Saturday, December 24, 2005

The Dreams Keep Comin, Yo
Ok, I can't exactly remember this dream completely, so bear w/ me, but I do remember the freakiness.. ..I don't even know exactly if there's a story, but I will write what I did see, though fragmented.. .. ..ok, my sister had some sort of disease that involved her cutting all of her hair off, I was in the military and my commander was changed by the enemy, and it involved alot of cybernetics. I didn't want to see him because I was afraid of what he'd look like, so I hid in the bathroom when he showed himself to my co-workers. Some guy raped someone and I was out for revenge, but I can't remember if I killed him. I remember this shootout, western style, where there were these people trying to kill someone that I was protecting (I can't remember who this person was or what they looked like, but I think it was my diseased sister.) I shot these two women loaded w/ weapons sitting on the roof shooting at this person, among a few other people. I cant even remember what part made me wake up this morning lol. These dreams are freaking me out, what do they all mean lately?
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Friday, December 23, 2005

Weird Dreams

[Playlist and Snippet]
I'm the one natural one, make it easy
we can take it inside
where I can love how I like if I want it
whatever keeps me high

yeah, we can take it
good and loose on an endless spree
good because we made it
and when momma's not around
there's no telling what we'll do when we're free
- "Natural One" - Folk Implosion - Album Unknown -


[I Wouldn't Mind If This Came True]
I woke up about an hour ago.. ..I had a dream that I was with Darren in some house, old victorian but it also was made like an office building too, killing various demons and vampires. My weapon of choice was my favorite knife that I do own, which has 4 blades, thats two per tip, and you can separate it in half to make two two bladed knives. In this dream, I had ALOT of them, and I could see why because during combat and moving to other areas, I'd drop them on the floor and forget about them. I woke up when we reached a point when I ran out of knives; Darren weilded other weapons and could do other tricks so he didn't need them. So, I ran out of knives, and there was this massive beast heading for us, and the only effective thing to take it out (hell, I ran out of knives anyway lol) was this weapon that was in pieces in this big bowl.. ..I think it was a sphere w/ the pieces inside but I really can't remember clearly. It was SUPPOSED to be in pieces, though, and Darren kept saying, "Give me all of the pieces," but I'd accidentally dropped some of them. When I stooped down to pick them up, I woke up.


[But I Hope This Never Happens]
Now I had another dream a few nights ago that I forgot to mention. This one was about me being on a slave ship, but in the PRESENT. We'd work as slaves making products on this ship that we'd never leave so no one would suspect anything. It was dark, dank, very humid, just nasty, and so were our conditions. When I say our, I mean the slaves of course. The armed guards used to keep us on the ship wore clean black uniforms and had polished automatic weapons. After a short while, I ran far and fast enough through the ship and jumped in the speed boat that was tethered behind the ship, and broke the rope keeping it attached. The owner, who was also clean and well dressed ran to the boat as I throttled, first in reverse to separate myself from the ship, then forward to get the fuck awaya from there, said something to me, but I really can't remember what he said. After riding in the water away from the boat for a short while, I woke up.
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Thursday, December 22, 2005

   Two Days Off.. .. .. ..Well Spent?

[Playlist and Snippet]
Sittin' here with my tears
All alone with my fears
I'm wonderin' if
I have to do
Withoutcha
But there's no reason why I
Fell asleep late last night
Cryin' like a new born child
Holdin' myself close
Pretendin' my arms are yours
I want no one but you

I get so lonely
Can't let
Just anybody hold me
You are the one
That lives in me my dear
Want no one but you
- "I Get So Lonely" - Janet Jackson - Album Unknown -


[Yeah, I know, not well spent]
.. .. ..mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm not really. I bullshitted the days around, both yesterday and today, w/o accomplishing anything important, such as getting another SS Card because mine's lost (I keep forgetting about it lol,) and I need one to keep my job. I have to absol-fucking-utely remember to get this card soon. Now, I DID do some things I consider important to ME, if not to anyone else. I did some minor cleaning to get ready for Christmas, since it will be held here because Thanksgiving was held at Mary's (Lauren's aunt) house. I also installed MS-DOS 7.1 under Windows XP on my computer, so I can rebuild my emergency "oh shit" computer maintenance cd since all of my cd's are in Louisiana, and so I can run old DOS exclusive "classics" that I can't play in Windows because of its "virtual machine" errors. I also made a minor, yet important to me modification of http://jookiejenkins.net's main page, which will become the template for all pages because it now has a set of links to the left side of the page, like all of the awesome web pages do. I actually had to steal it from someone elses web page, and copy my crap to it, because I don't know how to do that yet (its like some sorta special table.)


[Damn you, ROUTINE!]
Well, Lauren's at church, with her friend Leciee (pronounced Lacie, and I really dont know if I spelled her name right,) who seriously rubs me the wrong way and I can't put my finger on why YET, out in Bumfuck, Florida. Now usually when she goes to church, she gets back at about 10:00pm, you can almost put it on against a fucking clock, guarenteed. Tonight, however, its 10:27 and she STILL isnt back. As usual, I was waiting for her call which I didn't get either, and me getting sick of waiting and noticing that its way past the usual time for her to return, I sent her a text message asking about the phone call, "I thought you were going to call me.. .. .." She texts me back, saying that church had JUST let out 10 minutes ago (the message was sent at 10:10.) So as usual, being a man w/ too much time on his hands today, I'm trying to figure out how in christ's name can church JUST be out at 10, when its never been like that any other time. I see they do things differently in Bumfuck, Florida, not to mention the fact that I heard her saying that it takes an hour to travel there. Of course this would happen the day after I was complaining how she leaves with her buddies for things like this at about 4-5pm, and always returns at about 10 regardless of the fact that church lets out alot earlier, so this is how my luck works out. Its almost as if some being set it up this way just to work on my nerves, because I said that yesterday, because she left then too in the evening time, but was on the usual schedule. Call me striaght laced if you will, but when someone does something so many times the exact same way, I come to expect it to happen that way every single time. Deviation from a schedule worries me big time, especially since someone's already tried to go places w/o telling me, yknow what I'm saying?


[Hello? Is this still your number?]
I was able to retrieve my old cell phone numbers. I can't exactly figure out how it suddenly had the power to stay on long enough, but I was able to take down all of those phone numbers on one of those Excel grids (though I use the FREE OpenOffice Suite instead of spending money on the equally featured Microsoft Office, www.openoffice.org) and saved them to a hidden folder on my hard drive locally, in addition to saving it to the webserver. I find the webserver especially useful to access important information I feel that I need to hide, hell, I have the space to go around lol. Now I just have to test the phone numbers to see if my friends are still at their respected ends.. .. ..
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Tuesday, December 20, 2005

3rd Day of Work.. .. ..

[Not A Very PRODUCTIVE Day, But I Got To Destory A Cabinet]
So I had my first day of work, more orientation work through that boring ol computer, and I had my second day of work yesterday, which was a crapload of busy work because there really wasn't much to do, so hopefully today will be better and I'll actually get to learn more things. Yesterday, I learned how to destory a file cabinet, which involved tossing it into the compactor, and marveling at the destruction. "Usually, we'll beat the shit outta it first," said one of the other stockers lol. Hopefully today will be fun and productive.


[Lauren Reads My Blog.. ..]
.. ..but this time I'm in the wrong too, because I had told her that I'd stop writing about her in my blog. On the other had, she said that she wouldn't read my blog, but she did anyway. Fortunately, she went to my OLD blog using the link on my web site, and not this one that I use now. She came up to me crying saying that it hurts her feelings when I write about her in my blog, because it makes her look like a bad person, and for a SECOND I did feel sorry for her, but then I thought about it, "WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE, WINN! If she wouldn't do those things to you, then you wouldn't need to vent, so why is she crying." She brings that shit upon herself. If she'd treat me better, I wouldn't feel a need to write those things down, so she's only making herself out to be a bad person, not me. I mean c'mon guys, you've read most of my posts, I DON'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP lol! This is real she that she does, and I'm only talking about it. Oh well, anyways, I made a promise to her that I wouldn't talk about her in my blogs anymore (though I don't see myself keeping that promise every time she messes up) She argues that I need to trust her more, but its not that easy when you do shit like the going to that guys house thing I wrote about a few days ago. It's also been bothering me lately that she and her mom whisper among each other when I'm in the room, and one of those topics was about sex, particularly her moms "weakness," which is the reason why she's slept w/ other men even though she's still legally married, and considers herself a hardcore Christian (is your bullshit alarm going off too?) Now even though they whisper, this was one of those rare times when I had super human hearing, and I could actually make out words, including her mom saying that Lauren had that weakness too and that she's "better not mess up." Now how does she expect me to trust her 100% when she does shit like that? For all my paranoid ass knows, "better not mess up" may mean "better not get caught sleeping with other men" Oh well, I still love her, and I'm striving to keeping that promise, but if she keeps doing shit like that to me, it'll be hard not to talk about her in this blog. Wish me luck.
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Friday, December 16, 2005

Idle Time

[Not A Very Positive Day, But]
People like myself (and Con lol,) shouldn't be allowed idle time, because we start thinking, and thinking is definitely bad for people who match our psychological profile. Unfortunately, its all the kind of time I've had today, and so I'm here sitting in a not-so-happy state that is the result of me sitting around thinking all day long. While using the way of thinking, "thousands of possibilities," when trying to analyze or find a solution to something, it becomes my biggest downfall when engaged in idle thought.

On the plus side, I got called back by Office Depot to come in tomorrow at 10am to start orientation.
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   OOOOOOOOO its get even better!

[I hve to find out what I've done to deserve this day]
Well, I've been here waiting for her to come back after she called me on the phone and told me that she was sorry and that she was on her way home.. .. ..this was more than 2-3 hours ago.. .. ..its almost one in the morning now and I've finally had enough and I called her and complained. She gets mad at me because I'm mad for believeing her when she calls me.. .. .. ..its just not a good day between me and her. I'm really busting ass to contain myself, because its not like I've forgotten about earlier.. .. ..
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Thursday, December 15, 2005

   [Post Number One: Bitchin', As Usual]

[Playlist and Snippet]
- "" - - -



[Security Reasons]
Well, I figured that its time to get a new blog (since it looks like changing my web address is outta the question lol.) It's time to go raw and just say what I want w/o anyone (except you guys lol) reading and bitching about what I write. I've decided to keep the old blog so when ppl goto http://jookiejenkins.net, they won't be disappointed lol.


[Lauren's PIssed Me Off Good This Time]
Yeap she's managed big time. It's not all her fault, I guess, as its the deja vu w/ past sluts I've been with. So here's how it goes. I know I mentioned about her going "have lunch or something" with that guy friend of hers, right? Well she didn't tell me it was today. I swear all day long, I was under the imprression that she was going somewhere with her mom, when in reality she was going to be dropped off by her mom to that guys house. She told me that she's been talking about someone dropping her off all day long, but the only time I remember her mentioning that, she referred to where she was going as "where I gotta go," and the second time she said something really low that I couldn't make out. The other thing that really pisses me off is that she didn't tell me that she was going to his house. Since when does, "lunch or something" translate into "his house?" Her mom assured me that his family was there and that they're only friends, because I only found out that she was going tonight because her mom said something about it to piss her off, but she didn't know that I'd be seriously pissed about it. Hell, her mom even spoke to me twice about it and her dad told me that they were just friends too. I mean, like I said, its not totally her fault, because I've played this fuckin game before w/ another ex. She was in the wrong for not being straight with me, once again. I take being shifty, or withholding things as lying, because I don't do it to her, and I don't do it to anyone else unless I find it to be in their best interest not to know something. It can be even the smallest things, and that also contributed to me being really pissed off now, because if you do it with little things, the temptation will be too great to do it with big things, such as lying to your boyfriend so you can sleep w/ someone else. Call me paranoid, but yes I think I was wrong for getting worked up w/o thinking, but I think I'm 100% right and she's 100% wrong for doing that, because she didn't be straightforward with me on purpose because she knows I'd be pissed, and she knows I'd have a cow if she told me she was going to his house, so I believe that she did what she did on purpose, and there's where she's wrong.. .. ..what do you guys think?
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