Tuesday, August 8, 2006

She'd been awake since four this morning and she was really feeling the effects. After getting into the summer habit of sleeping in it's really hard to break it. She took some peppermint oil and smudged some behind her ears. She heard somewhere that it helps to wake you up.
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Sunday, August 6, 2006

...
The willow sat majestically on the hill, the sunset blazing from behind, sending a dazzling array of light onto its fine leaves; the branches curling and swaying in the breeze. You watch silently as the sillhouette of a fluttering bird dips beneath the boughs. The sun continues to set, the clouds turning vibrant shades of purple and creamy orange. The setting is so beautiful, you realize that you've been holding your breath, as if expecting the sound of your breathing to make it all vanish. You curl in the grass below you, hugging your knees to your chest, watching an ant climb onto a small morning glory, all closed up in the fading light, waiting for dawn so it can burst open with all its dignity and splendor. You lay flat on your back, watching for the first stars wink into sight. Then you see it. It's off to the left in the sky, barely visible in the fading light. 'Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight...' you whisper. The clouds seem to melt away as it grows darker. The stars are more numerous now, and you've lost track of the first one you've seen. The moon ascending from behind the rich lavender mountains. The last thing you see before you drift off to sleep is the resonant velvet sky.
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She smiled as she thought about today. It had been so wonderful, even in spite of the fact she didn't fall asleep until three thirty this morning. She had just layed there, so tired but so awake, her mind racing from one subject to another and refusing to quit. She realized that she hadn't said her prayers, so she rolled over onto her knees and folded her arms. She began to pray, not realizing that she was talking aloud. But she talked for probably an hour and a half, discussing all her problems and concerns and everything she was grateful for.. as she prayed it seemed that only more and more things came to mind to pray about. She would think that she was finished and go to snuggle back into bed, but then something else would pop back into her head and she'd crawl to her knees again. Yes, last night was an interesting one.
"Khepri, Khepri!! You promised you'd play a game with me!!!" her little brother shouted as he put on a pouting face and tried to look convincing.
"Fine, fine, I'm coming..."
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Saturday, August 5, 2006

She frowned as she pushed the "Submit comment" button. Once again, it said some stupid thing about having to be a registered member to comment. 'Stupid thing!!!' she yelled in disgust, 'it says right at the top of the same window that I'm logged in!!'
Grrrr. She tried the refresh button once more before exiting out of the whole thing entirely. Inanimate objects just hate her. Computers, cell phones, microwaves, bottles of mayonaisse, everything was against her. She'd pick up her cell phone and automatically there would be no service. Her sister would then pick it up to see what was wrong and it would work fine for her. She'd open the fridge to try to find something and it would either hide from her, or fall off the top shelf-on its own accord, mind you- and smack her on the head. EVERY STINKIN TIME! She massaged her temples and counted to ten slowly as she realized that the computer had froze. After waiting forever, it came back, but she knew what was coming up next. She hurried to finish her post before the little window popped up saying "Windows has encountered an error and must close.."
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Friday, August 4, 2006

She stared into the mirror, somewhat pleased for once. She'd always loved art and painting, and she was just realizing that make-up was just like creating a picture. 'I have no idea how in the world I let my best friend talk me into make-up. Well, she didn't exactly talk me into it.. she just put it on me and made me feel somewhat good about myself while wearing it... so this is where I end up.. for all the crying I do make-up probably isn't a good idea, but oh well..' "Crazy still," she muttered as she tried to decide if she liked the forest green or the purple eyeliner looked best. "I'm hopeless.."
She had only wanted to start this year different. And she guessed that make-up was a good way to change things. That and dyeing her hair, which was unnoticable because she didn't get a drastic enough change.. Maybe if I tried to smile more and open up to more people I would be more successful with friends. She had very few friends. They were really good ones, but they were few all the same. She sighed as she thought about school. It was to start in a week and a half. She was really looking forward to it, but she was perpetually terrified. Not knowing what it was going to be like or anything... nervous, nervous, nervous..
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Lying on the soft comforter she stared blankly at the shadows blinking on and off the walls from the figments on the television. It was on mute, but she was just too tired to get up and switch off the screen. She pulled out her journal and wrote her latest entry quickly and neatly in her minute and almost cursive handwriting.
Today was rather peculiar in a sweet and luscious way. Though words can't explain, it was just so oddly perfect, even though I was doing nothing. I suddenly have a strong desire for a cookie. Echo, Echo... we come, we go... I don't want to be just another.. Echo, Echo... Maybe tomorrow I'll get to go get school supplies, seeing school starts in ten days. I can't believe it's really happening. Tuacahn.. I'm so excited. And completely terrified. I just can't believe I really get to go. But anyhow. I need pencils. Pencils to draw with. Pens are for writing. Pencils are for drawing. The other night I dreamed about this pencil. Soft and black with no eraser. I was drawing on a wall... a wall that seemed so familiar, except it seemed that there used to be a window on it. But I was sketching. A huge leaf. Each vein and indention defined perfectly. But I couldn't erase. I would mess up, and I couldn't erase my mistake. I just kept going, slightly despaired at my failure, as I saw it. The more I drew, the more I liked it. The more I realized that I couldn't erase. The more ugly and brutal it became. By the time I was finished, I had to leave the room, for it started turning colours, and became a door. I wanted to walk through it. But I couldn't.. I was too disgusted. I totally don't understand that dream...
She glanced quickly at the clock, and decided she didn't feel like writing about the other adventures of the day. Like crawling around in the moonlit and cloud-strewn darkness with a small pink flashlight painting the numbers back onto trailer spaces at ten thirty at night. She didn't mind though, considering it was painting. She found her finest brush that did well for calligraphy-type typeface and elegantly added on the numbers in a dark green shade. Each number precisely three and a half inches high. She was really proud of her work.
Her thoughts jumped to her little brother. On Monday he was going to get his tonsils out. He was being brave and pretending that he wasn't scared. But she knew he was scared. It was cute how he tried to hide it. She was really proud of her brother. At the moment, he was fascinated with remote control objects. Whether they be tv's or little cars, he loved them all. Today in Wal-mart he saw a model of the Dukes Of Hazzard that was remote control, and also over forty dollars. He went nonstop all day, doing everything he could to earn money. I was really shocked. He earned all forty dollars within six hours. I don't know how in the world he did it. Mom said he worked nonstop doing everything for everyone. I'm proud of his motive to actually be able to do that...
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Tuesday, August 1, 2006

She grinned sleepily and looked at the clock. almost 1. cookie tast better when cooked in the middle of the night.
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Monday, July 31, 2006

She smiled indiscripantly as she poked the unrecognizable lump of blue that sat lifelessly on the counter. Mmmm... tasty.
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Sunday, July 30, 2006

At times like these she wishes she were a bird. A raven that could soar the skies. Pure black, or so it seems, but really full of every colour that exists in the world. Or maybe an eagle. Master of the skies and respected by all who look upon it. So majestic and grand. Or maybe even a seagull. Gliding surely over the glistening water and calling out loud and strong. Collecting around the people on the beach with food and scraps as the waves lap the shore...
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Saturday, July 29, 2006

Khepri hadn't wanted to come home. She wanted to stay in the disastrous perfectness forever. Where she didn't have to worry about global warming, all the fires that the lightning started, who killed who, who got kidnapped, what new crime has been commited, and all the things that seem to fill the world. She wanted only to go back to chatting with friends until midnight in the dorms. She wanted to go back to the dutch oven dinner in the mountains. She wanted to go back to the dance and dance with Travis to the song Sarabeth. The words go like this..

She dreams she's dancing
Around and around, without any cares
And her very first love,
Is holding her close,
And the soft wind is blowing her hair..

She wanted to go back to the dance. Back to the testimony meeting. Back where she didn't have to care about anything but whether or not she had her room key and her scriptures. She knows she can't go back though. She has to live her life. She can't live in that perfectness or she'll never learn. Never experience life like it should be lived. But for the time she had there, it was wonderful.
The only thing that wasn't wonderful was her jealousy. Usually she isn't jealous. But when she saw her best friend laughing with numerous guys surrounding her, flirting with her, dancing with her, Khepri couldn't help but feel jealous. Her friend was so pretty. Her friend had a wonderful personality that could make anyone happy and at ease. Khepri isn't pretty. Guys don't usually give her the time of day. Her personality is often bleak and she wonders if she's only depressing everyone by hanging around. But she doesn't want to be jealous. She is terribly mad at herself for being so jealous. She doesn't know what to do...
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