “WHAT THE HELL! THAT’S A FOURTH OF YOUR CLASS!” But no. It’s actually pretty successful for a benchmark. Not to mention 1/3 of them scored 90% or higher. That’s pretty sweet.


Then I got the math benchmark scores. We are in trouble. We probably did about average for benchmark scores. But we’re still in trouble if that many kids didn’t pass. I’M (ME) in trouble.

So it looks like I’ll be doing a lot of overtime early in the morning or after school tutoring students.

So we wasted 2 weeks of school doing nothing but testing, and “stuff” so that the kids won’t be wiped from testing.

Then the first field trip rolled around on Friday. Wow. Testing, then it’s a Friday field trip. Parents, they make me nervous. Not to mention they showed up early so they got to sit around and watch me teach the kids right before we left for the field trip. They’re nice folks, but it still makes me self-conscious. I guess it was a good experience to have them in the room while I’m teaching so I’ll be more aware of good practices, and to get used to being watched since my evaluations are coming up. Not only that, but to be comfortable inviting parents in so help or get involved.

But yeah, it was somewhat nervy having parents around (and on field trip day) so the kids were all super rowdy and annoying. =]. I was paired with another teacher who has a very well behaved class. I mean, my kids are pretty well behaved, good kids, but lord, they need to know when to stop talking sometimes. Sweet kids, though. Though I’ve been screaming at them more often. =P. So, compared to her class, mine was pretty disorganized.

All this stuff came up after we returned from our field trip, eye exams, emergency music practice for an upcoming program, so it was hectic. When all the 3rd graders came together, it was a little comforting, because my kids were basically in the middle. Our class was given a harder part to sing in the program (that does tell you something about them). They weren’t as perfect and quiet as some kids, nor were they rowdy as others. It was nice when a parent said to me that it seems like we were doing pretty good considering all my kids were following directions and the other half of the 3rd graders were running around. Whew!

Half the times it’s not really the teacher’s fault that the kids are crazy. But it’s hard not to put it all on yourself when the students aren’t doing what they’re supposed to.


Now we’re getting back into the normal routine. It was good taking a break from extreme planning. Extreme planning, kind of sounds like a nerdy sport, huh? Anyways, the “break” was nice, but the kids’ brains suffered from it so we’ll have to get back on track starting Monday. We are going to be so hardcore it kind of scares me. They’re learning multiplication for the first time, and boy, I am frightened to teach it. Considering how bad they did on the benchmarks, it’s kind of troubling being expected to move on.

So, I’m back to exteme planning, though it’s not has punishing as the first 5 or 6 weeks of school.

I was in my classroom on a Saturday one day, and a teacher dropped by my class. She told me that it was just a job, and that I should stop what I’m doing and go home. After she left I got really upset. I cried. Ofcourse, I’ve been crying a lot since I’ve started teaching. But it really upset me that she would say that to me. All the work I put into making quality lessons. And to tell me it’s just a job. I wish it were just a job. It may just be just a job next yeat. But this year, it’s more than a job. I knew she was looking out for me. Although it hurted, it was still good that she nosed in and said what she did. I’ve decided to stop visiting the classroom after hours so often, and instead of pushing things to do over the weekend, try to get as much done during the weekday as possible. And if I have work, to try to complete things at home instead of at school. I guess I’ve just been a little more efficient.

Okay, that’s a bit too much. But I’m going to stop now because I get carried away.

I can’t wait until Thanksgiving break. Save me. =*]

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Thursday, October 11, 2007

   HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TEACHER?
I picked a few out of a list.

1. You can hear 25 voices behind you and know exactly which one belongs to the child out of line.

2. You get a secret thrill out of laminating something.

4. You have 25 people that accidentally call you Mom/Dad at one time or another.

5. You can eat a multi-course meal in under twenty-five minutes.

6. You've trained yourself to go to the bathroom at two distinct times of the day: lunch and prep period .

7. You start saving other people's trash, because most likely, you can use that toilet paper tube or plastic butter tub for something in the classroom.

**9. You want to slap the next person who says "Must be nice to work 7 to 3 and have summers off." ...(without pay!)

11. You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.

12. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."

14. You believe in aerial spraying of Ritalin.

16. You spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.

17. You can't pass the school supply aisle without getting at least five items!

18. You ask your friends if the left hand turn he just made was a "good choice or a bad choice."

19. You find true beauty in a can full of perfectly sharpened pencils.

20. You are secretly addicted to hand sanitizer and finally,

21. You understand instantaneously why a child behaves a certain way after meeting his or her parents.

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Sunday, September 30, 2007

   Consumed.

I've been consumed. And you already know by what. Teaching.

On Friday I realized I was coming down with something. On Saturday, it hit me. The flu. It hit me big time when I was in school Saturday morning, and it crept over me so dramatically, I decided it was time to stop, and went home. I made time to take a nap. Then that night I took my medication, and had a long sleep.

Ofcourse I dreamt of school. My obligations. And writing. I kept thinking of the lesson plans and the lessons. I thought I was in school teaching writing. I was in my classroom thinking, "The children can't write in this darkness! I must turn the light on." Then I'd wake get up to turn the light on and realize it was a dream. This dream kept playing over and over, and each time I woke up to realize I was dreaming. And even though I kept realizing it was a dream, I kept dreaming the same dream, and waking up in the same manner. It was some absurd cycle that I couldn't escape! Eventually the alarm woke me up, and I realized I'd slept 10 hours or so. And I looked over to see that some time that night I'd gotten up to turn on a closet light. Creepy.

So, I'd somehow felt a little refreshed, though my voice is still hoarse. I want to get better.


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Saturday, September 8, 2007

   Wow. I’ve never had so much work to do in my life. Ever.
School began late for the first time this year on August 27th, a Monday, unfortunately. A Monday! I was in school everyday from morning until night two weeks before school started.

This was mostly due to the fact that the idiot district decided to cram all the new teacher workshops into the two weeks before school started. The Friday before the first day of school was Meet the Teacher Night, and boy, I was so unprepared to meet the parents, and my room was still a mess.

Exhausted, I continued to work on my classroom over the weekend, and BAM—the first day of school rolled around. That Monday and Tuesday was rough. Mainly because Back to School Night was on Tuesday—the second day of school! I was so beat with all the work and distractions. I had a low turnout mainly because I wasn’t specific about Back to School Night in my letter to the parents. I felt terrible. Mainly because I was afraid of the parents. It sounds horrible, but the parents at the school I work at are notorious for being…

My first two days. Horrible. Horrible. The kids aren’t so bad (ofcourse I have some annoying ones, but what class doesn’t). It’s all the distractions. One meeting after another. Reading twenty emails a day from the administration reminding me to do stupid shit that they should’ve informed me over the summer when I had time. And the paperwork that I wasted time getting and filling out. Horrible. Everything got in the way of planning quality lessons. The school and the district got in the way of teaching.

Then the kids, they come with a lot of baggage, too. But, that goes with everyone. I believe I got the best of the bunch actually. But at times, I just want to scream.

Third graders. They’re a big step away from the fourth graders I worked with. A giant step. Socially, and ofcourse academically. The latter is understandable. They definitely have poorer manners (I don’t know if it’s because of this grade or the region). Though, it kind of seems that as I meet them every day, they’re getting better and better at understanding expectations.

On the second or third day of school I gave a short speech at the end of the day about my disappointment of their behavior. As the children were being dismissed, this one child snuck up and hugged me, apologized for what happened, promised me he’d be better tomorrow, and ran out. It was so fast, I didn’t know how to react. That was a breaking point for me, and I didn’t realize later until I started talking about it.

Later that night I cried so much. I was exhausted. Meet the Teacher was over, the first day of school was over, Back to School Night was over. I had the rest of the week to go.

The third, fourth, and finally, the last day of the first week of school passed, and I realized that I survived it with a straight face. A straight face on the outside.

That weekend I had a little rest and relaxation as well as continued the cycle of eternal paperwork from hell. Thank goodness for the 3-day weekend.

The second week of school passed as well, and I realized how high I’d set the bar for the children, and I needed to simplify things more without lowering the bar. I did more paperwork and organizing materials this weekend, and it will continue forever unfortunately.

The principal had told me he’ll drop by my classroom sometime next week. Instead, he made a surprise visit on Friday. It was during independent reading time and… the kids were perfect. Eerily perfect actually, and I could tell he was quite displaced because the children were so into their reading that only one student noticed he was even there.

I love Reading and Writing time. It’s the calmest time of the day. And the children seem to really enjoy it. I teach brief mini-lessons to improve their reading and writing, and the rest is independent work. I have the atmosphere set in a way with gentle lamps, and piano music playing in the background. They’re disappointed when I say we won’t have a read-aloud, but their spirits lift when they know they can do their independent reading and writing. Then I give everyone a chance to share what they’ve done, and the looks on their faces when they don’t get to share that day will kill you. This is the only time in the day when I usually don’t have any urges to scream or any screaming children.

I have quite a few characters in my room. Some were born to be models for children’s cartoon shows.


That’s enough for now. The paperwork continues tomorrow. =*(

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Saturday, September 1, 2007

The first week of school has passed.
I'm too pooped to go into details. All I can say is I survived. =]. For now.
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Sunday, July 8, 2007

Rude Encounter
I was running late for an appointment with my classmates today to work on an assignment. I was supposed to be there at 1, but at 1, I ran out of gas and had to stop by a station.

I quickly got out of my car with my credit card. A woman approached me from her own car asking for money. I’ve experienced this before. Some woman approaches me, tells me she’s on some trip, and ran out of money for gas. I noticed she was in a car with another fellow. She was neither pregnant, homeless-looking, or a minority. Well, I was tired of responding to these kinds of encounters, and decided I wouldn’t be generous. I ignored her, and was fiddling with the credit card machine that was rejecting my gift card. She stood next to my car and stared at me the whole time. “ Is she mad or something?” I thought. I went into my car to grab some cash, all the while rolling up my windows and locking it as I left, afraid she may do something.

By this time, she was angry at me, yelling at me and telling me I was rude. She followed me into the gas store, as I paid the manager and ignored her. She decided to demonstrate to me how to greet a person while I paid for my gas. She followed me out, verbally harassing and screaming at me calling me, calling me a “rude bitch.”

To my surprise, all the while I was extremely calm, going about my business nonchalantly. I suppose this angered her even more, but I wasn’t interested in her, nor felt any need to justify myself. Looking back, she was so pissed, lol.

I’m not as angered by the situation as I am in disbelief. I can’t believe this sense of entitlement from someone who would ask for donations. If I was rude, I would’ve told her to go away or say mean things, from my point of view, I was saving her face by not saying anything. She must’ve felt vulnerable asking someone for money, and I think it made her feel better about herself by taking it out on somebody, specifically a little girl at a gas station by herself—me. The sense of entitlement she had made me sick. She made homeless people look bad. I am entitled to ignore her; she is not entitled to demand anything of me.

I can't believe people sometimes.

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Thursday, June 28, 2007

What ever happened to the time?
I don’t even mean that time is running out, but that it’s taken a different turn in my life. It seems like the past two years I’ve cared less about time. Perhaps I’ve found more important things to care about, what ever.

I worried less about time running out about two years ago when I became content with my college situation. Since then, it’s just been passing by gradually without my keeping track as much. I find myself talking about things as if it’d happened days and weeks ago—and realizing it was actually only yesterday that I did whatever it was that I talked about. I cared less about time when I was in Viet Nam. Never knowing what day it was. Even forgetting Christmas and New Years until it came. I remember my professor commenting once, does it really help us to have a calendar?

Well, yeah it does, but sometimes it’s good to be able to just forget about what to look forward to and backwards from. Sometimes we get so caught up in planning. Planning, planning, planning. What plans? What kind of plans? I have lots of plans, and I’m waiting for the time to come when I can start my plans. When I start working, planning, money. Planning and planning so that I can have that time of the year when I don’t have to plan, when I don’t have to work. Planning so I don’t have to. So as the time to start working draws near, I become more attentive of time. At least I didn’t have to worry about time for a little bit.

Ah! Did that all contradict?

I’ve been collecting stuff for my classroom since summer. Mostly furniture, as I’ve given up on the book hunt now, content with the books I already have. So far I’ve been able to get a cheap chair and free bookshelf for the classroom library. Yay! …I’ve become obsessed with this classroom. Boo! But, it’s good, I guess, to care. I care about this very much.

I’m scared. The anticipation. The children, the parents, the other teachers, the administrators, I’m nervous inside. I’m not nervous now, but I know when the time comes to start, it’ll be one hectic year. I want to prove that I’m a good teacher… And so, in the meantime, I’m planning, reflecting, and trying to get ready. I want to look at the curriculum soon, right now all I’m doing is worrying about the things. The book things, the furniture things. I just don’t want an empty classroom.

I’m waking up to time again. But I’m only counting the days ‘til summer school is over.
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