Thursday, June 28, 2007

What ever happened to the time?
I don’t even mean that time is running out, but that it’s taken a different turn in my life. It seems like the past two years I’ve cared less about time. Perhaps I’ve found more important things to care about, what ever.

I worried less about time running out about two years ago when I became content with my college situation. Since then, it’s just been passing by gradually without my keeping track as much. I find myself talking about things as if it’d happened days and weeks ago—and realizing it was actually only yesterday that I did whatever it was that I talked about. I cared less about time when I was in Viet Nam. Never knowing what day it was. Even forgetting Christmas and New Years until it came. I remember my professor commenting once, does it really help us to have a calendar?

Well, yeah it does, but sometimes it’s good to be able to just forget about what to look forward to and backwards from. Sometimes we get so caught up in planning. Planning, planning, planning. What plans? What kind of plans? I have lots of plans, and I’m waiting for the time to come when I can start my plans. When I start working, planning, money. Planning and planning so that I can have that time of the year when I don’t have to plan, when I don’t have to work. Planning so I don’t have to. So as the time to start working draws near, I become more attentive of time. At least I didn’t have to worry about time for a little bit.

Ah! Did that all contradict?

I’ve been collecting stuff for my classroom since summer. Mostly furniture, as I’ve given up on the book hunt now, content with the books I already have. So far I’ve been able to get a cheap chair and free bookshelf for the classroom library. Yay! …I’ve become obsessed with this classroom. Boo! But, it’s good, I guess, to care. I care about this very much.

I’m scared. The anticipation. The children, the parents, the other teachers, the administrators, I’m nervous inside. I’m not nervous now, but I know when the time comes to start, it’ll be one hectic year. I want to prove that I’m a good teacher… And so, in the meantime, I’m planning, reflecting, and trying to get ready. I want to look at the curriculum soon, right now all I’m doing is worrying about the things. The book things, the furniture things. I just don’t want an empty classroom.

I’m waking up to time again. But I’m only counting the days ‘til summer school is over.
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