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• 1992-05-20
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• *frowns* An oven that contains nothing but dirt and rocks.. and some cactus.. and some lizards..
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• 2006-06-10
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• High school student
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• Bird

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• Made it to state solo and ensemble for viola
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• 2005
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• DEATH NOTE!!! Trigun, Wolf's rain, Howls moving castle, bleach, cowboy bebop, Naruto, Fruits Basket
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• Graduating high school with my associates degree
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• Viola, my life and love.




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myOtaku.com: voiceinsidemyhead


Thursday, October 25, 2007

Ah, well, I'm finally feeling a bit better. Mom let me go to school today. I still ache and my throat is a little sore but other than that I feel good.
I dunno, I'm happy. I mean right now, besides the mono, nothing is really going wrong. I mean there's the usual.. but.. mom isn't angry with me, Patsy hasn't yelled at me in a couple of days, I missed a zillion days of school and somehow managed not to have any homework tonight; just that sort of thing. In that respect, I'm happy. But I'm slightly discontent still. I want a change. I keep thinking on how I want to go somewhere, do something, get away from everyone that have been bothering me so badly. But then really looking at it, it wouldn't do me any good. I would still have to come back. I think the only change I need is a change in myself, if you know what I mean. I know being happy is all inside of me, and it shouldn't depend on others or my freedom. I just don't really think I like myself. I want to though. I want to look in the mirror and be happy with me. I just don't know how. I read a book a while back called The Bean Trees. It was really good. In it, the main character is confident in herself. As a point, it talked about a shirt she owned, it was bright turquoise with red letters that said, "Damn I'm good."

I want one of those shirts.

I want to be able to say that about me. Is that wrong of me? That I almost want to be that kind of confident or does that step into vanity? I want to like me but every time I look at myself all I can think is who would like me? I know I have lots of friends that love me and I know everything about how its personality that matters and all that, but I just don't feel like I have the right to like myself for some reason and I hate it. I don't know, here I am being silly but I keep seeing these people who love themselves and love life that much and wonder what I missed.
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