Tuesday, July 19, 2005

"My Art"
Defend your art with your life.

I wish I could take credit for that line, but it's something I read somewhere, and it wasn't about art, it was about poetry. Same thing though, really.

Today I drew something that's ugly and beautiful. The marker lines are blatant, not all the white spots are filled in, and I made no attempt to blend anything, but I did that because, at the moment, that was what 'my art' was.

You see, I've always adored the beauty of mangas such as Angel Sanctuary, Imadoki, the simple looking lines of Hot Gimmick and Forbidden Dance--it's graceful and flowing. I used to think, 'I want to draw like that'. And then I walk through the Pallisades Mall and I see these just completely amazing and lifelike portraits, and then I start thinking, 'I'd like to be able to draw like that.' But to be honest, my fingers aren't long and I have carpal tunnel. My life, like my art, lacks grace and finesse. I work in short to medium length lines. That sort of grace that I admire has never been 'my' art.

I look at all these fan artists who make these beautiful, perfect renditions of characters from anime and manga I watch, and I think, 'my god! so good!' But that's not my art either. To be honest, I've never really had any desire to draw anyone's characters but my own. When I attempt a fan art of one of my favorite anime, it's usually just a way of testing myself.

I've long been a fan of both manga and american comics. Sometimes I look at my drawings and think, 'maybe this isn't really anime-style', but I don't know, I guess that doesn't matter.

Without regrets, I'll continute to pursue 'my art'...a style that belongs only to me and that evolves as I evolve. That's what I've decided. As a personality, I'm pretty graceless, to be honest. I don't have any subtlety and I have the emotional make-up of a slug at times. Maybe that means my art is going to end up being pretty tactless, or maybe it already is. Hah!

But whatever happens, I'm definitely going to defend my art, and work hard to create something with its own kind of beauty, not Yu Watase's beauty, or Luis Royo's beauty, just mine. I'd like to continue to believe that someday, I'll create something that's just going to bloom. And I'll proudly call that something 'my art', even if no one understands it but me.
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