Saturday, March 18, 2006

   Yup
Poetry, again. I think my deal is, when im up this late and noones around, my mind and body let loose for awhile, so i can get my muse to visit. Like ive said before, my muse is a visitor, bringing news from the back of my mind where im normally too busy to look. But, anyway, this poem is about a person i know, who is rich, has it all, has a closed mind, and a very open mouth about it all.
Ive been told I have a simple life
by those who have it all
the ones with no strife
the ones who never fall.

Have they ever felt a soul
ripped from the earthly plane?
Have they ever set a goal
to strive and reach in vain?

Do they ever realize
that life's not gold and green?
can their righteous minds idealize
the line between kind and mean?

then there are those who know
that the world is theirs to hold
they have no scars to show
no wisdom and stories of old

The mundane sicken me
who see with merely eyes
but what truth can you see
when only the inside cries

Truth is below the skin
far deeper than eyes go
you cant gather much when
that skin i rarely show

I hide myself in black
modesty gone to shame
self-esteem is what i lack
to stop taking blame

From the mundane i despise
i take the verbal bash
by now you would surmise
id return with my own lash

but patience overtakes me
I return only harshes blows
their idiocy roughly shakes me
my weakness nearly shows

But yet I stay above
with purity and light
I cling to dearest love
and stand throughout the fight
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   Minor poem
Well, My friend Dras was really down so i wrote him a lil something:
Feel the thrill
of a friends embrace
feel the chill
of a loving face

Im here, its alright
noones near
noone to fight
no need to fear

When all else us cold
and you cant find shine
sorrow will grow old
in these arms of mine

Just hold on tight,
quiet the storm
relax,dont fight
I'll keep you warm.

Hes calm now, and im just trying to keep him that way. *sighs* I feel so accomplished after helping someone, I honestly do. Before this, I was a bit on the downside and wrote this:
Let him Cry
Cold and in the dark
Let him Cry
only he can revive the spark
that once was a heart
now shattered and put out
death the poison dart
woke him in a shout

No more love
much more pain
push came to shove
just no more gain
try and try to fit the glove
to block away the pain
but the broken dove
left him insane

Dont let him Die
He just needs rest
Dont let him die
just love him best
someone has to
unlike all the rest
he wants to love you
but hearts torn from his chest

No more love
much more pain
push came to shove
just no more gain
try and try to fit the glove
to block away the pain
but the broken dove
left him insane.

So, I dunno, maybe i can turn that into a song, not sure.Ok I have no caffine except pepsi, and i just remembered why i switched to Dr.Pepper *gags down pepsi, needs caffine badly* I know how odd is this, im up at 4 AM and trying to get more caffine so i can be wide awake for even longer. Such a demented child I am, if this is how i am, i wonder how my ma was O_o. This is teh woman who shredded, not jsut tore, shredded her clothes, then rebuilt them with safety pins and duct tape O_o. Now i see where i get it. Enough rambling (for now) but i may feel an explosion of poetry and post more later.
Ikazuchi Seijin Ibara
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   Again
Alex is missing, sis hasnt seen him since this morning.Im crying randomly again. No more poetry is in the works, i wrapped up all my loose ends. I dont have any seed ideas anymore. I dunno. Tessas sick, Kays sick, things are just back to their regular chaos. I just dont know anymore:
Such Chaos is divine
Its all ive really known
I feel its all thats mine
the one thing that i own

At the mercy of the storm
surrounded but alone
Noone to hold me, keep me warm
becoming a bitter crone

To few im open wide
they take my love for given
they see me from inside
know all that ive liven

Becoming what I detest
a common bitter shell
just like all the rest
in mind and soul's hell

Care for so many
yet cared by so few
lovers were aplenty
until i met the few

The few saw just me
no compare or contrast
i wanted to hide and flee
but they held me tight and fast

but now i am only one
to care but not cared for
my heart and soul are done
dropping to the floor
For love....
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Friday, March 17, 2006

   Poetry and Tears
Today, jsut now, I honestly, loudly, painfully, cried. I wrote these:
I had no clue
what to expect
but through you
I learned of respect

yet here you lie
weakness open wide
You always made me try
to keep thoughts inside

but you burst at the seams
with mind and body aflame
at yourself whom your lover deems
true beauty, without shame

You opened me dear
my mind and heart wide
with you theres no fear
in your i can confide

now i am your heal
at aid you instead
let you know and make you feel
that neither heart is dead
(dedicated to Alex)
I dunno if i posted this one After her I only fit
the company of myself
but then another angel hit
and knocked me off my shelf

Then caught me in their wings
to hold me tight and dear
helped me abandon all the things
I used to hate and fear

Now we guard eachother
wrapped in eachothers wings
held by sister/mother
soothes us as she sings

The three of us fly
slowly through the storm
longing for the sky
to be calm,safe, and warm

Soon our wings will dry
and we will be free to roam
across the azure sky
mountains sea and loam

So we warm our feathers
and begin to make the leap
ahead is more rough weather
hills and mountians steep

So clasp our hands tight
bound as three not four
soon we'll hold our own
when four is nevermore
(Maya,Kay,and Alex)
Tears of Ice
Melt on my veins
blood wont suffice
to take my pains

Im left in my corner
clutching what i once ignored
what signs tried to warn her
the love i once adored

Left with a last word
in corporeal form
my love was to be heard
i was to ride out the storm.

So I clutch onto his arm
cling to his neck tight
both felt the harm
done to our dearest light

Now light is gone
to join collective shine
you continue to ask what is wrong?
oh no, im just fine(all those idiots who treat me like shit then ask whats wrong when they see that i do have emotions)
Here lies a choosing
to end your so called life
if you go you're losing
and causing others strife

Take your last breath
make your last mark
chose me or chose your death
alone and in the dark

Or choose to live alone
or with someone best
I dont think youve ever grown
when love is put to the test

You've learned nothing from me
and i have nothing of yours
yet tears you cant see
leaking from eyes and pores

Yet you still make the call
it lies with you to make
to choose me as your wall
I am yours to take (Numerous Suicidal Friends)

Leave me for a razor blade
addicted to the knife
such pain i thought the gods forbade
but instead i get such strife

You cut through my skin
with each hairline slice
in the end the blade will win
to hold your blood's entice

So pull along your razor
slice away your veins
life you have yet to savor
and grab it by the reins

Just hold onto your love
the blessings that remain
in darkness lives a dove
lightning in the rain

Patience is a virtue
through which strength is often found
think your decision through
keep feet on solid ground

Put down your knife
abandon the blade
for those who love your life
and through which your love was made
(suicidal friends, close ones)
(also dont knwo if i posted)
Wrapped within a spell so deep
i led a sheltered life
then i cross a path so steep,
that led to constant strife

Many souls would cross my way,
but one would stop to wonder,
she became my night and day,
my moon my sun my thunder

the reaper and i fought to kiss,
those lips so pure and sweet
to take her breath or have the bliss
of falling at her feet

but as i fell for her
the reaper took his chance
gone within a teary blur
awakened from the trance

Now i try to soothe
myself and those who tear
a point is left to proove
that alone i have no fear

but she left me in the arms
of a soul so kind
one that wont do harm,
a love so rare to find

Kept secret not forbidden,
for sake of slef preserve
sexuality kept hidden
the secret in reserve

But should such budding love
be shaded from all eyes
wings of secret hold my dove
support my angel while he cries

With her it just remained
hidden to the end
it shouldnt have been contained
such a sweet godsend

content in the angels arms
I ride through the storm
awakened to the natural charms
of the body that keeps me warm.
(Dedicated to Alex and Maya)
Well, after that explosion of poetry, i think im ok.
Maybe more later,
Ikazuchi Seijin Ibara
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Thursday, March 16, 2006

SPRING BREAK DAMMIT!
Oh yea, spring break is officially here! I got my balck jeans, only to realize that ther were size 32X32, which is two sizes below my normal size, which is sadly my stpefatehrs size. I managed to squeeze into the jeans, with some rather flattering results. IVE LOST TWO PANT SIZES! I can fit into these very snugly, and i dont look too bad. Im now setting at my desk, in all black, including ym lufferly balck socks with green threading n.n. And for future reference, that Emo dude down there is MINE so no takey tha piccy, no matter how bad you want him ^^ Well, anyway.. not much to report
Ikazuchi Seijin Ibara
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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

ALEX PICCA
Finally I have a pic of alex saved!!!

OMB IS HE NOT LIKE SO KICK ASS?
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   So far so good
everythings going pretty ok, but i dunno. I got new bootlaces (yes im a combat wearing idiot) FINALLY and im proud of them. Today I finally convinced the band director to let us all play something interesting, so we sightread all class period, and that let her know how much we know, and how little she does know about us. Oh today on the bus, a black eyed peas song came on, and i started rapping to it! Seeing a normally quiet emo dude spout random rap music must be disturbing. For teh second day in a row I managed to make a second grade kid cry by looking at him. First, he poked me in teh forehead and said "Are you deeeeeeeeeead?" and he cried after i looked at him. Then he poked me and said "are you goooooooooooothic" and i gave him a worse look and eh cried more. Ok for future reference, people who say tehy are goth, are not, and people who use the word gothic, including thsoe who claim to be, deserve to be brutalized most of the time.
Gleefully Insane,
Ikazuchi Seijin Ibara
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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

   AIYEEEEEEEEEE!
HEadaches,bruises,family arguments, etc etc. Not much else going on. Guess ill post when soemthing exciting happens *fake enthusiasm*
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Friday, March 10, 2006

   Blawrg
Remember that one guy that has always been bitchig at me etc etc? Well, today he started screaming at my friend Jennifer, and i told him to leave her out of it, he started screaming at me, then Kimmie started crying (she really hates arguments) and i sat next to her, where Evan was sitting, then he came back and started telling me to get out of his seat. I told him "Cant you see Kim's crying, maybe you need to find another seat, considering you started the fight that got her this way" and he said "I dont give a fuck about you or hre just get out of my damn seat" and kimmie ran off crying. Me, touketsu, and Kurai ran after her, chased her about the school ,and finally got her calmed down. That little worm actually started trying to insult me and be all big and bad, but he knows very few insults and his cursing skills are very basic, so i won verbally. As for physical, I had Kurai and Touketsu, and they are, although female and not recognized as strong, they are intimidating to look at usually,and have the bit to back up their bark, so could each take him alone, and considering he was trying to get a group fo people, i needed a bit of help if a physical confrontation actually started. Bah, w/e, its over now, Kim is ok, and that little prick will get what Karma serves him.
With Glee and Insanity,
Ikazuchi Seijin Ibara
oh heres teh Kanji on teh abck fo ym hadn, done in sharpie bwahaha It means Seijin and (nameless) forever and more!
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Thursday, March 9, 2006

   Turning out fine
Well everythings turning out semi ok, ummm...lets see...disturbing pic of me crying last night...sister told me she has breast cancer... http://i2.tinypic.com/r09p9w.jpg My god am i disturbing or what? Well.. disturbingness
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